How Much Can You Miss Someone
I feel like a ghost.
Everyday I wake up and drifted to the bathroom, not daring to remember the coldness and empty spot next to me. I cook breakfast, not even knowing what I was doing half of the time. It surprised me that I haven’t burnt down the house yet. I ride the bus with an empty mind, only my workplace in thought. I sit at my desk and stare at the computer ¾ of the time I am at work. I drift to lunch and back. I drift back home, passing everyone I know without knowing, and just sit at the kitchen table. I do my best every night to not hear the quietness. The quietness that was proof that Damo isn’t with me. I go to bed with the same empty spot for the past weeks next to me.
I miss him so bad. I miss him so much. I miss him.
Without him, I feel like a ghost just drifting my life away.
It’s been two months since the accident. I still cannot remember much of the accident. I knew we were arguing and that he was angry with me. I knew we were going to the camping trip we planned for months. And when my mother called me, I also remembered that we were suppose to visit them. But something was missing still.
Inami comes now and then, to visit me and to grab Damo’s things as he demands them. He still doesn’t get it that we are lovers, more like he rejects that facts, and refuse to believe that we live together and share most of the things in the house. Yutashi visits me as much as she can. She always commented on how worst I have gotten.
“You’ve lost weight,” she said as she walked in. It was a Friday and I just got back from work.
“You’re out early,” I said.
“Uh, no,” she said. “It’s eight in the evening.”
I sighed. I have one of those time lapse again, where I loss time.
“Ichika,” she touched my shoulder. “You can’t go on like this.”
“I know,” I said but my voice broke. I bury my face into my hands. I sighed loudly then look at her. “I don’t know what to do anymore, Yuta. I… “ the tears started rolling down again. “I miss him so bad.”
She nodded as she wrapped her arms around me. “I bet.”
“I can’t stop thinking about him. Every corner of the house is so quiet without him. I miss him,” I said. “I miss Damo.” The tears are just streaming down now.
“Now, now,” she smoothed. “He’ll come around. You’re acting like he’s dead. He just lost some memories, Ichika.”
“It feels like he’s dead,” I said. “I miss him. I miss his silly talks. I miss his hugs and kisses. I miss him so bad.”
She sighed as she rubbed my back. Then she let go, “OK. Let’s cook some dinner so you can get better. Food always helps!”
“I’m not hungry,” I said as I wipe my tears.
“You haven’t been hungry,” she countered back. “I’mma cook and you’re gonna eat.”
“But I’m not hungry,” I tried again.
She smirked. “If you don’t eat, then I won’t tell you the news.”
I looked at her, “What news?”
“Let me cook and you eat, then I’ll talk,” she smiled.
I sighed, “Fine.”
Yutashi is one of those very good cooks that self taught themselves. She made a feast instead of dinner.
“Eat,” she said when she saw me just staring at it. “Come on.”
I chuckled a little with nervousness. “You expect me to eat all of this?”
“Not all of them silly,” she said. “It’s for the days that I won’t be seeing you because I know for sure you won’t be eating.”
I nodded then started eating. After she finish her bowl of rice, she put her utensils down. “Ok, the news. I know you will like it.”
“What is it?” I asked with my mouth full.
She kicked me under the table. “Be respectful.” Noting to my talking with a full mouth. I nodded and kept quiet. She smiled. “Inami and I have been talking to Damo.”
I swallowed then said, “Thank god he’s talking to you.” She heard the sarcasm and kicked me again. “Just saying.”
“Anyway,” she said. “He have gather much of his memories. He talked and acted almost like the normal Damo. He just have some memories that are still missing. Mostly memories of you two.” I kept quiet but that statement speared my heart more than not. “So Inami and I convinced him to spend a day and night with you.” I looked at her in surprised. She smiled. “Here.” Indicating the house, Damo and my home.
“Really?” I asked. “He’s willing to spend a day and night here?”
“With exceptions,” she added. “Inami and I will also be spending the day and night with you two.”
“Still sounds good,” I said. Happiness soaring through me.
“And we will be acting like polices,” she said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“No touching, no nothing,” she said simply.
“How are we supposed to bond?” I put my utensils down and folded my arms. “That’s not fair.”
“It’s his exceptions,” she said. “And you will ask him if you are about to do something. Only if he agreed to it will you be allow to do it.”
I sighed. “Why is he so strict?”
“Because you kissed him,” Yutashi said but a smile appeared. “And he thinks you are after him.”
“He’s my boyfriend,” I reminded her.
“Who doesn’t remember being your boyfriend,” she reminded me back. “So you will behave yourself when he comes in next weekend.”
“Next weekend?” I asked.
“Yep,” she said. “And if you don’t behave yourself, we will leave.”
“Ok,” I smiled. “I’ll behave myself.”