"She was what I needed...how did it end like that?"
We hear this everyday from our friends, siblings, and possibly ourselves.
Yet we fail to answer the question properly.
It wasn't how she "changed".
It wasn't how she "went cold".
It wasn't anything about the relationship itself as much as it was the moment you decided to love that person in the first place.
You pictured her as what you exactly needed because you wanted to.
You pictured her as the one because you needed to.
It starts with happiness, euphoric anticipation...every breath, every word, every smile of that special someone is your serotonin.
You like how you're happy just by the thought of that someone.
You talk to her, you feel like you're a soda can about to explode.
You wait for her messages, her calls, her attention...even though you started no conversations, sent no texts, or did anything.
You start doubting, asking yourself "does she do this with everyone?"
Your logic starts kicking in, you feel scared that this happiness will go away...so you decide to confess.
P.S: the scenario here will display the situation in which she actually likes you back.
You go to her with a heartbeat rate that can generate enough electricity for your house for a year.
You confess that somehow she is the cloud that shades you from the sun of agony...she is the one that makes you happy.
She smiles, you nearly faint.
It's real, you're there.
This happiness is finally secured.
The first week is a blessing, the second is heaven, the third is joyful, the fourth is wonderful.
Talking all the time, having all that attention, and having all this love.
One time she forgets to text you back. your fear is only matched by your anger.
You have the first fight.
You don't talk for a day or so.
You apologize, she apologizes.
You start floating in the breeze of love again.
You have your second fight, the subject of "breaking up" waves near.
You notice things about her.
She notices things about you.
She's not the perfection you saw.
You're not the uniqueness she anticipated.
You guys will never admit to each other that your reality is not even close to your expectations.
However, you'll dissolve the disappointment of that in the many useless arguments and fights that you'll have.
A break up after another, you guys will keep coming together just to fall apart again.
You got attached to the happiness she brings to your life...but the ship is wrecked.
You can't save yourselves from the inevitable conclusion.
You decide that it's over for good, and you wonder why it all happened.
You're shocked by how nothing is secured anymore.
It's gone.
The first week you ignore.
The second week you hate.
The third week you're love-sick.
The fourth week you accept.
You keep going through this painful cycle over and over again.
You clash from time to time.
Now you converse as if you never knew each other.
Finally, conversations stop.
You both start looking for your fantasies again.
Do you now know why it ended like that?
You never loved her, you loved someone else who looked like her..it was all in your head.
She never loved you, she loved how interesting you were to her.
You couldn't accept her reality.
She couldn't accept yours.
It hurts to know that it was going down the moment you made a move outside your head.
You were both victims of fantasy.
You were both guilty for selfishness.
Love her in your head if you can't accept that she might be different in reality.
Because if you can't accept, you don't love for real.
You have to understand that the happiness she brings to your thoughts is also from your head, she isn't supposed to continuously follow you with the "joy wagon".
Both of you should understand each other before making each other happy...because that's just a sedative to ignore the truth that you guys don't know each other.
Invest in having a healthy relationship, not a "happiness farm".
Ta Da.