Past Midnight Death Theatre

It is interesting to note that even when your mind and heart gives up, your body still fights to stay alive. The innate biophilia ingrained in our subconscious. A keen sense for survival. Holding on to that last string of life, trying to weave something out of that last thread of hope. 

Maybe it's the body loving the soul so much it doesn't want to let go.

Not today.

 Not yet.

This is a story of how I die each night.

I say story but it's more of an anthology. You see, I never wanted to die so bad. Just kidding. Of course I did, but not like this. Not to the point of dreaming about it every single night. 

But here I am, trapped in my own personal theater my subconscious has so creatively directed.

The thing with having a personal dream theater is that I am in charge of everything. It is tiring work. I play the actors, both the villain and the protagonist. I create the props, paint the setting, and set the venue. 

I put myself in the narrative of my own voice and then project myself out of perspective. In my mind, I am omnipotent.

I write. I create. I direct.

My favorite part is saying "CUT!"

It means a moment before I hit the concrete or just before a train hits. Just a few seconds before the last air bubble escape my lips, or a wild animal takes a chunk of my hips. Sometimes before a faceless stranger's blade and my exposed throat meets. 

The best are the falling.

I am an angel with no wings. 

I fall. I feel the wind rushing against my face. My body weightless, eager to kiss the ground. I fall then I wake up. Cold sweat, heart beating fast and a choked scream caught in my mouth. Rewind or reenact. This time in real life.

The problem with dreaming too much death is wanting to relive it. Being addicted to the subconscious almost dying. Being in love with the rush of wanting to experience it all over again. Filled with the longing for the augmented reality of pain and cessation. I am seated, ready for the final past midnight show.

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Cover Photo Credits:  Niki Feijen

Article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2663259/Realm-beautiful-decay-Haunting-photos-abandoned-mansions-shuttered-asylums-deserted-amusement-parks-time-stands-still.html]