The three forces returned yesterday, all hopes draining from their faces. A week at the locations starred yet there’s no mentioned or sighted of Namaste. The picture Arigato gave to make print did not allude anyone in comforting them about anything.
“She’s very good at hiding,” I said as one member of the first force, Koma, hand me a drink. A week of working that leads to nothing always wear down people, a little break always help.
“Either that, or she really have no intention in coming back,” Koma said.
Next to me, Arigato tensed up. Since their return, he’s been drifting into thinking land and didn’t speak much. Koma handed him a drink as well.
“Don’t worry too much,” another member, Durham, said. “It could be that she knew we were looking for her and hid very well. When we find her, I’m gonna give her a gold medal for hiding.”
Koma burst into laughter. “Either that, or we just sucks at finding runaways!”
Inomi, their last member in the First Force, joined her as he lightly punched her arm. “Stop making stupid assumptions, you’re not helping!”
“Arlington never had such a good runaway before, I’m for real,” Durham added.
“Arlington never had a runaway since!” Koma grabbed her drink and finished it off in one go. “I need more if I don’t want to be going into depression. All my life, I’ve been waiting for a good case and now I can’t even solve this one, and I’m not even the one leading it!”
Inomi shook his head and slide an arm around Koma. He lightly pat her and said, “Don’t be so down.”
“Here,” Durham pour his bottle into her cup. “I’ll help you. I think I need it too. I’m starting to feel guilty.”
I sighed loudly for them to hear then said, “Guys, have hopes.”
They just nodded, but say nothing more. I turned from them to Arigato, who haven’t even touched his drink. I reached out and pushed the drink closer to his hand. He noticed and looked up from the table to me, “I’m sorry. I’m not in the mood.”
“That’s alright,” I held up mine. “Just don’t reject a friend’s sympathy, it’s not good.”
He smiled a little as he grab his cup and just held it in his hand.
I laid my cup back onto the table after finishing it half way when he looked at me and said, “I must seen like a child begging for sympathies.”
He saw the surprise in my face, so he quickly defended himself, “Because I am always crying and looking at you guys for motivation. I’m never looking after myself, even causes a great leader like you to oversee me as well as your job. I feel like a little lost kid, though I’m turning 22 soon. I feel so weak and not worth your time.”
I smiled with relief. I thought he had turned what I said into a guilt trip for himself about trust and sympathies, but it just turn out he has no self-confidence.
“I’m not as old as you think I am, Arigato,” I said. “I’m only 27 years old. And it’s ok to feel like a lost kid sometimes. No one is perfect in the adult life. Sometimes, being a lost kid makes you more human than a always mature and knowing adult.”
A warm smile spread on his lips. He put the cup of alcohol to his lips and took sip. “‘You’re so mature.”
I laughed a little at that. “That’s because I never had a chance to be a kid.”
He looked at me confuse. “You’re parents were strict?”
“Not strict, just dreamers.” This time I stare at my cup of yellow liquid. “They couldn’t have kids and when they adopted me at the age of five, they have always have big expectations for me. As a kid who never had parents, I really wanted their adoration, so I never stopped surprising them with my intellect and well mannered self. They loved me so much, and as they adopted more kids, I realized, I gave them a wrong viewing of me. They enjoyed my little brothers and sisters more than me. In the ocean of family, I just became a mature and wise eldest brother. A trait that I carried into my career with me.” I gave him the most convincing smile I can mastered up at that point.
He doesn’t said anything yet I couldn’t help but feel like he wanted to say something, but stop when he realize it wasn’t proper for the line of friendship we have right now.
I picked up my cup to finish it when he asked me, “You said that your parents never judged your biological parents decision to let you go, do you?”
His eyes stare at me as I finished the yellow liquids and sat the cup back down. My eyes stayed on his as well, not really knowing what to say and half surprised that he asked it as well shocked that I never really thought about this before.
“Well,” I started then broke the stare off and turned to Koma with my cup for a refill. “Judge? No. I don’t judge them either.” Koma grabbed the cup and I turn back to him. “I met them during my senior year in high school. She was pregnant at fifteen and my father was a drug addict. My mother, she was a lost kid. Her own parents wouldn’t help her and she had no one and nowhere to turn to. She knew that if she kept me, all I’m going to grow up to being was a drug addict as well. She wanted a life that was good for me, like the one she once had before meeting my father. So she did what she thought was the best choice for me, giving me to another family for a higher chance of a better future. I admire her for making such a decision at her age, but I never judged her nor my father for not having me in their life. It’s not that they didn’t want me, it was that they couldn’t have me knowing my future would be ruin.”
I remember that day so clear when I came home to them sitting in the living room waiting for me. The previous night we talked on the phone and all I had for them was anger at throwing me out. But as soon as they hugged me and tears slipping through their acted face of calmness, I knew they loved me but rather have me have a life than a messed up one. As we talked, about my biological father’s near death overdose and how my biological mother just received a job she wanted to keep to build a stable life, I realized I love them more than I thought, just in my own way. It wasn’t a “Take me back Mom and Dad!” It was more of a “Thank you for conceiving and giving birth to me Mom and Dad.”
A hand on my shoulder broke me from those memories. I looked at Arigato, the owner of the hand resting and squeezing my shoulder. It was an act of empathy in us sharing this wicked life of not having a complete family, ones like those on TV with loving parents and siblings. But the way he kept his eyes on mine, like he was trying to reach for a deeper meaning of my existence, made me feel like he was trying to console me like I did to him when I started those lame jokes. Just a chance to see him actually smile.
“My mother loved us both,” Arigato said. “I remember her smiling face when she told my father and I that she was pregnant.” He looked down. “I never really told Namaste that.”
I grabbed his hand. “Then make that your motivation to find her!”
His eyes landed on mine again and I smiled.
“That should be the first thing you say to her when you find her.”
“Thanks,” he said and squeezed my hand back with a smile.
“Your cup,” Koma said with a cough.
I break away from Arigato’s stare and hold and took the cup, “Thank you Koma.”
“No problem,” she smiled and a jeering look can be found. I elbowed her and she burst out laughing. Then she turned to Inomi and Durham.
I smiled as I turn back to Arigato who now have a red face, embarrassed I guess. My smile grew.
“You know,” I said. “I did wanted to run away once too, when I was eleven, when my parents adopted three more children. They loved them so much and time spent with me was shorten. They told me to keep studying and to always protect the happiness of my younger siblings. I felt like I was there to be a bodyguard more than a brother and son and wanted to run away.” I knew I had his attention when he make eye contact with me again. “But I didn’t.” He smiled. “Because as I left with the backpack on my back, I saw my brother crying because the dog took his candy. I went to a store, bought a candy, and came back to him. He hugged me and I stayed. Well, that is until he’s no longer crying and is an adult. I became lazy and came to Arlington for a peaceful career and life.”
He chuckled a little at my silly smile.
“What I’m trying to tell you is that, yeah I’m mature and yeah I have many leadership qualities but I like being a kid too.” I sipped my drink then said, “It helps when you are moving this life alone.”
“Well I don’t think you are really alone,” Arigato said. “You have so many people looking to you for support and a large family loving you regardless of anything.”
I smiled. “Tell that to my empty apartment.”
He just smiled. We sat in silence as we sip our drink. It’s actually more comforting than I thought it would be.