Self-denial

What made me think that I’m capable of taking care of someone beats me.
How could I when I don’t even know how to take care of myself?
What made me think I’m capable of giving good advice puzzles me.
How could I when I can’t even apply it to myself?
What made me think that I’m capable of loving someone is beyond me.
How could I when I don’t even know how to love myself?

Sometimes I lay awake at night, wishing. Wishing things were still the same.
Not like this, sad.
Not like this, complicated.
Not like this, feeling suffocated.
Not like this, thinking I’m mad.

Sometimes I lay awake at night, wishing. Wishing things were different.
That I am someone else.
Someone not me.
Because I don’t like me.
I despise me.

I don’t need your pity
I don’t need your sympathy
Don’t waste your breath
To someone you haven’t even met
Go try to give it to someone else
And not to me who never listen.