N, Sir Newton was right. And I know you knew it so well. We studied about him together for four years. Except that the last year, you spent it with her. I used to come across the two of you sitting on campus benches. I'll always stand back and run. You both look vibrant, I used to tell myself. That's why whenever I see you there, I would look for other routes.
It hurts so much that I shunned you... I was not able to comprehend and process my feelings before. I was dumb and the feeling of falling in love seems to be a roller coaster ride I cannot handle. Then she came like rain on an arid desert that soothes the loneliness you've been carrying around for so long. Soon, shorter distance gravitates you toward her until you both share the same magnitude of affection. I regretted every single moment that I pushed you away.
N, can you remember our days in the lab? Or us fighting over petty things? Or the books we used to read and our views about them? I bet you can't because the most important memories now are the ones you are creating with her. Everything is vividly painted in this hippocampus of mine... even the saddest ones. I can't let go. These are the thoughts preoccupying my mind each night.
I can't forgive you for hurting me when we were walking down the alley while I'm confessing. It was too late. She already have you. I can't forgive you until now for I cannot forgive myself every goddamn time. I was broken and bitter. It was never your fault. You were so good to me. I wish we could go back to where we started, being friends. I wish I could go back to the time when you first talked to me and lent me your earphone. I never liked the songs but those are yours. I wish I did not complicate things and avoid you because I cannot understand my emotions. But now, I am struggling day and night moving on.
N, Sir Newton was right. And I know you knew it so well. It was not the fall that hurts. It was knowing that you've hit the bottom. It's better off this way, I guess. It made me realize there are things that are never meant to be. And one those is you, N, for me.