Next to You
I was so happy I was actually alert. I felt almost like myself again. I cleaned the house and planned the day since they said we can do whatever I wanted us to do.
When Damo, Inami, and Yutashi arrived that Saturday morning, I let them pick their rooms. Since there was only three rooms, Inami and Yutashi agreed to share one, though I can feel Yutashi’s nervousness while agreeing to it. Damo have his own room, he refuses to share it with me. And I let him have the master bedroom while I agreed to sleep next door in the other guest room.
Then Yutashi cooked breakfast as Inami, Damo and I chatted on about the day. We decided, as I planned, to got to the zoo, just like our first date, and then to the movie before coming back to have dinner.
Damo did changed the three weeks that we haven’t seen each other. He seem a bit more mature and is acting like his age as well. He kept glancing at me and I let him, pretending not to notice it. He’s probably worry that I would jump on him again.
After breakfast, Yutashi drove us to the zoo. The four of us will always be together, Damo’s exception.
“Can we walk upfront?” I asked. “I wish to talk to you too.”
He saw my impatient and hesitated but then said, “Sure.”
So we walked upfront while Inami and Yutashi shadowed us. At first we walked in silence just pointing out animals now and then. But eventually, Damo talked to me.
“So… what was I like?” Damo asked.
I looked at him confused.
“When I was with... you,” he asked but seemed shy, which was almost cute. “I was told you know me the best.”
I smiled. “I guess,” I said as I kept on walking. When he doesn’t say anything I realized he was waiting for me to expand my answer. “I mean, between you and I, we don’t have secrets. So you can say I know you best.” I turned to him with an evil smirk. “I know your deepest secret.” He tensed up a bit.
“What did I tell you?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I’m not going to tell you. I promised you I won’t tell anyone.”
“But it’s my secret,” he said.
“So?” I shrugged again but have on a smile.
“That means I know your deepest secret too,” he said. I looked at him in surprise. “I just don’t remember it.” He smiled.
Playing with me? Seem like my Damo alright. I turned back up front, paying attention to where I was walking now. Inami and Yutashi were talking behind us about flamingos.
“Your favorite animal here at the zoo,” I said, “is the wolf.”
“You really do know me,” he said.
“You like the wolf because you only saw it once, but it’s blue eyes pierced you enough for you to want to see them every time we come to the zoo.”
He smiled but doesn’t say anything.
“The zoo was our first date as well,” I added. “You told me so much that day. I was so happy, I couldn’t stop smiling. You laughed when I told you how much my mouth hurt from smiling and laughing with you.” Feeling a little mischievous, I added as I keep on eyes on Damo. “You asked me if I was sure it was from the smiling and laughing or the kissing we had that day.” Damo blushed. I smiled, happy at my win.
Then I saw a couple holding hands and suddenly my hands were cold. Every time we come to the zoo, Damo always take my hand and kept hold of it the whole trip there and back. Now he’s next to me but not holding my hand.
“And you always hold my hand,” I said. “When I asked you why you always do that, you said it was because it was too lonely and didn’t want me to be left or taken away. So you always hold on tight to my hand.”
Damo’s hand twitched but he didn’t reach to grab mine.
We were having lunch when I finally “caught” him staring at me. “What?”
He was shocked for a second then said, “It’s just… your smiles fit you really well.” And then I was the one blushing. Yutashi and Inami laughed as I hid my face in my hands. Damo was confused but then realized what he said and blushed as well. “Sorry.”
We talked with more ease after that. He told me about the memories he remembered from high school and I filled him on some of the missing ones. He always looked at me surprised then agreed as if he just got those memories back. We did the same with college life and so on, as much information as I can give him.
At the movie, he sat next to me and we shared a popcorn. I was the only one who eat popcorn, a usual whenever we come to the movies. He never really like eating when watching movie but he does grab some now and then. At that moment, when we were watching movie, it almost felt like we were back to normal. Damo was my lover again and not some confuse and memory-less guy.
Inami and Yutashi cook as we sit around and help ready some ingredients.
“I felt like,” Damo said, “I should be cooking too.”
I smiled. “You always cook.”
“Maybe that’s why,” he said but add nothing more.
We all ate as we discussed the movie. Inami came up with a brilliant idea of watching horror movies. So after we ate and cleaned up, I put on horror movies. Inami went to shower first as Yutashi, Damo and I watch the film, me on the floor while they sit on the sofa. Then while Damo help Inami catch up to the film, Yutashi went to shower. After Yutashi got out, I went next. After I came out, Damo went. After he came out, ready to continue watching, Inami and Yutashi were already sleeping on the sofa.
“Maybe we could continue tomorrow,” Damo laughed.
He didn’t know how happy that statement made me. It means there’s going to be another day with Damo. I nodded. Then we woke them up to go to bed. Damo helped Inami to bed as Yutashi zombie-walked to the room with them. I cleaned up the living room and turned the TV off. Damo came to help me but saw that I was already done.
“Well, then,” he said. “Night.”
I smiled. As he started to turn away, I called him, “Damo.”
He stilled then looked at me.
I thought about what I was about to ask him... but I didn’t want to sleep alone tonight, not when he’s right next door. I’ve been sleeping next to him for such a long time, I can’t bear sleeping alone again.
“Can I sleep with you?” I asked.
He blushed. “Um…”
Suddenly I realized why he’s shy about it. “No.” I stood up. “I won’t do anything.” I felt my face hot as well. “I promise.”
He doesn’t answer me.
“I haven’t seen you for a month,” I said. “You were in a coma for a month too. I miss you.” He kept his eyes on me but silent still. “I miss you very much. Just next to you. I just want to sleep next to you, even if it’s only for tonight. Please.”
He seem to ponder on the request for a little while as we stand in silence. Then he looked at me and nodded. “Ok.” Then he step back. “But don’t do anything!”
I smiled. “I won’t!”
He climb onto our bed first, the bed that we brought together, spending a whole day at the mattress store just questing for our dream bed. He went straight to the left side, his usual side. I turned off the lights and slip to my usual spot, next to him.
“Wait,” he said. I halted. “You said you won’t do anything.”
“I’m not,” I said but then realized that I was too close to him. My usual spot is at his side, under his arm as he cuddle me. But this Damo doesn’t know that.
I sighed. “Just this position.” He retreated but I reached out and grabbed his arm. “Just this position. Please. I want to sleep next to you, Damo.”
He stared at me for while. I saw his Adam's apple wobble as he swallowed.
“Please Damo,” I said.
Then he nodded slowly. I smiled, slide to his side, and tucked myself under his head, still holding his arm. It was so comfortable and peaceful to be next to him again. I fit perfectly into him again. I remembered smiling as I fell asleep.
The next day I woke up confused but happy because over the night Damo had wrapped me into a hug. I just lay there enjoying the embrace and warmth from him. When was the last time I woke up happy like this with Damo? Somehow, my mind tells me that even before the accident I wasn’t happy and haven’t have a morning like this since… since. Which confused me because Damo and I were always happy together.
“Good morning,” Damo said.
I stopped listening to his heartbeat, the normal music to my ears every morning, and looked at him. I thought for a second he would be angry that I jumped on him again, instead he smiled.
“Good morning,” I said back, surprised at his smile.
He wrapped me tighter and I wished so hard for this not to be a dream. “I had a memo.”
“A memo?” I asked.
He nodded with a smile. “A memory. Of you.”
I blushed.
Suddenly he looked shy. “Last night, I couldn’t sleep because you were so close to me. But then you started sleep talking, you said my name.” I felt the heat on my face intense. He smiled, seemly satisfied by the response I was giving him. “I remember you. You gave me the nickname. And we met when you approached me with a smile.”
I smiled this time. “So you remembered me? Really remembered me?” I hugged him but he tensed up.
“I’m still not sure if the lover thing is true,” he said, voice slipping back to the memory-less Damo. “But I know, somehow, that you are more than just a friend to me. But I…” he looked confused. “I don’t get it. I have never see a guy that way before.”
“Well,” I said with a smile that was too bright, encouraged by him remembering part of me; which was good enough for me. “When you get your memories back, you’ll get it!”