The Lost Memory
“You don’t remember the last couple minutes before the accident?” the doctor asked.
I’m sitting in his office. This morning when I woke up and put on the news and saw the accident that people have been talking about; the one where the theft went into the highway and caused a major accident leaving themselves hurt and about ten others. I and my lover was one of those people. But as I watch the accident on, I realized I didn’t remember getting pulled out by medics or going to the hospital. I only remember fighting the doctors and nurses just so I can go and wait for Damo as they worked on him in the emergency room.
I panicked, reached for the phone and called my doctor who told me to call if anything odd was happening.
“I can’t remember it,” I said. “I don’t remember the paramedics pulling me out. I don’t remember why the impact of the cars crashing together. I don’t… even remember why we were in the car in the first place.” I dug my fingers into my hair. “I don’t remember where we were going or what we were talking about the - “ suddenly a memory of crashes and screams popped up but suddenly disappeared before I can grasp it.
“What’s the matter, Ichika?” he asked when I didn’t end the sentence.
“I can’t remember it,” I repeated one last time. “Just now, a snip of it popped in my head but disappeared.”
He looked at me for a while then turned to his desk to get a notebook. “Ok, let me ask some questions and let’s determine what is wrong.”
I nodded.
He typed something into his computer then turned to me. “Simple questions first.”
“Ok,” I answered.
“What’s your name?”
I sighed. “I know who I am and such, I just can’t remember the accident, Doctor.”
“Answer me,” he said.
“I’m Ichika Nishimasu.”
“When were you born?”
“Sept. 26, 1992.”
“Who’s your mother and father?”
I looked at him. “I know who I am.”
“Fine,” he said. “Then answer this one, what car were you driving during the accident?”
“Easy,” I said. “It was a - “ suddenly I didn’t know it anymore. I had the image of the car in my head before but now it was a blur, a black and white image, no color, no style. Was that the car I was driving or was it a car I saw on the way here or on that one commercial? “It… it was a…” I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
“It was a Niisan 2010. Do you know who’s it was?” he looked at me with concerned now.
Suddenly I remembered. It was Damo’s car, his baby Niisan 2010. We both picked that car out a year ago for his birthday. I was going to pay the whole price, but he took the paper and signed my name on it as well, both of us paying it and owning it.
“It’s Damogushi,” I said. “It’s our car.”
“Yes,” he said with a smile. “Now, who was driving?”
“I - “ I wasn’t so sure, but I have to be the one driving. My whole right side was hurt. “I was.” I didn’t sound confident at all.
“You were,” he said. A little relief rush through me. “Why were you unsure of it?”
I shrugged. “Damo drive most of the time, so I wasn’t so sure.”
“With that said, why were you driving instead of him? I don’t have the answer to that one, but can you think of a reason?”
I shrugged.
“You didn’t even try. Think about it for a little bit.”
I thought about it, but nothing came up. Damo always drive because he always bragged about being the best driver out of our circle of friends and me. Everywhere we went, he would always drive. He told me that he always drive so I don’t have to do anything but hold his hand and kiss his cheeks.
I shook my head. “Maybe I wanted to? I don’t know.”
“Ok. Next question: What highway where you two on?”
That was too easy, the news this morning already mentioned it. “Highway 22.”
“What lane? There were five lanes.”
“How do you know the answer to that?” I asked, curious.
“I have my reports,” he said and nothing more.
I thought about it, what lane were we on? Was it the far right, or middle? Or was it far left? Next to left? Right? Middle? Far right? “I don’t know.” Wait, Damo got hurt because he crashed into another when a car hit us.
“Middle,” I said then shook my head. “Next to far left. Yeah. Next to far left.”
“Wrong,” he said. “And wrong.”
I looked at him, hopelessly. “Then…”
“You two were on the lane next to far right,” he said simply. “And maybe this will help bring memories back, you were on the lane traveling to Pewaukee.”
That took my breathe away. We did made plans to go to Pewaukee for a camp.
“I see that brought memories,” he said.
“We were going to go camping there,” I told him.
“Anything else?”
I shook my head.
“Think about it,” he said then scribble something down. “You should rest and think about it. If you need counseling, I’ll help you with that. And you did have a minor head damage. I’m going to set up an appointment for you to get it check again since last time you ran away after getting bandaged up.”
“Ok,” I said.
As I am walking out, I kept thinking about the missing memory. Why were we there? What were we doing? Were we chatting? What was Damo wearing? Was he smiling?
Somehow, my mind told me that I don’t know much but for sure, Damo wasn’t smiling.