NEVER LET HIM IN AGAIN

They say opportunity knocks at your door only once. So when it does, you have to open up and grab it before you lose that chance. But when it comes to someone you love knocking your door for the second or even third time around, it’s a different story anymore.

You came in at first knock and I let you enter my world. You’ve made so many memories with me and created a life we both enjoyed. Within those years of being happy together, you taught me to open not only a single door but also the windows. I learned a lot from you. We loved each other so much, too.

Time went by when things started to change. Some routines went off from how they’re similar to me. The comfy home filled with the resounding laughter of bliss was now filled with booming silence. And every time you walk out the door whenever sour moments come uninvited, I always stop you from leaving but you always choose to take a step.

Leaving the door was so easy for you. Walking away from my world gives you so much confidence. Until such time when leaving became your habit. It became your vice. And for all the times you stood me up, for all the weary nights I had to stay awake wondering whether or not you’re coming back, I waited long. I waited patiently ‘til I became so good at it.

Patience in waiting became my pills giving me the peace of mind I deserve. And to comfort my longing heart, I consumed twice than the usual take. I overdosed. Your absence became cancer to me, that waiting for you was the only cure. But like cancers, they never get healed, they were only curable.

So I left the door wide open in case you return. I always leave it unlocked in case you decide to come back. Yet seasons have already changed, the flowers have bloomed in spring and the world continued spinning. But my door was still the same. It was still half-open. I am still waiting in vain.

Then one day, a second knock came to my surprise. The way you knock the door like how you did before leaving a rhythm of how I remember our favorite song. The sound was so good and I felt really great. I hurried to the door and cried as a familiar face showed up at my doorstep. It was you.

But I always believe in second chances, I always believe when people say love is sweeter the second time it knocks at your doorstep. I always believe in us. So I let you in for the second time in spite of how I have been warned and told not to go back to the same old love.

Because the second knock means second chances. The second moment of filling out the void somebody left. Second hope of getting back the shattered memories. The second prospect of creating new episodes of another story.

But I didn’t know that it would also be your second chance of breaking my heart. I didn’t know that the second knock would lead you walking out the same door for the second time around. Until it happened the third time, the fourth time, the fifth, until such time when I could no longer count the next. Till I ran out of giving chances. Till I was consumed with my patience.

I closed the door.

Not because I don’t love you. Not because I was afraid you’re not coming home. But because I was so damn sick and tired of forgiving. I was exhausted from being generous that whenever you knock on my door, I always let you come in like nothing’s happened. I always welcome you with open arms and a touch that heal deep wounds and broken promises.

But my heart got tired already. I could no longer bear the chance of you destroying me. I could no longer be the person you ran to whenever bad things happen. I could no longer be the one you used to call home. And even if you knock my door tomorrow or the next years to come, I will never open the door anymore. I have done more than enough and this time I have given up.

Can’t you see? We only suffer from the pain we choose to live with. And with him hurting me like this, do you think he’s still worth it? Do you think he’s still worth the wait? Remember, second chances are given only to those who deserve them. But if you have given out unlimited chances and he never changed and learned, it’s now time for you to cut the thread.

So when he knocks at your door the next time around asking for another chance, forgive him but please be wise. Close the door. Lock the door and never ever let him in again only to destroy you even more.