Piece by Piece

When the dust had finally settled and when the waves had finally calmed, will I find the jagged pieces of my heart on the floor or will I see you gently cradling my fragile heart with your hands?

When my father told me to jump down from the tree I climbed at the age of 10, I just looked at him and tried to see the sincerity in those dark brown eyes. Funny thing is, I did trust him. The trust of a little girl who knew that no matter what, her father is the one man who will never let her down – I had that. She knew that when her father promises to catch her when she jumped, he would stand by it. And so, when I saw the desperation and fear of losing me in my Dad’s eyes, I let go of the branches I was holding on to and launched myself off the tree. I wasn’t scared that I might break my bones if my Dad fails to catch me. What was scary for me was the anticipation that there is a possibility that he might not catch me.

At the age of 20, my mother proved to me that despite getting hurt, despite all the beatings that a human heart takes every day, one can still choose whether to stay or to go. It’s a choice between staying with the one you love with the possibility of having your heart trampled upon every single day yet knowing that love is still worth fighting for, and packing your bags knowing that when you walk through that door you will be leaving your heart behind with him. And she did stay. Every single day, she chose him like all his flaws were nothing but a mere bump in his personality. She loved him at his worst and cherished him at his best. And every single day of her life, despite the crippling possibility of getting hurt every day, she kept on choosing him.

And then this year I met you. The moment I talked to you I had a feeling that you will either make or break me. The first text you ever sent me sent me reeling with excitement as I knew that I found something worthwhile. The first phone call almost had me slide off my chair as I heard the deep sexy timber of your voice. The first time I laid eyes on you made my heart skip a beat and almost rendered me speechless. And so when you made those funny faces, I couldn’t do much but just smile and try to contain the laughter bubbling up inside me. And when you first made me feel like I mattered, like I was important, I tried to keep the butterflies in my stomach from rattling. Caged them in so they won’t creep up to my face or else you’ll see them in the way I blushed.

I was scared of what the future has in store for us. I always have been, and I think I always will. But every single day, whether we’re fighting against each other or fighting for each other, we both stayed. I kept on begging you not to leave, not to run away from the life that we’re both trying to build together but you’d always say the same: “You’re a fool to ever think I’m leaving you.” I know it hasn’t been easy for you. Dealing with me probably has been one of the most difficult things you can ever do. I’m grumpy, crazy and childish. Yet, those imperfections were accepted by you and you’ve started to slowly make me see how amazing I could be even with those flaws in my personality.

Back when my heart was still building impenetrable walls around itself, every single time you tell me you love me, I would always ask myself why you feel that way about me. I was nothing. But ever so slowly, every single day, you showed me that love… love may not be the answer to everything… it may never be enough at times… but I am sure of one thing about it – love heals and love builds.

Patiently you pieced back together the parts of me that countless people before you left for granted. Gently, you took my heart in your hands and placed it right next to yours and you laid with me on the rooftop as we both marvelled at the beauty of the stars above us.