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My Sin

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Him = Present, Him= past

Somebody rang my doorbell, I woke up and looked outside from the window. It was him standing outside looking at me to open the door, I went near the door looked at him shockingly, I asked him what brings you at my home at this time.  He entered and said I need your laptop I have some work and I did the same we sat down at a distance from each other and I switched on tv, he was busy doing something on my laptop and in between we were talking a bit.My family was on vacation of 10 days we were all alone in our big house. Suddenly he came to me and took the remote and started talking about the last night fight we had, about the lie that he is with someone else from now. he took the remote from my hand and switched off the tv, I tried to snatch it he started playing I was trying to get remote from his hand and after two minutes of this childish game, he hugged me said sorry and kissed me. I stopped him either neither I kissed him back I just lay down there quietly while he was kissing my lips and I didn't realize then that after a year this moment will bring me here where I am right now.After that long kiss, he asked me "You love me" a tear ran down through my cheek and I started crying. After that day many times he kissed me and many times I cried my heart and soul out and but it was not limited only to kissing on lips. On those 10 days, we came closer.On the other hand on that same time, my bad relationship started healing after long fights he finally understood, now he used to call me daily, he messages me properly, I was in a long distance relationship from last 4 years, so does he but he was 26 years old and was not even 20.

One day he took me out for a movie and asked, did you broke up with him or not! I sat quite and one day I did break up with him and went on a new relation. Not because I loved him but because you can't say no to the person you talk 24 hours and can't tell them to stop when they kiss you. Yet I was not in love with him because I loved him. he's ignorance and busyness made me cry every night I was falling out of his love. He stopped caring, talking anything, everything. And there he was standing in front of me with all these things I dreamt of, long rides, hugs kisses and love though my soul was stuck to him, he made me feel loved like no one else did. But then again I had to come here for education and again I went on a long distance relationship.

It has been a year I broke up with the one I loved the most I tried to forget him every day and in between, he also tried to comeback. When one day he proposed me with a ring I promised to myself that I will forget him totally. But then one day after 4 years of relationship and 1 year of breakup he posted my special message sent to him a year ago on Instagram and I couldn't stop myself from messaging him and a conversation started from "why you posted that " to " I can't live without you". Today everything ran through my mind that how everything happened to happen like that. I still can't stop myself from looking after to him when he is in pain. he had also realized his mistakes and ignorance.and my heart still gets melted when he says I love you.Now when he asks me why did you goon a new relation I ran out of answers.

I am disturbed by the fact that I left him and I choose my happiness over this relationship. Am here confessing my sin from kissing him to missing him


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My Sin

26 Launches

Part of the Confessions collection

Published on May 01, 2017

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