"I will miss you a lot,
Think of you often,
Pray for you every day,
And always be proud of you."
I wanted to say.
I couldn't.
That and much more.
I couldn't say a word.
An invisible hand
Wrapped itself
Around my throat,
And my eyes welled up.
I wanted to tell you
How you meant the world to me
And how much I loved you.
I couldn't.
For love can't be measured
On weighing scales
And measuring cylinders,
And I honestly didn't know
How much I loved you.
All that I knew was that
It hurt to lean against the door
And watch you bent double,
Tying on your shoes
In silence.
It hurt to think
Of all those things
I really wanted to say,
When all I could croak out
As I looked into your eyes
Was an empty and meaningless
Three-letter word.
"Bye."
It hurt to hold back and think
That perhaps it was right
Not to make those promises,
After the countless ones
I had never kept.
It hurt to not let slip
The tears and the mask
Of a smile that hid them
When you leaned in
To give me that hug.
It hurt to wonder if it was the last.
It hurt to pretend
That I was alright
And that my world
Wasn't falling apart.
It hurt to get left behind
With the sun sinking
In a bloody sky,
Just as my heart was
When you walked away
From all these things I wanted to say
And me.
It hurt to learn over time,
That the only promise I've kept
Is one I never made.
I do miss you a lot,
Think of you often,
Pray for you every day,
And I always am proud of you.