She is younger than me. Two years younger to be exact. She was always my playmate, my buddy, my confidante when I had none. She is my exact opposite but we still match each other. We fight, a lot. People would say that we are "kape at gatas" (that's Milk and Coffee in english).
We grew up having the same pairs of shoes, the same dress, the same toys, the same school stuff. We were treated like we were twins. I may not enjoy having to share the same stuff with her, but I enjoy having her with me as my first best friend.
We are actually five sisters. I'm the fourth and she is the fifth. My older sisters are somewhat more responsible and more mature even when we were kids growing up together. That's also the reason why I ended up having my youngest sister as my best friend.
We grew up in a household were there is a close family relationship. And when I say close family relationship I mean aunts and uncles are closer like having to share the same problems. Because of this, my sisters and I created a protective shield among us to separate our own issues within ourselves. But as we grow up, having to experience being a teenager, we distance ourselves and each of us made our own private barrier. I have my own problems to deal with, they have theirs. With that, my youngest sister and I grew even farther apart.
There isn't a time where we would not bicker and make big deals about everything. Just the thought of washing the dishes and having to be the evening leader for the prayer or even just cleaning up the table, we would argue who would do such chores. From this little dilemmas, we failed to share a deeper connection, that same space we had when we were younger.
I am a person who holds my beliefs and principles dearly. Our father taught us bits of knowledge about life and growing up as adults; that we should never forget our family, for it is our own salvation when no one truly believes you; that when all else fail, you have someone to run to. But for me, it's not always the case.
You see, I may have agreed to the things my father taught us, but I grew to have my own principles in life. I am always wishing for my own freedom. To be free from the cage that my family built to keep us safe and protected. I want to explore the world with my own eyes. I want to experience the hardships, the pain, the agony, because I know that when I do, I get to experience real happiness. I want to be set free from the tither that holds me up from flying high.
My sister, however, wants what I also want but does not have the courage to try and break free. She is a bit of a child, you see. I tell her constantly to be more mature, to grow up, to stand up for herself, to face those challenges that awaits her. I want her to know what she wants in life. I want her to set her wings and fly and not be afraid. But, she is. Sadly, she is.
Recently, she and I had fought. I was irritated at her at that time. She handled a situation wherein our Papa tells her what to do and she obliged without trying to voice out her opinion. I am not telling her to disobey our Pa, I am only telling her to have her own choice. To not agree to anything without thinking of the consequences, and at that time, I will also be affected by the consequence, not just her.
So I told her. I told her the truth I had kept from so many people. That somehow, I became frustrated at the thought that nobody seem to realize they can also hurt me without realizing it. I became the excess cargo. I just want someone to also think that there are people like me who is "accidentally" being affected by something that we aren't supposed to be apart of. And I want her to see me and hear me and listen to me. I want her not to be like other people who only dismisses me in a flick of a hand. I want her to listen to me and not just hear me, because hearing and listening are two different things. I want her to be my sister and tell me in all honesty what she thinks of me.
Yes, I want to outgrow our family. I want to be independent from them. I want to be my own individual with nothing to hold me back. But sometimes, I also want people to see that even though I have these wants, I also have some needs. The need to have someone to respect me. The need to have someone view me as their equal, not someone who is higher or lower than them. I just want my sister to be my sister, not another person who sees me like I'm different.
A sister is a person some people wants. It is a person some people does not like or does not agree with. But more importantly, a sister is a person who will always be there to have your back. To always remind you of who you were, who you have been, and who you will become...