stay a little longer

It was the second time that my heart skipped a beat. I was caught staring at him.I never expected myself to fall in love again. And again with the same person.Time runs out so fast when he is nearby.In brief,time is the biggest villain to our love or so called my feeling.

I always felt that no one can stop me from loving him and loving myself.I always tried to talk to him.But i never had enough courage to do that.I used to top the class every time.Might that be the reason that none proposed me or they would not have known that even a topper has a heart which possess feelings.

As someone stated 'a name gets its beauty when called by special one.' And so did mine.it was the first time i spoke to him.

"Akanksha,will you just help me with the concept?" he called.

"for sure." I took the book, solved the problems and gave him.

"Thank you.Wish you could be our teacher. I never understand Murthy sir's lesson.Where as now i am pretty sure about this concept" he winked,and added "friends?".

I nodded my head but wished we could be something more than that.

Day by day we grew close.we used to visit each others house and even Rashi accompanied me. she is one of my closest mates.

As our semester exams were approaching, myself,Arjun and Rashi decided to do a combined study. Though we never actually study. 

we met in Arjun's house.we sincerely read for some time. It was already 8:00 pm by then.When i looked at Arjun , he was staring at Rashi. I tried to ignore that and started reading again. But i could not. I again looked at him and he was staring again.
"Arjun, how far did you complete?"i asked.But he dint respond.

"Arjun! am talking to you." I shouted.He then looked at me.

"nothing."He replied.
"Arjun you said u wanted to tell me something? whats that?" Rashi asked him.

"i think i love you Rashi. I just cant divert my thoughts about you."Arjun said keeping his book aside.
Now i could no more tolerate this. I had this feeling towards him. And he is loving some one else.I could not take it anymore.So i stood up.
"now what the hell is this?" i asked .

"Akanksha please listen."Arjun pleaded.

"Arjun, you know what?you were the first person i am talking to.You asked me to clarify your doubts.I did. I came to your house.I trusted you." i said with tears. I knew i overreacted.But, i could do no less than that because i was selfish for him. About him.

"Akanksha! look,you are my friend and that does not mean that you have to create this nonsense.I came to you asking doubts and to explain the concept.I never let you take decisions and make conclusions of your own about my life.And whats wrong in loving a girl? Now get the hell out of my life and stop instructing me.Just dont tell me about do's and dont's."He said and turned away. I dont know what to reply him. I had  this huge gush of tears rolling from my eyes. I never took this much pain into me. Never.

"And that's what a friend means to you.Thank you." I said and ran from there.I had many thoughts running inside me. Was it this person whom i had been wishing for?do I have feelings for the same Arjun?was it the same Arjun with whom i had been spending time?NO! i ran fast to my house.I could not face my mom.I fell onto my bed.I could not let the thought he did this to me.I hate him now.. i hate him.
I woke up the next morning.I went to college.Exams neared by.I worked hard.I did well.I diverted myself from the thoughts of him. I did my best in the exams.

Days passed and results were out. This time the topper was ARJUN!!!! hell no!! how could this be possible? I could not believe.I was second.Everyone started congratulating him.I took all my belongings and went to my house. I told my mom. She never reacted and she is the same even now.She said that i did my best and no need to worry. What was i crying for?just because Arjun topped this time?no. This time i could not bear the thought he defeated me.I cried and cried till my tears left me.I fell sick.I had to take this bed rest for 5 days.My friends came to my house to see me. And so did Arjun.

"how are you feeling now?"he asked and placed his hand on mine.
i looked away and pulled my hand.

"Am sorry i didnot mean to do that on that day but.."he paused.
I closed my eyes so hard trying not to look at him.He then left the place.
After i recovered,i went to the college.

"Hii am Ryaan" came a male voice.
i did not reply as i did not want to talk to any one. 

"Hi Akanksha! i just dont get this sum.will you help?" said the guy.
i raised my head to see.he was new . i never saw him before.

"I wont.Am sorry"i replied. 

"but why?" he asked. 

"Am not the topper now." i looked again into mu notebook.

"That does not mean you cant clarify."he said.
I looked into his eyes.I dont know what made me do that but i worked out the sum.
we soon became good friends and i told him about Arjun .I used to get the doubts and he clarified them.we helped each other.
one day Arjun came towards me.
"Akanksha will you teach me?"he asked me pointing the book.
I stood up to move. But Ryaan caught my hand and pulled me to sit down.

"what?" i asked Ryaan.

"i dont want to be here.I hope you know why." i said giving a a serious look.

"But you also know what i told you?" he raised his eyebrow.

"yeah but.." i was saying while he interrupted.

"no but's come on." he said.
 i completed explaining when Arjun spoke.
"Am sorry Akanksha."he apologized.
I smiled.I felt proud.I could feel the sense of victory.I thanked Ryaan.
"Any time dear.You are my best friend. Anything for you." He smiled

i could see Arjun looking at me and Ryaan. The way we used to move almost broke his heart.I felt pity but I was least bothered.
The next day it was Ryaan's birthday party.he invited me. I told my mom that it was my bestfriend's birthday party and i would be coming late .she was ok with that.
i went to Ryaan's house.He cut the cake.After the party got over every one left.I went to his balcony. Ryaan came towards me.
"Akanksha i would like to tell you something."he said.

"yeah, tell me."i said.

"i love you" he said.

"i love to be your bestie."i replied and looked away.

"Its not that.I think you might have understood that." He looked into my eyes.

"Ryaan..you were the one who supported me during my worst situation.You know how much i love Arjun and how much i care about him.Though i dont like him, my heart still wants him."i said.

he caught my hands pulled me towards him.
"Am sorry.But i want you.I love you".he whispered in my ears.

"Please leave me."i begged.

But before i could move away he forced me to kiss him.He kissed me on my cheek.He caught my waist.I tried to push him away. But i failed.

"what are you doing Ryaan?are you mad?"i slapped him hard.

"yeah am mad for you and about you.Just kiss me and i will leave you" he said.
"shut up and leave me" i shouted and pushed him.
He ran to the door and locked it.
"i want to kiss you please baby "he said as he placed his lips on mine.
I never had such feelings towards Ryaan. But now i could do nothing. So i kissed him and immediately pushed him on to the floor.I unlocked the door and started running.
"Akanksha stop." he shouted.
I started running as fast as i can.Many thoughts kept pricking me inside.What is my life? Is this my life?Whom should i trust?What is friendship?What does the word friend mean?
all of a sudden he caught my hand.He started pulling me towards his house.

" Ryaan,you are my friend.Please dont do this to me.I have lots to achieve.Please let me go" i begged. 
I was badly bleeding on one side.I cried.I cried a lot.He almost dragged me to his house.
All of a sudden, a hand was placed on Ryaan.
"leave her."said the bold voice.
"who are you to say that?"Ryaan asked.
i looked up and it was ARJUN!!!
"Arjun?" Ryaan asked.
"now leave her or you are dead"Arjun shouted.
"what will you do ? you son of a ..." before he could say something, Arjun punched so hard.He twisted Ryaan's hands and punched him hard in his stomach. Ryaan fell down. He got up and punched Arjun hard. Arjun was badly bleeding.His lips looked as if he applied lipstick. Arjun punched even more harder this time and warned.
"if you ever come near her,am sure you are dead.She's mine forever."Arjun said pointing the finger to him.

I felt so proud at the same time i was shocked.
Arjun took my hands into his and started walking.As it was cold outside he offered me his shirt , the same way hero's do for their heroine.I was feeling low.

"Akanksha what happened?"Arjun asked. 
I burst into tears.I could not bare the thought that i trusted the wrong friend. He tried a lot to console me. At last he hugged me so tight that i forgot the incidents that took place.I did not resist his hug because i was badly in need of it.His hug.His love.

"Now tell me what happened?" he asked again.
I narrated everything. and added "i wanna die".
"Are you mad?what are you talking?I thought you were a brave girl.I am sure there's nothing wrong you did.Stop talking like that." he warned.

"how did you know i was here?" i asked.

"I actually called your mom.I asked about you and she said you went to attend a birthday party.When i came to Ryaan's house everyone left i thought even you did.But when i asked your mom again she said you did not come yet and while i was on way back to Ryaan's house,i felt something went wrong and the rest you know."He smiled and added"ouch my lip hurts".

I could see blood flowing from his upper lip,i know he has this pain but i dont want him to suffer that.So i tasted his blood.i know it pains but i wanna stop his blood.I could feel the love and its pain .He held my waist so tight i could feel it and i loved the feel.I want him more and more.I played with his tongue . I kissed his upper lip and then his lower lip.All of a sudden i withdrew my lips.

"i love you Akanksha" he said.
I could not find my words. I have mixed feelings towards him. I looked into his eyes. They told me how much they have missed me till now.

" Actually you were my crush Arjun" i said.
" I know that baby but you are not my crush,you are my love." He  caught my waist and pulled me towards him.
"how do you know?" i asked perplexed.

"I read your diary sweet heart."he said and kissed on my forehead.
"Mine?but how??" i asked even more confused.
"ok. I will tell you.but what are you gonna give me in return?" he asked.
"anything you wish for." i replied.

"that day when you were suffering ,i came to your house. You did not look at me. I was thinking about you and i felt low.I sat alone in the balcony and started recalling everything .When i was about to move,i found a book named 'AA' written on it.i took it, went to my house, i read the whole thing where you described about every move of mine, and that's why you hated the feeling of mine towards Rashi. I caught you many times staring at me.but i never thought that you had feelings for me.I tried to talk about that with you. But you used to move away. That killed me many times darling. " he said and winked.

"am sorry" i apologized.

"so?wheres the deal?" he asked.

"ok. what do you want?" i asked.

"i just want you to stay with me forever." he gave a peck on my cheek.

"Yeah sure. Am all yours.And baby, i will never let you leave me" i said and waved goodbye. 

I made sure my parents do not get to know about this. I doze off to sleep.
The next day i went to my college.I could see Ryaan staring at me. I looked away. I did not want to think about the previous day.i was happy with the present. Let it be my worst nightmare.

But Ryaan approached me"Akanksha..am sorry i know i behaved bad.But i dont know why i did that to you.  But am sorry" he said

I did not move away. Because he was the one who taught me not to.
"Ryaan i thought you were my friend.When i lost trust on almost everyone you were the one who lightened up my trust.I forgot about that.Never try to remember me again.Am going on with my life." i smiled.

"Am sorry Akanksha" he said and tears were on their way.
I looked at Arjun. He just nodded his head and said

"its ok. Dont get emotional. As you have a heart to hurt so she has a heart to forgive.Just dont remind her about this anymore." Ryaan moved away.
" Am proud of my girl" said Arjun.
I noticed Arjun staring at me.I took out a paper from my book
'oh! sir, just stop staring at me and focus.' i wrote and passed it to him.
He immediately stopped staring and me went serious.

As the classes got over,We started moving.He did not look at me once.
"Arjun" i called.
But he dint turn.
I went near him.He moved backwards.I placed my hands against the wall,next to him.
"whats the matter my darling?"i whispered
"nothing" he replied.
"My darling,tell me why are you not looking into my eyes?" i asked.
"Its you who asked me not you.what do you want me to do?to look or not to?" he asked still looking away.
"oh baby! is all this about that? my dear baby, i want you to keep staring at me even more and more."I said and went near his lips. I can feel his breathe on mine.I went even more forward, our lips touched.
"excuse me?" a voice interrupted.

To which i pulled myself back all of a sudden.I felt shy. Ryaan took his bag .Before leaving the class he stopped for a second, turned back and said 
"you can continue"he smiled and left.

The second he left, Arjun caught my waist and pushed me towards the wall.
"now tell me baby" he said.

"what? weren't you hurt?"i asked surprised.

He laughed and said " no baby.I just did so just to feel your romantic part."he winked,bit my lower lip and whispered "i love you jaan ".

Days passed . We got busy with our studies,love and the new life.

As the next day was my birthday i gave party to all of my friends. We sang songs,danced, had dinner and by the time everyone left it was 11:00 pm.

I and Arjun went onto the terrace.there was this cold breeze .Perfect for any couple. Arjun started speaking "jaan, you know what? at first, the second i saw you i was in love with you.But you were a topper.I had to drag the attention towards me.Though i was perfect about those concepts, i used to ask you just because it was one of way to talk to you.and about Rashi? i never had feelings towards her.I did all that to know what you actually felt about me.But you never opened then. But today,my heart needs you.You are the oxygen to my life.I will never say that i could never live without you.I can. But living without you is meaningless.All i ever need is your love. If i were called as 'I' and you were called as you 'YOU' and if we name our child as 'LOVE'  we all can make a family ' I LOVE YOU ' shall we baby?"

This was my dream proposal.I dont know if it is the best proposal or not. But it made me know how much he loved me.
"yeah we should."I said and hugged him like never before.
He stayed for 10 more minutes and left. Within 30 minutes of his absence i got a call saying that Arjun met with accident.This is the hardest part of all.I never felt this pain even when he cared less for me.All I could breathe is with the name Arjun. I ran to the hospital.He was bleeding badly. I went towards him.

"i will never let you leave me.Stay a little longer with me.You promised. Dont break it."i whispered. 

I prayed a lot.But doctors were like his condition is serious. Every second passed made me cry more and more.I cursed myself for asking him to attend the party.Now if god asks me to choose between his life and my love am ready to sacrifice my love.Love is not something that comes and goes when we want it to.It is just the understanding and care between the people.It is not a feel, it is more like heaven.
After an hour,doctors spoke out.
"we saved him but.." doctor paused.

After every successful story there will be buts and wont's.

"but what?" i asked.
"There are chances he might loose his memory."doctor said and left.
I consoled myself not to breakdown anymore.Its ok. God heard me.He wanted me to sacrifice my love.There's nothing that i would not do for him.Now that i have him,i will move away from his life.But am not ready for the moment to be dark without him.But i have to.Will never let go his memories.One last time i wanted to see him.
I went inside the room.I kept my fingers crossed.
"Hi Arjun" i said clearing my throat.
He looked surprised. He looked as if I was some stranger.
"you are.." he could not recognize.

"Am sorry.I stepped into a wrong room."i said with a fake smile.

"how do you know my name?"he asked.

"i was searching for a person named Arjun. My friend." I said.Tears were on their way.

"what a coincidence of names?" he asked.

"yeah! Ok bye.Take care.Just  be careful" i said and turned away facing the door.
Thousands of thoughts kept pricking me.Should i tell him who i am and what i am to him?or should i stay away from him?Should i stop loving him?i dreamt my whole life with him.What should i do now?to love or to leave?
"I love you Arjun..i love you so much"i murmured. I placed my hand on the handle of the door. 
I was about to pull it.
"me too..my love" said a voice from behind.
Love is not something to let go, it is to be hold on forever.