Dressed with her armor called "simplicity," shines with her mask called "felicity," blooms with her fragrance called "dignity" and known for her pleasing personality - that's how they define me based on how they see, based on how they know me. But as I look on the other side and search for the "pearl on the countryside," I know I must understand the real definition of "me." And as I ride the rollercoaster called "life," I realized that I should understand who I am rather than how people define what I am not.
Everyone has its own identity that make himself unique and distinct with others, but do I really know my personal identity? Do I really know the aspects that mold the uniqueness in me? How I became different? How do I understand myself?
There's a lot of questions running in my mind as my classmate ask me "Alice, what makes you, you?" That very moment I realized the things and people that shaped my personality contributing in knowing my identity. I know that Alice will never be "Alice” in herself. There are several aspects that help me in building and knowing myself and one of that is my very own experiences.
I believe that I was born so innocent. Just living, know nothing. And this time, John Locke perspective of self, come along with the realization. As the Blank State Theory said that people are like a blank paper, which is plain and doesn't have any lines or figures draw or written on it but as time goes by, there are lines, shapes, figures and colors placed on this canvas making it an astonishing masterpiece.
Like in our life, we are born without prior knowledge about everything. However, as the cliché quote said "experience is the best teacher," we grow older and encounter different things that gave us the lesson and experience that we can used in our daily and future decisions. Our experiences help us to understand why and how everything exists.
I know that I am "me" as long as I know that I am. Locke also stressed that everyone is an intelligent being that he/she can used in his/her daily living and that's what he called "consciousness" and memories also deals with it. Yet, everyone has memories keep in their mind and continuously collecting another one as he/she live every day, that is why as long as you are human, you have consciousness, you have a self.
I remember when I was a child, we used to play in our backyard with different staff in my "lutu-lutuan" session with my younger sister. We played muds as our chocolate soup and plenty of leaves as our vegetables. Then after that, we will play ball until the sun hides from us. One day, even if it's dark outside, I still play ball in our backyard. I enjoyed it because there will be a class for tomorrow. Then suddenly the ball went to a pot of plant in our mini garden, it's so dark so I just groped it in the pot. Unexpectedly, the ball that I am searching hopped towards me! I screamed because it a frog, not just a frog but a bullfrog!
I was crying all night and drag in a deep hole of fearfulness. I am already sick when I decided to go in the CR, well as I open the door there's a small sticky object jumped in the head. I thought it was just a drop of water but as I remove it from my head, I saw a small long-legged frog! Yes, I am the most unfortunate kid that day. I suffered from three days sickness after that horrible encounter with frogs.
Since then, I have phobia of frogs. I hate seeing or even just think about them. That experience and creepy memory molds my behavior towards dark and wet places where frogs are living.
As the bundle theory stated, self is a collection of feelings and memories that shape our personality. The way we think and act is a product of what we encounter and belief.
Like in our lives, we experience different emotions - happiness, sadness, anger, fear and upset but these feelings help us to better understand ourselves because we are the one who felt it and there's a reason behind. As we sailed in our journey, we also encounter win and lose. Struggles and success are already part of our life and each one of it leaves a lesson that we can used for our future challenges. That that's how I understand myself! I am me because of my experiences and memories that will serve as my "seatbelt" as I ride the ups and downs of my rollercoaster called "life."