It was a mindset, not just a place. I didn't think that when I first walked in. In fact, the first time I walked in, I never thought I would return, let alone think that it would ever hurt this much to be told that I have to leave.
The first time I walked in, I knew no one but the guy I was talking to at the time. I'd never even heard of the place, but that's what made it the town's best kept secret, I guess. A music venue, art studio, record store, bar, lounge, and the only live glass blowing studio for miles. Had I known all this at first, I would have fallen in love with the place at first sight. But I didn't because it was all contained inside of a shitty, plain looking building. Plus, there weren't very many people there and it was an open mic night, which I hated rap. The people on stage had too much hype and everyone else that was there was completely wrapped up in their own little universe and not paying attention to the performers at all. I know I wasn't either.
When we got there, we were already drunk. I was with the guy I'd been hanging around with for a few weeks. He went over to the bar to talk to the other people he knew there as soon as we got there. For a minute, I followed, feeling rather uncomfortable. I ended up eventually making my way over to one of the glass display cases that was being watched over by a girl with dreads. She looked approachable. She and I ended up hitting it off really well, though. We got really pumped about a conversation about people misjudging other people. But oh when the owner of the place approached me, not looking like someone I would approach on a normal basis with a large Chinese rice hat, missing tooth and dreads that dangled down to his waist, that was when I really started to feel a little more welcome. The first thing he even said to me was, "Hey, you wanna be my future ex wife?"
I ended up leaving early and walking home. I didn't ever think I'd go back. I wasn't really feeling the vibe of the place. Sure it was welcoming, but I felt like a fish in sand--like I sincerely did not belong. When I got home, however, I was told by my date that everyone was asking where I went and kept telling him to bring me back because I'm pretty and they wanted to hang out with me more.
Obviously, I went back a few weeks later and easily got swallowed up and accepted, or rather adopted, by the regular crew. They immediately loved me and I immediately found my new home.
And now I'm let with this gaping hole in my chest because I just want to go home.