Sleeper

It’s been several hours since I’ve fallen asleep. Or has it? Maybe it was minutes, or maybe it's already morning. 

I had a dream. 

I don’t remember what it was... 

But someone was in it... 

And a thing happened... 

I don’t know...

 It doesn’t matter anymore. I feel cold now. Morning must be drawing near. I knew I should’ve worn socks last night. How long have I been awake with my eyes closed? My arm feels numb. It feels like pins crawling up and down my thin skin. I should just try to go to sleep. I’ll open my eyes, close them, and go back to sleep.

1,2,3

I can’t open them -- I can’t breathe!

 A giant holds my lungs by its fingertips, squeezing the breath out of me like lemon juice fresh out of the rind. My eyes are old wooden doors stiffened by time. My arms have been touched by white and ice flows down to my hands. My fingers are the only things with life still in them. My mind tries to pull them awake, but they’re to weak to rouse me. I panic. My mind tries to run out of my head pushing through my shuttered mouth. Is this death?

1,2,3

Ok, ok… breathe. 

Slow down.

Ok… my body quit spasming. Focus. Focus. 

In… out… in… out…

 You know what this is. Calm down. Your mind just woke up a few milliseconds before your body. This is only a few seconds. Not forever. Just the way you did every night for a whole month a few months ago, and pretty much your whole life. Remember? You can handle this. There is no demon out to get you, no octopus pirate in a dream this time. Blue elephants won't dance by your bedside now. Not again.Your mind woke up too early. It’s ok. This is not death, this is not forever. 

Breathe. 

In… out… in… out…

1,2,3

I’m starting to feel like one of the living again. Ice is replaced by warm sticky honey. I am lethargic, but alive. Wooden toes and fingers feel like flesh again. Air is rushing into my airways. I try to calm my beating heart by saying its all over. For now. The next is another battle to be won. Sleep claims me.