It's been months since that love whom you've given your whole self to has left.
You were left with nothing but memories. You have forgotten who you were before you let him in.
You have just fallen on the ground, trying to get up, putting your pieces back, when another came knocking on your door.
You didn't know what to do. That time, you were still trying to accept the fact that your love has left already. You were still holding on to that glimpse of hope that he'll come back just like before.
You were still trying to get yourself back. And the guy knows it. But he has been different. Way different. He was too new for you. Everything about him is overwhelming.
You knew you were not you when you opened the door. Yet, you still allowed him to sit there and talk with you. Until you get close. Until you almost let him in. Until you fell for him. And you didn't want to admit that.
You were so scared. You knew you have a habit of pushing people away until you're satisfied that they won't leave.
You kept pushing, but didn't want him to leave. You pushed, yet you pulled back; once you feel that he's about to go.
That continued. Until he decided. Until he has had enough. You were too toxic to him. It was a good thing though. That he knows his worth.
But do you?
No. You don't.
So until you find your worth, please. Don't let yourself hurt another whose only intention is to show you love, to make you happy.
Don't fall for anyone. Not yet.
Not until you've found yourself again.
Not until you learn to love yourself fiercely first.
Not until you're willing to fight for someone.
Not until you're ready for the challenges to face with him.
Not until you really want to let someone in.
Not until you want to be accepted for who you are, the one you found again.
Not until you let your walls down.
Not until you learn to trust again.
Not until you really want to love again.
Not yet, Mairin. Not yet.