It's good for me to be so nice and forgiving of people. I have things that happen to me and it is things that are normal people would be so done with and never try again to fix. So example from my personal life... On my birthday which was a few days ago, it was the morning in the cafeteria before school, and my boyfriend walked past me without saying anything to me, my best friend next to me whispered, "faggot". I did feel a little disappointed. But, just because of who I am, I forgave and just thought, he probably has a reason, he'll make up for it. He really didn't. All he did was send a picture that said, 'may you live long enough to shit yourself.' Yeah it's bad but he know I would laugh at it, we got each others humor. it was a knock off birthday card. He said that the other things he could have said or sent were too mushy. Well... then don't get me a card duh, just attempt to be sweet and say 'happy birthday', that's it. But I'm probably just acting like a little bitch girlfriend being all picky and shit. But really, that is lame.
But see look at me, I am forgiving and then shrug it off and say I don't care. I can be tough but the same time, sensitive as ever. Just one act or video or phrase or something about love and couples, I can freak the f--- out and scream and rant for no reason. I just really hate people and their stereotypes its awkward AF ------- I don't like all of those oh you have to be romantic here on this specific day. Like, can it just happen on their own please? He's not even that type to be (successfully) romantic. My guys never are. And it's it what I secretly crave in a nonverbal way.. but not like that though... And see, again, I don't even demand it up front. I want to, but I never have the audacity to say it, so I shrug it off. I'm forgiving, I don't care. I ultimately need another me -- somebody to fully understand my passion for digging into music and dancing to it and looking just as fat and awkward as me. But everyone knows that can't be helped no duh. I like when people open up to things they don't tell other people. That then, I feel I have a purpose in their life and I am not just a back-up friend that they talk to when they have no other friends around them. I hate being that "friend". So really, I hate peoples stupid souls that can't feel shit and, who have to be perfect and act good, but sometimes really are that, and sometimes really all of that and smart, and then me, I have nothing and I am nothing, I am always self conscious about myself and still today. My self-esteem is as low as f--- and I don't seem to care enough to fix it or anything. My perception is lost.