"Angels are meant to be love, not fuck"
He proposed me for marriage today. I wanted to say yes, but couldn't. I love this guy from the bottom of my heart but instead of say I do, I asked for some time to think. He was confused, after all we are in a relationship for past 3 years. He must be. But I have my reasons. Reasons to be with someone who can love me and can make love to me.
Yeah it's been 3 years and we never made love. We were so in love, we still are but that love never came out physically. The point is not why he haven't do anything yet, the point of will he able to satisfy me ever. I need him, I want him; completely. Every time we started doing anything, he stopped in the middle. We laid down together, naked, on a same bed, on the top of each other, feeling each other's every part of body, breathing on each other's nape, holding each other in arms so tight that we will never let go that hold. But still never made love. I don't know why he always stop. It's not like I never discussed this with him, it's not like I have lust on him. But the fact that I didn't get him completely yet. The fact that we are not became one yet. The last time he was on the top of me, naked, kissing me everywhere to arouse me, I wanted him to give me the best night of my life. I wanted to feel him inside me. I wanted to be his, and make him mine for ever. I wanted him to wake me up for the whole night, converse through our bodies, be the one soul altogether. But again he stopped, I insisted but he couldn't do. He just couldn't. He said, "You're an angel for me and angels are meant to be love not fuck"
Eventually I gave up, not because I got tired of this but because I really love him. And I know that he loves me too. I couldn't oppose, how can I? I'm in love. I'm madly and passionately in love with him but I want to make love to him the same way. But now I'm wondering what if he will never make love to me? What if he will never satisfy me? How will our relationship survive? What about my physical needs and of course what about his? What if we'll never have our own kids? What if?