Damogushi’s Point of View
Ichika’s kissed and hand caressing my body was still raw as my anger burned. We shared such a wonderful and beautiful night together, yet he forced me to leave because of a nightmare? I don’t understand him at all, and somehow I have a feeling that I should have understood him.
Everyone told me that Ichika was the one who knew me best since I lost my memories in a car accident. The impact of the cars crushing together with me smashed my head, wiping most of my memories. Inami, my sister, said that I was like a middle-schooler when I woke up from the month long coma. I didn’t understand what they all meant until she showed my reflection on her “smart phone.” I looked way different than I thought I did. Then a memory of when I was a high schooler returned, and I believed them.
Working to get my memories back was way harder than I thought. I was scared, knowing who I was yet not knowing who I was at the same time. It didn’t help that the only person everyone entrusted my memories to was a pervert called Ichika. I attempted to talk to him, and he molested my space and lips. That was my first kiss, but my mind and body was denying that. It really wasn’t my first kiss, it just felt like it. But there was no way I was going to work with that pervert, I thought, just to regain my memories.
Inami and her friend, Yutashi, numerous time reminded that the perverted Ichika is actually my boyfriend so that the kiss was a normal thing. But that freaked me out even more. I don't remember looking at another guy with loving eyes and wanting to kiss him. Disgusting. They even told me that Ichika and I shared many things together as well as that we owned a house and car together. But I don’t believe them, because I would never, ever look at another man like that. My high school self, supposedly the self that met Ichika, must have messed up somewhere.
After weeks of going to places and visiting people, I’ve gain many memories but none of them are the Ichika dude. In fact, I don’t even have a single memory of that dude. I have memories of Inami and meeting Yutashi, a good friend of mine and a love interest of Inami, but none of that dude. It seem almost like I never knew him and he just barged into my life. Because of the mysteries with Ichika, I agreed to Inami and Yutashi’s request of spending a day and night with him, giving it one last chance.
That day started out awkward and odd, but Ichika was determined to help me as much as I needed his help to remember all my memories. Turns out, Inami and Yutashi and everyone wasn’t lying. Ichika really do know me best. He knows my favorite color to favorite subjects to favorite guilty pleasures. Now and then, he would tease me about our relationship that I still don’t believe exist. At that end of the day, I was happy to enjoyed that day with him. However, at night he completely creep me out by wanting to sleep next to me. But I saw it, I saw the loneliness and sadness in his eyes so I allowed him.
It was that night that two memories about him returned. It was all because he called my name in his sleep then smiled so angelically. The name brought back the memory of him giving me the nickname. It was so simple, yet it made my heart raced. Then he smiled and asked me to nickname him too, so I did. He blushed then thanked me for the simple, yet rightfully fitted nickname: Ichi. His smile brought back the memory of when we first met. He approached me with a smile that shouldn’t be on a guy’s lips. He cheerfully introduced himself as I stared in amazement. Then he smacked my shoulder and told me not to be awkward or he’s gonna started being awkward as well and embarrassed us both. We became friends since.
Ever since that date day, I couldn’t keep him off my mind. When I saw a shirt that seem like it can fit me or him, a memory comes back, just a little snips. Him smiling. Him trying the shirt out. Him being sleepy. Him staring at me. Him smirking. Him holding my hand. Him closing in on me. Him kissing me.
I couldn’t keep away so I finally went to him. Ichika didn’t even hesitate as he kissed me, it was more like he was glad I still choose him in the end. He was not shy at all. His fingers glided everywhere on my body as were his kisses being planted. He’s not afraid to be naked in front of me, he’s not afraid of me doing whatever I like to him. No, it was more like he understands and loves it.
But that magical night was ruined when he woke up with a nightmare that he couldn’t tell me. He even kicked me out of his, supposedly our though, house when I asked him about it. I have a feeling that he’s a complicated man, but I also have a feeling I liked it that way.
I slammed the door as I stomp in. Inami and Yutashi were in the living room as I started up the stairs. Unlike “our” house, my family’s house brings much more memories. “Our” house brings no memory so far.
“What’s the matter?” Inami asked. Yutashi looked at me with the same concern Inami has.
“Ask Ichika that,” I said in an angry voice that seem familiar.
“What happened?” it was Yutashi who asked that. She’s such a good friend to Ichika, I thought they were lovers at first. But now I understand why she couldn’t be. It’s because she has feelings for Inami and Ichika belongs to me and no one else. The sudden possessiveness scared me a little bit.
I shrugged. “Ichika woke up with a nightmare but as I asked him about it, he out of nowhere kicked me out of the house.”
Yutashi looked at me with as much confusion as Inami and I have.
“I don’t know what’s up with him, but I don’t think he’s ok,” I added. “He seem to be in a daze and was very silent until he kicked me out.”
“I’ll go check on him” Yutashi stood up.
I smiled, I’m glad Ichika introduced Yutashi to me. Wait, that’s a new memory. Ichika was his high school self, him smiling nonstop and coming to me with a girl behind him. He introduced her as Yutashi. She had short hair then and smiled like a boy, confident and not cute. But Ichika and I liked her just like that. Ichika told me that he befriended her because they have many things in common. I felt a pang of jealously at the time.
“Thank you,” I said.
She nodded then waved to Inami and me as she walked out the door.
I went straight to my bed and lay there just staring at the ceiling. Last night was like a dream, it was so magical. But my body’s telling me, as much as my mind is also agreeing, that there were way more nights like that; I just don’t remember them. I searched through my memories, trying to find all those hot and magical nights we shared together. How long did they said we were together? A little over a decade, right? Oh, that’s so many nights. Oh, I wonder when was our first night together. I wonder what was it like. Was he shy or was he not afraid as well?
I fell asleep with that in mind, but was soon awaken by Inami. She looked scared and full of concerns.
“Ichi,” she said. “He’s in the hospital.”
The time ran past us as we drove to the hospital and found Yutashi. She’s already dressed in her nurse uniform and showed us to Ichika’s room. She explained how she found Ichika shaking and shivering. She warmed him up but out of nowhere, he just fainted. Then she found out that his pulse wasn’t running, so she called the ambulance as she operated CPR on him. They electric charged him to bring his heartbeat back. He’s now in a coma and that we should be quiet in the room.
I remember thinking about what happened that morning and how terrified he was. But then as I saw his pale and expressionless face, something grabbed my shoulder and knocked me out.
It was so odd, the pain was so real. The warmth of the blood trailing down my face and neck, sweeping into my back. I opened my eyes and saw nothing but lights. Then suddenly the blood were cold and crumpling on my face, neck, and back. It felt like patches of sand being glued onto me. The light’s gone now as a set of arms grabbed me, the pain was real, so real. Using all of my strength, I opened my eyes and saw Ichika. His eyes were closed, lips in a line, and face pale like there was no more blood in him. But the blood covering his head and face told me that he’s alive. I tried to reach out to him, I remembered doing that when I turned to him and saw the oncoming car. I tried but my arms weren’t lifting, instead I felt tired, so tired. Then I saw a pair of hands grabbed Ichika and pulled him as well. Glad that he was saved, my eyes closed shut.
Suddenly, I am sitting with Ichika. He’s talking about the new drama coming out. Ichika loves drama, that was one of those things that makes him interesting. He made me watched a couple with him, but he swore this one was different.
“This drama will make you fall in love,” he smiled at me. I love his smile. It’s so large that I can see his canine teeth, making him look so cute.
He pulled my arm, telling me to go with him to buy the new drama. I laughed but gladly went with him. Since the day I met him, I can never reject anything he afforded and requested. I watched him as he searched for the new drama, drifting behind him, always having him in my sight. Then he smiled like the king just told him he’s about to be the next king and grabbed the DVD.
“Let’s go!” he pulled me with him.
Now we’re in my room, he already put the DVD in and we were watching it. He kept commenting and moving around as we watch the drama. It was almost like he was too nervous to sit still. I told him to sit still so I can focused on the drama, he pouted as he sat next to me. Then he fell asleep as his head fall onto my shoulder. I let him. But my heart was beating faster than it should be.
Suddenly, Yutashi is making us dinner at her house. Her parents aren’t usually home until late into the night, so now and then, Ichika and I accompany her. Yutashi’s talking about the female vagina as Ichika laughed on and on.
Now we are walking home, stomachs full from Yutashi’s cooking. Ichika told me that if I can ever cook like Yutashi, he would love me forever. Jokingly, I told him that if I cooked for him, he has to kiss me. He said back that I don’t even have to cook for him, he would kiss me now if I asked him to. So I asked him to kiss me. He hesitated then told me to close my eyes.
“No,” I said. “If you’re gonna do it, then I wanna see it.”
He blushed at that statement. I watched him as he close in on me and softly and carefully, our lips touched for the first time. My heart skipped a beat and I stood like a stone. Ichika started laughing nonstop.
Suddenly, I’m holding Ichika’s hand. I’m telling him to stay. I’m telling him to hug me. He’s shy and nervous. I tell him again that I love him and for him to stay, to only hug me back if he feels the same way. Slowly and shyly, he wrapped his arms around me then he said, “I like you first, you know, Damo.”
This time I was the one to kiss him. He accepted my kiss and never rejected it. Never. Until…
Suddenly, my mother and father is yelling at me but I kept my hold onto Ichika. I yelled at them back and told them this was who I am and will be. They stared at Ichika like he was the devil. He stood beside me, not afraid to go through this with me. When the argument was not going anywhere, I took Ichika to my room and shut the door on them. About thirty minutes later, there was a knock at the door. Twelve years old Inami stood there with a smile. She hugged us and told us to not worry about our parents, because she will deal with them so we can just continue on loving each other.
Suddenly, we are sending the applications for Morone University. We laughed as we hug, relieved to get it done and confident that we will get in. Weeks later, we received our own letters of acceptance. We ran to each other’s house, meeting half way, and jumped in happiness. Then we are in my room, still happy. Then we are excited and one thing lead to another. For months, we’ve been exploring each other’s bodies, but that night was our high light. We didn’t stop until we were both satisfied. I imprinted his moans and groans and husky voice and sweaty hands and hooded eyes and sloppy kisses into my heart and long term memories.
Suddenly, we are in college, Yutashi’s wearing a nurse uniform. Ichika and I are both on honor roll and well respected for our intellectual self. We were both afforded the same job. Ichika let me have it as he searched for one himself. The job wasn’t what he wanted, he told me, it’s too elite. Then when he found his job, just days later, I realized what he meant. He would just rather work in an office and in a desk then go around and make announcements.
Suddenly, we are staring at a beautiful house. Though the seller was right there, Ichika snaked his hand into mine, and I hold onto it. This was the house. Our house together. Our home. Then we’re spending hours and hours just buying furnitures for our new house, arguing and arguing and then agreeing.
Suddenly, we are in our dream car. We didn’t even have to say a word, we knew this was the car. Ichika said it was for my birthday, but I made it both ours, just like the house. I don’t want to share with him, I rather he own it with me.
Suddenly, we are overworked.
Suddenly, we’re done paying the debt for the house and car.
Suddenly, we’re making plans to go camping.
Suddenly, Ichika’s with another man.
Suddenly, I’m talking about his family.
Suddenly, Ichika’s wanting alone time.
Suddenly, I’m agreeing with him.
Suddenly, I’m regretting it.
I don’t want him to go. I don’t want him to leave me. I don’t want to see him love another man. I don’t want to see him without me. It’s odd and wrong. Why couldn’t I be next to him? I’ve been with him the longest. So why is it that he’s not choosing me?
It breaks my heart to know he doesn’t choose me, but I chose him and I always will. I don’t want to break up with him. I want him with me, just as we promised, for life. I love him and I always will, even if he doesn’t anymore.
With that, I awoke to beeping machines and a white ceiling. Inami told me that I fainted and was hospitalized as well.
“Ichika,” I looked at her.
They discharged me after seeing that I am well. Inami took me to Ichika’s room, there he was, laying still and pale. I shook my head. Did he really wanted a break up with me? Or was he just playing with me? The pain and anger of the argument was real, I can still feel it.
I pulled Yutashi aside and talked to her. Turns out, I was not the only that lost his memories, Ichika lost his as well. She suspected that the “nightmare” he had was the memory he lost, the memory of the accident.
I went back to our house and carefully looked at it. Ichika was so lost that he didn’t even properly take care of it. I went to my parent’s house and took all our things back to our house. Then I went to the car repairment shop to see what process our car was in, only to find out that it was already fix but no one was picking up the phone. I thanked the workers then drove back home. The memory of the argument was real alright, but the truth behind it was too mysterious.
After cleaning the house, I cooked and went back to the hospital. The food’s for Inami as a thank you for taking care of me and now Ichika. I told her to go rest. Then I went to sit next to Ichika and grabbed his hand.
Just what in the world happened to us, my love?