Reasons To Not Love Me

I am not who I pretend to be. You see a stone, repelling every wave of affection and love because the real me knows how beautiful love is and how beautiful things always cause the most destruction. I learnt that the hard way, so it’s the only thing I have faith in.

I’m not much into trusting people. I may talk to a lot but I trust just the closest few. I have my issues with them too but I still stick to them because I don’t believe in giving up easily. If I do love you, I will do every single thing possible to make it work. I will fight, cry, scream and do whatever it takes to go on. You may not even want to stay then. I’m not a quitter, I’ve never been so I’ll keep fighting till the end, and expect you to do the same.

I don’t love easily. I’ll have trust and commitment issues throughout that WILL drive you up a wall every single day. There’ll still be a part of me stuck in the past and I won’t even talk about it to you; you won’t understand. You’re too naïve, too sweet to relate to it.

If I love you, you won’t know how to deal with it. When I do fall in love with you, I’ll be loyal, cheesy and just like any other protagonist in a Nicholas Sparks novel. I’ll prefer late night calls, talking till the sun comes up, random ice cream dates, walks in the rain and the small tiny romantic things we’ll do over going to parties and music festivals, dressed in fancy, uncomfortable clothes so that our friends can judge us while we’re too busy showing each other off to people who don’t even matter.

I’ll expect you to not care about my past or ask me questions about it. I won’t bother about your past either because I’ll be too busy loving you and planning out a future with both of us in it. If I accept you as a lover, I won’t be casual about it, because love isn’t meant to be casual. If I get into a relationship with you, it’ll mean you’re stuck. It means that I expect us to go on with our lives the same way, just with a different perspective and with you right by my side, all through it. I’ll expect you to stay.

I’ll love you till you don’t have a choice, but to stay. If you stay, you’ll have to not just be my lover, but my best friend too. You’ll probably have cold feet because you won’t know how to handle a connection like that and you’ll leave. I’ll fight, obviously. I’ll fight and beg you to stay; I’ll give in everything I have, just to change your mind. You’ll stay, but we won’t last long after that because then, I’ll leave. Once you push me beyond my limits, I won’t love you anymore. I’ll be sick and tired of dealing with your crap by then. I’ll walk out, close the door and burn the keys, forever.

When I leave, I will emotionally wreck you. There won’t be a single day that you won’t think of me and how I turned your whole existence upside down. I’ll leave, and never look back, leaving you to deal with it all on your own, because I’ll be done, just done with your insecurities and chains. I’ll move on and be happy while you’ll go around with different girls to parties every night and drown yourself in drugs, pretending to be happy.

I’ll destroy you and your faith in love. Your world will never feel the same again. Five years down the line, you still wouldn’t understand what hit you. So, don’t bother trying to get to know me, it’s a trap. Don’t love me; because I’ll leave an impression on your life that you’ll never be able to get off. Don’t love me, because it won’t be worth the end.