My Coming Out Story

Hi. ..

I'm Anurag Gupta. ..I'm 25 years old nd I'm Gay. I'm basically from Muzaffarpur Bihar. Last 5yrs I'm in Hyderabad,I came here for my studies and now I'm doing job.

Last week my parents came to Hyderabad. So I thought ki mai iss baar Daddy ko bata dun dat I'm GAY. .. below is my coming out story :)

Scene at CCD: 8pm 22may2016

Me: Daddy aapko kuch batana hai. ..Mere life se related.

Dad: Han bolo

Me: smiling, Daddy pata nahi kahan se aur kaise aapko bataun..

Dad: are bolo beta, jo bolna h befikr bolo.

Me: ahh! *started idhar uthar ki baatein*

Dad: *after few mins* are bolo kya baat karna tha

Me: again smiling nd by making a sad face I said" Daddy I'm Gay"

Dad: hein. .. kya?

Me: Daddy "I'm Gay"

Dad: Hindi mei bolo, kya kehna cahh: re ho.

Me: Daddy aapko samlanging pata h..?

Dad: Haan..kya hua?

Me: Daddy mai wahi hu.

Dad: kya? kiske saath?

Me: are daddy ksisi k saath nahi , Mujhe bs ladke pasand aatey h ladkiyan nahi.

*samlankgik jo log apne gender k log pasand kartey h*

Dad: haan pata hai, ye khayal aya kahan tumhare mann mei aur kab se?

Me: daddy I was born as a Gay, mujhe bachpan se se ladko mei hi intrest aata tha like, mai sochta tha 'kaash wo ladka mera dost hota, uss ladke se mujhe baat karni chaiye n all'

fir jab mai 13-14 ki age mei aya tab mera attraction aur v badhtey gaya, mujhe lagta tha ye bimari h mujhe… ya mai aise kaise ban gaya ..mujhe apne aap se nafrat hone lagi thi, every day I use to fight with myself ki mai aisa nahi hu...mai normal hun.

muhje lagne laga ki mai 'hizra' hun..isiliye jo maine sucide attempt kia tha wo xam results se related nahi tha..Main reason ye tha...

uss waqt toh mujhe khud pata nahi tha mere saath kya ho ra hai,,mai q aisa feel kar ra hun same sex k log ko dekh kar.

fir mai iske baare mei net.pe search kia aisa q mai feel kar ra hun,mai aisa q bantey jar a hun,fir social media k through jana mere jaise bahut se log h...mujhe khud ko accept karne mei 5-6 saal lagg gaye.

Dad: are beta ye sab samlangik kuch nahi hota ye sab videsh ka aya hua h, hamari sabhyata mei aisa kuch nahi hai, ye west k logo ki dein hai.. unki koi sabhyata nahi h koi rokk tok nahi hai...wo jo cahein kartey hai,har cheeze try kar chuke hai,dekhtey ho tv pe dikhata h ki abb wo insaan ka mans v khatey h...

Me: daddy mai gay paida hi hua tha,ye mera choice hi nahi tha, mai toh kabhi kisi foreigner se mila nahi jo mujhe ye sab bataya, aur ye feelings toh bachpan se hi tha.mujhe toh kuch pata hi nahi tha iss sab k baare mei.

aur mere jaise bahut log h dunia mei, mere bahut se frnds h yahan , unke parents ko pata h unke baare mei.

Dad: unke parents kya bole unke baare mei

Me: they are very ok with it.ye natural hai.

Dad: kahin aisa toh nahi. .. ki koi ladki chorr di tumhe love failure smthng?

Me:nai daddy aisa kuch ni hai..

Dad: tumhari itni saari girl friends hai...kabhi tum ya kisi nei tumhe propose nahi kia?

Me: nai daddy mera intrest kabhi nai tha unpe bs wo acchi friends thi, lekin 2 ladki propose ki thi 1 school n 1 college mei.

Dad: accha abhi ye sab mann pe depend karta hai...aage chal k shadi hogi sab normal ho jayegaa...

Me: shadi ..No daddy kabhi nahi wo b ladki se...jindgi shadi karna nd baccha paida karna hi nahi h...

Dad: are shadi k baad jindgi khud change ho jayegi ye sab sochne ka time nahi milega..

Me: nahi daddy aap samjh nahi rahe hai..mujhe ladke pasand h agar mei kisi ladki se shadi b kar lun..kitna din mera relation chalega hardly 4-5 saaal...mere se nahi ho payega daddy,,,kisi ladki ki jindgi mai nahi kharab kar sakta.

Dad: bahut log shadi k darr se b ye sab sochne lagtey h...mere bahut se umar se bade mitra hai jo shadi nahi kiye, apna sara jivan social work ya novels n books likhne mei bita diye...tum v abhi soical work mei lagae ho orpnage jatey ho...agar tumhara dhyan udhar hai toh kuch galat nahi hai…

Me: nahi daddy aapko iske baare mei kuch malum nahi h... Mai paida hi aisa hua tha…mai aapko bata v nahi sakta jab mai bada ho raha tha aur ye sab attraction jab se start hua…kaise kaise mai ander ander hi khud se ladai karta tha, udaas rehta tha,,hamesha suicide ki baat sochta tha…mujhe pata hi nahi chal raha tha aakir ho kya raha hai… kitna frusted and depression k saath mai bada hua jab tak mujhe iske bare mei pata nahi chala.

mai kaise samjhau aapko ...mai gay hun aur ye baat sach hai kuch galat nahi hai.

Dad:hmmm. .. Okay koi baat nahi...mujhe time do...mujhe isko samjhe mei waqt lagega..But tum ghabrana mat tumhare dad tumhare saath hai aur dunia mei kuch galat sahi nahi hota hai. It’s a very new thing for me.

mujhe abhi bahut jankari lena hai iske baare mei.

Me: daddy you tube pe isse related thode videos hai jise dekh k aapko samjh ayega .. 'Satyamev Jayatey" 3RD season ka 3rd episode dekhiye aapko jyada knowledge milega"

Dad: haan haan ..wo sab hum aaram se dekhenge aur samjhenge.

aur jahan tak shadi ki baat hai wo toh secondary hai...koi force nahi hai.

Me: :) :) :D

Dad: are coffee piyo mera khatam b ho gya tum waise hi rakhe hue ho.aur ye baat apne doston se share kiye ho?

Me: chandan ko bataya tha daddy usko samjh ni aya, ujjwal ko batana b nahi hai..Last year maine Swati n Nancy ko bataya tha( Swati n Nancy are my own sisters)

Dad: acha !! unko toh samjh b nai aya hoga ye sab..

Me: lol! Daddy unko sab pata h iske bare mei isiliye toh bataya..They are very ok with it.

news , social media tv pe kittey cheezein dikhatey h iske bare mei. So they had enough knowledge nd they were mature enough to understand isiliye bataya.

Dad: Mummy ko pata h?

Me: naii daddy..Mummy ko toh batane ka himmat b nai hai...aap samjhenge isiliye aapko bataya.

Dad: hmm..Ok abhi mat batana tum toh jantey hi ho mummy ko kaisi h rona dhona nd fir health kharab kar legi.Sahi waqt pe unko batana.

Me: haan Daddy...

Dad: aur baithna h yahan ya chalein..

Me: nahi ..chaliye daddy..

*while coming out from ccd...I really felt ki something heavy released from my body...I was feeling so lite n relieved.. .