The story I'll be writing is inspired by a conversation I had with a fellow Launcher (Neko Kagami). Any thoughts and ideas which I will place here are greatly influenced by her. I also dedicate this piece to my fellow Filipino launchers in the GC for also contributing in the piecing together of my ideas.
Have you ever wondered why a lot of people find dissatisfaction in this life? Have you ever stopped to think why, at some point in your life, you felt incomplete; like a statue which had its pieces stolen by a thief? Don't you think it's weird that some people, though they live good and normal lives, still find dissatisfaction and lack of comfort?
I have written this to come and suggest something. I have come to offer you a theory that might answer all your questions. But seeing as the things that run through my head never find a concrete embodiment on paper, I'd try to depict it in a story.
There was once a boy who was born into the world. Just like everyone else, he had no choice over who his parents will be, what kind of society he will first encounter, and the kinds of conflict that may play along with it.
Throwness. That's how an Existentialistic philosopher would refer to this condition. The boy had no control even over the fact that he would be born. He was just suddenly there, with everyone else, in a world enclosing all that he would ever learn. Of course, he never realized this condition at first. Just like any other kid, he played, did silly things, git his clothes dirty, and got scolded from time to time. He was part of the crowd, he was not an individual but a part of the whole. Everything would have been like this, he would live and grow with this kind of mentality, never to be bothered again. But one day all of this changed.
There was no Divine Intervention, no person who gave him the idea, and no book where he learned it from. But one day he suddenly realized, that he is by himself. There are people around him but they are not who he is. The world and all it contains function for a certain purpose, and come to their specific ends, yet he himself does not know why he is there.
"Why do I need to go to school?"
"Why are the people around me laughing?"
"Why do people do what they do?"
That was the first time he got paralyzed by all the thoughts that continued running through his head. Ever since hat day he felt something missing, like all this time he had been using an engine on the verge of blowing up. He needed a piece to complete him. He knew this, yet he was not sure what this piece actually is. Suddenly, everything felt incomplete. Like this life is not as fun as it should be and all the colors have faded into an eternal monochrome.
So here lies the question of the story: What exactly is this missing piece?
There are various... inumerable ways of finding the answer to this. Some answer it through love, in any of the possible versions of it. They try to find love in their family, friends, or in helping out strangers, or finding the perfect match. Then there are those who try to find it through their careers and the amount of cash they could gain. Some try to find it in their passions. The boy does not seek this missing piece alone because everyone looks for it.
We all naturally reach this point, some reach it in a subtler way and dismiss it easily, but for some it becomes unbearable. Try as they might, they cannot remove the emptiness which they feel. That is why the search continues, on and on. A never ending game of hide and seek; of looking for something which a person is not even sure to exist. Getting the wrong piece would only make things worse, since it is not supposed to be something which is put on a person.
There are days when the boy is happy hanging out with his friends, yet when he gets time alone within the four corners of his room, he starts crying. There are days when he achieves something, yet there is no sense of fulfillment. There are even days when he is showered with praises yet all he can see are hypocrites and lies. The idea of this missing piece did not come to him subtler, it came like a thief in the night. The thoughts robbed him of everything. They robbed him of the normal life that he was supposed to live. They robbed him of the simplicities and made him run and run, like a rabid dog, trying to find this piece that would end his insanity.
The boy, just like everyone else, exists. He is there, inside the crowd yet not part of it. Everyday of his life he moves, sometimes unconsciously, to find this missing piece; because every day spent without it makes the darkness thicker and thicker. Sooner or later everything will be covered in pitch black, but until that day comes, the boy will never stop looking for his missing piece.