I had a dream. With you in it. And in that dream where I didn't know exactly what the ending is, I just hope it won't ever, ever, come true. You see there was a time when I really thought dreaming was better than reality. For in there, all my thoughts, wishes, subconscious mind could come up with something so beautiful, the way I want. I could control what happens most of the time when dreaming. I could see, feel, and hear what I wanted to see, feel, and hear, unconsciously. I could feel what my heart cannot tell me when I'm awake.
Dreaming, once, was my favorite activity. But then things happened and little by little, I started to get numb from what my heart wants to say, and so dreams became nightmares. However, nightmares, which people get really scared of, weren't really scary at all. For I could still come up with scenarios that would make the ending of my own fantasy world not tragic.
For me, not being able to have or remember a dream is scarier. For I wasn't able to know what my self is trying to tell me.
And now, reality, no matter how hurtful and scary that is, is better, at last, than dreaming. For in reality, I am awake. No more fantasy world. No more events that won't even happen when I wake up. No more living a lie. No more you. No more coming back.
As of now, one thing is sure. That dream is a sign. A clue, telling me to leave everything behind to face the new year with no regrets, and no burdens of feelings from this year. Only with open arms. Arms so wide that blessings would go near me and hug me so tight that I would feel brand new, healed, and as though my pieces would be mended and stitched. Ah. How good it would feel.