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A Profit Of Losses

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Meet me I’m a writer. Unfortunately, blessed with a name which is the Hindi translation of gold, Sona Chandran. Sadly I still don’t know why! According to people, I’ve got less chances for survival . I wonder why? No, I was not the proprietor of a sick enterprise. I wondered if life was like a balance sheet. Either profit or loss, what is exactly a profit and how to cope with losses? This is a life changing question. And I’ve got you all confused. Okay here’s why?

The beautiful blunder of my life was my friend, Shaina, both of us were good writers. We planned to co-write a series of short stories. We started working on them in our second year. The date was fixed for the release after the stories were complete. We had planned to keep this a secret to avoid any unnecessary speculation and trouble. She convinced me into doing that. I wonder till date, if that was my foolishness or generosity I agreed with her. About a week before the scheduled date, on a Sunday I woke up to the most terrible news of my life. Shaina released the online series on her name. I felt so cheated and disgusted. I sped off grabbing my helmet determined to get my answers. I was a part of the making. I had worked my days and nights on it too. The passion I had for writing may have not been on it’s high back then, but that doesn’t mean I never was passionate. We had a terrible fight, but nothing changed.

I had my hands tied up. It was an online series. She could just say that I copied all the matter from the net and I have just forged everything to spoil her image. The safe zone she easily put herself to be protected was nothing but her plan. She turned everyone to her side when I confronted her. My friends now looked down at me. But when I knew the truth myself, I had no regrets of confronting her time and again. I have never been an errant, troublesome child ever since I was very young. I was a silent loner since childhood. My silence only spoke my pain. My silence yelled on the top of it’s lung every single day as the week passed.

I was in my room studying, which was very unusual when there were no exams. I tried to distract myself and that was a good way. The most harmless and beneficial I thought. My mother sat next to me and asked, “What’s wrong with you?”. “Nothing maa, just a lil’ tensed about my studies…. it has become quite difficult to cope with these tough advance accounts problems.” I muttered giving a big explanation. “What happened with the story you were working on?” she asked. I could not answer she’ll catch me if I lie. The decided release day was 2 days ago. I remained silent.

“Her mother and I met at the market and she told me that you were just helping her with the story she wrote. I knew she was lying. It’s your story also. I have seen you write it.” she said. I didn’t know how to thank god. She came to know without me telling her. Silent tears took over. She put a hand on me head. “Here read this,” she said handing me the news paper. ‘ A bird asked the bee why do you let humans steal your honey? The bee answered humans can steal the honey but they can never steal the art of making it from me. Only I know that- Someone may steal your work but nobody can take your caliber from you..’

That very minute my whole lookout changed. I started to look at what I had, not what I just lost. I realized I was wasting my time in thinking about something that has already happened. Now I should prove myself rather than just confront her. It’s time only poems and little college magazine essays put forth another step to write down stories. Stories that would compel people to think. I smiled finally. The original peace of mind set it again. I hugged my mom tightly.” I love you maa.”… The most efficient mother on planet earth to the rescue as a provision for the most low points in my life. (full courtesy to Provision for Bad Debts)

Well when I, Sona Chandran was the “Ms.Writer of Good Times” wrote funny stuff. I had a bunch of friends. I never thought I would publish at a large scale. That was the time my life turned around. I was like any other 20 year old B.Com. student – relaxed, determined to get a boring desk job and keep writing for pleasure. But life had something else in store for me I believe.

6 Months Later….

Oh Darn! The media is here too..I walked fast as ever left and right in the green room, backstage. The press conference was about to begin and I was too nervous. What am I supposed to talk? What kind of questions will I be asked? I really don’t know. I looked at myself in the mirror. Though all the make-up and stuff my mom pushed me into doing, was making me look all dreamy and elegant. My look horrified me even more. I shut my eyes tight, my palms folded and I started murmuring random prayers.This is not true…I’m dreaming… Please wake me up…What is all this sudden attention and live telecasts …Just wake me up until it is too late to be a beautiful dream.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Maa, I can’t do this….please..pleaaase” I started to beg like a child would do for an extra toffee. She dragged me to the chair and made me sit down. “This was the dream you saw with eyes closed and opened. This was why you thought every breath of your life was worth breathing. Is this daredevil army officer kid backing off in the last minute of the battle?” she asked. She knew what would channel my energy to boost the confidence. Since she knows I’m poor she is a creditor I needn’t pay back. She told me the same lines I told my father to explain him what my love for writing was.That was first move of this 6 month struggle. The journey that began in Pune and rode right into Mumbai. The city of dreams.

When I had the courage to turn all odds in my stride, then this was just the finishing ceremony of what I had started and a new future waited outside the conference hall. Why not? I beamed ear to ear. “That is my maa” I chuckled. “This is my daughter” she grinned..

“What exactly is this book about? Is it because you are an army officer’s child you were inspired to write on the subject?” a journalist enquired. “I’ll answer the second question before. Yes, because I’m an army officer’s kid I am very well acquainted to the topic and the fine details of army. It is more important for the youth to understand that you needn’t be in army to contribute. Our intelligence, dedication and decisiveness can also help in contributing to the nation. We are an asset the country is looking forward to. This is the journey of a teenage girl who lives near a cantonment area and follows the army into one of their secret mission. What happens next? Read to find out” I suggested.

“You were a writer for your college magazine and literature committee’s head. You had a co-writer, Shaina, in 24 of 89 written works. Why did you decide to write by yourself? Did she have absolutely no role in this?” the reporter asked. I sighed far away from the mic so that no one could hear. “Well she’s rather played a very major role…she made me realize I was good enough for myself.” I answered. My college friends cheered me from the seats they had decided to occupy in the end.

The interview went great. What I realized at every step I was taking closer to my dream increased my strength. This was bliss pure and little in size, the recognition spread slowly, little-by-little. I was usually not around in college. The conferences, youth summits and other activities kept me busy. But a little before the final year exams were to begin, college was a necessity. Even the degree was equally important for me.

Going to college was totally different from how it was before. I was not just the Literature Committee Head anymore. I was the girl who was no more called by her name except for a few close friends… when I walked around the campus I heard people whispering the name of my book…”Teen Major General”. Being in college meant popularity and attention but also facing the past. My ex-co-author and ex-best friend came up to speak to me. It was expected some time or other. So I thought instead of ignoring her let’s face it once and for all. “Hey..” Shaina said sitting next to me. I heard gasps all around me. “Hi..” I replied. “We can be friends again right?” she asked. There it is – most predictable question of the year.

I was just calculating what amounts of sarcasm and humor would just channel the bitter zing right through her. There was pin drop silence and the whole room focused on the both of us. “Stupids make mistakes again..” I blurted. “Hey I’m being so cordial to you after you even after you insulting me..” she said. I was gaping at her with a clear total disgust expression…”Come again lady…insulting you or revealing your black deeds?” I asked. She stared at me. This time her half truths, persuading mixed with a little blackmail won’t work. She was still looking at me. 

“You have seen me tremble only. You think that you hurt me like all others and walked away without looking back. I pity you so much you’ve seen only the few who fell, sad! You did not see me evolve. Now, what your cheap games have recreated is a value added human. I wish you had seen that time, but I’m sorry buddy now watch my back.” I whispered to her. She had no answer to that. It hit her nerve because all she wanted from her life was success and I, just wanted to be happy.

Exams tagged along like they pledged to never finish till the end of mankind. But some exams are funny they are not the pen-paper ones they are the exams life takes. Situations are responsible for changes in how a person thinks but some people change only the hard way. Oh! I hope you must have understood what I mean, the great aunties and uncles of India who’d rather compare their child with us, or compare their children with their peers. Hey…what’s that Darwin ka theory man??…Ha!! got it!! Survival of The Fittest. How foolish of people (and the most popular Adolf Hitler) to use this theory which was actually about well-being and survival of various species in ecology associated with careers and basic social life?

The summer get-together came all our family celebrated this together every year since everyone had vacations then. Tauji, taiji, cousins, buas etc. You find the whole clan at one place. Our farm house housed all of us during this celebration. I was not home to receive them but I joined them at the farm house after I finished my meeting with the publishing houses of Delhi. I was hungry as hell. Getting down from the auto I rushed inside. My younger bua comes right in front, I stopped horrified about to dash into her. “Busy author haa! Here she comes. Beta you go eat, then I have to tell you something very important” she told. “Yes bua what is it about?” I asked. “You are 22. What have you thought about the future?”,”That is a long topic, I’ll eat and come back, Ok!” I sped again.

“Hii, relax why are you running so much sit..” my cousin said. I sat down, “I’m hungry!!” I said.”I ordered the food..”he said. “What did you order?” I asked, famished. “Pizza!” he smiled. “Sounds good..” I said. “We can share the bill.” he said. “I’ll pay you don’t” I said. “Can you?” he whispered. “What do you mean?” I asked totally puzzled. “Umm… you’re not quite the job person I believe.. earn, save and spend..this is all supposed to be different with you right?” he asked. Oh god! Again.”I earn enough to pay the rent, bills and grocery…that is good enough”I said. That’s when the pizza boy came, I paid off and handed my cousin the bag. “Open it, I’ll just wash my hands and come to the dining area”, “Hey I was just asking sis don’t take it too seriously” he requested, I just smiled.

I came into the dining area to find tauji sitting there waiting for the meal. I took my plate and just put one slice of pizza on it. I took a large scoop of pulaav taiji had made. Her pulaav is just awesome. “Why didn’t you share the bill with him beta? He got a job, he should treat you all” she said. “Taiji all of us were so busy after the book release. Daddy treated everyone I did not, it was my turn. It’s the same naa.” I smiled and hugged her. “Eat Sona, you must be hungry.” I walked over to my designated place. In front of my mom. “Start doing a full time job beta, how much will this writing pay?” Tauji said. I was tired of answering everyone. My phoen was about to slip and fall of my pocket. Sitting next to him I put my phone on the table and started to eat. Just then my phone buzzed, unexpectedly ‘Royalty of GBP 200 credited in your account’ “Pound is running low nowadays” I muttered.

After a month…

It was the lazy Saturday morning and my dad was coming!! I waited while watering the plants in our mini garden. “She is the one right? Major General’s daughter…she became a writer I heard. My son was praising her book on the phone. But still she is like how she was before.” one of my neighbor spoke. Oh! Writing implies growing horns on the forehead. Grow up aunty! I pretended to ignore and watered the plants in my garden. “She was not home for 5 days, last week you know? She goes out quite often now and returns very late many times. Her friends drop her I believe. But sometimes it’s girl sometimes boy don’t know where she goes. Her father is in army…still so much of freedom?” another muttered. Yeah I’m no terrorist that’s why! Happy Realization Aunty 2! I rolled my eyes. My parents trust their upbringing and they never questioned my ideas because I was straightforward, my personalized version of goodwill with the parents. “She might go and spend in the club and elsewhere, parlor and all. Who knows? Children nowadays why will they care about the house..”aunty 1 commented. This is end of my patience. *about to shake the neighborhood* and then…

Before I had turned around I heard a boy speak. “Aunty she is my childhood friend, she goes around for youth summits and conferences you know. She meets other top artist and writers. You did not see Monday’s newspaper, did you? She went for the Writer’s Yearly Summit in London, the newspaper covered the details. She has been praised all around for her achievements. She will soon become very famous in the world. People are already waiting for her next book. She followed her father’s footsteps and her first book is about army. Her mother inspired her to write books and she earns a lot. But still she is watering the plants in her garden. How creatively she decorated her house… I don’t understand why she loves this old shack so much…tch tch..” he finished. I totally froze at that long speech.

Finally I turned to look at who the hell it was. Who knew all of this about me and has also seen my house? The hazel eyed boy looked right into my eyes. I took a few seconds to properly bring my eyes in default. I was gaping at him. “Piyush!!” I yelled. I dropped the bucket down and pounced on him. The big beast Piyush made me feel like I was a tiny earthling which could be crushed. “Finally on land rather than the border…” I said. “Finally home… Namaste aunty..” he said. What the heck he looked like an uncle next to me. But then I looked at him properly breaking out of his beary hug I turned to see my mom who was totally shocked. “How was your journey beta?” she stammered. She knew …then why was she shocked. I imagined the garden scene again. It’s either his ability to crush me or both of us hugging that way that shocked my mother. “Mom I’m fine..” I whispered. “I’m not… he didn’t stop holding you even after he saw me” she said. “What do you mean?” I asked. “You should know that better.” I was fathoming the reason. Should it be what mom was thinking. Really? He liked me?

I saw my dad seated in the living room chatting animatedly with Piyush. “Why are you both together this time. Anything special?” I asked. “He just made it to my squad last month and mentioned you, he said he missed you so we planned a little surprise” Dad said. “You both have a talk go..” he urged. I signaled him to follow me into my room. “Wow! Nice room..” he said. “Thanks” I said sitting on the chair. He sat next to me on the bean bag. “Are you spying on me?” I asked. “I guess because the writer never calls me up so army friends have no option..” he answered. “Like the army would ever have time to talk to their friends” I teased. “Hmm.” he sighed. “Hey, I don’t know how to be symbolic and all sweet. I will keep this straightforward. I like you..” he said. “What am I supposed to do?” I asked bewildered. He took out a box from his pocket. A ring! Shit! He is proposing and serious. I slapped my forehead. “Wait! Wait, wait!!” I pulled him back to the living room.

I folded my arms and tapped my foot on the floor. –Hey! I forgot to tell you, me and my dad, we love overacting.– “What?!” dad asked me. I narrowed my eyes at him. “The boy likes you and he is kind of nice” he said. I cocked an eyebrow. “Okay I agreed before you..fine, but you should settle down now?” he finished. “MAJOR GENERAL!! I’m only 22 you remember?” I yelled. “But beta you still have a little time.” he said. “Piyush listen you have a career and I have mine.. ok?! We are friends. I don’t need time. I actually need nothing. Tell your major general that he is your boss not mine” I blurted. “Sona I will retire soon and you don’t have a job also. You said you want to write. How will you manage?” he asked. Just then the doorbell rang. I sped to get the door. I knew it was my work contract. “Job!Job!Job!! Here” I yelled throwing the envelop on the table. It was a surprise for dad. I got an offer from the Economics and Commerce Training Dept. of India to co-author textbooks with experienced lecturers for high school. I was the youngest lad appointed in the history of this department. I was appointed, after one of the board member came across the details of my second book “A Profit Of All Losses” which concentrated of loss making units of India, its causes and possible measures. This book was meant for budding entrepreneurs.

My father opened it and looked at the paper. He hoisted me in the air like I was the 5 year old who he hoisted when I got A in my report or got the 3rd place in the quiz competition. “My child” he hugged me. I am writing and I will write forever. Some will be professional and the rest for my satisfaction. Just like before. Both of us then turned to Piyush. “Hey, some one will have to give me a treat” I teased. “What would you like ma’am?” he asked. “Cadbury and Cranberry Juice!” I cheered. “Report Card Day Style?! This little baby will never grow up!”

Piyush gazed at the box in his hand. ”We never stop trying… you know” he said. “In your dreams, Monster!” I threw a pillow at him. He is known for extra dozes of revenge so he threw two. Ten minutes later the living room looked like it was hit by an earthquake. “The Govt has decided to name this earthquake as ‘Son…'” my dad teased. “No!” I yelled. “Ok! Then Pi…”, “Not done MG!” he broke in. “Major Chandran Earthquake!” both of us shouted. “You two monkeys!!” dad called.

Yeh drama nahi bandh hoga… Lekin story ka curtain fall hua yaar!

….. A happy friend, a happy family and happy me. My version of perfect. I write and I’m proud about it. I have a place and purpose in this world. People of society sad news “I can survive! Any issue?”. I always wondered which day will I be so satisfied from life or from myself. What would I have to sacrifice for it? Will the balance sheet of my life ever tally? I did come across losses for all that was wrong. Life is simple, the excess liabilities are the negative forces of anger, the urge for being “accepted” by people. Cut it off. Accepting yourself for what you love is much better than treading the same old mechanical society law of life. Just work on building your assets, the talents you have. Make profit of all that you lose.

I lost my works to someone. But finally I made it to a better level. The society had a lot of problems accepting me for who I was. All of the difficulties we go through should not divert us from our causes. All we want from life is happiness, then why relate it to so-called norms of being successful in the eyes of society when it is all about us? Happiness & Satisfaction was my profit. What is yours?

Yours Sincerely,

Sona Chandran (Who is apparently a fictional character who you considered real for a few minutes, created by Nidhi Mehta)


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A Profit Of Losses

92 Launches

Part of the Life collection

Updated on January 04, 2017

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