The Art of Letting Go the One You Love

The first step to letting go, as silly as it may sound, is actually holding on. So when the inevitable time looms, and the one we love asked to be freed; or when love was no longer the same, hold on to the one you love: tighter, stronger. Clutch at it, grasp it, desperately. The one you love may heed and stay put for a while, but they will continue to struggle, to beg to be freed from your grasp.

And you hurt each time they ask if they can go.

It hurts when you see them no longer happy, when your I Love Yous are returned like a default reply. You see the growing distance, you feel the intensifying coldness. And that’s when you understand you must let go. That is the second step, understanding and accepting why we should set them free. After all, letting go is not synonymous to giving up because it is hopeless. Letting go of the one we love is synonymous instead to selflessness, that giving away a piece of our happiness, for the happiness of the one we love.

Once we’ve accepted this fact, we proceed to the third step. Slowly, one by one we release our fingers. We hold the one we love for the last time softly, gingerly, afraid touching them would make us revert back to step one. Steady your heart and do not avert your gaze, memorize their face that you have memorized a million times already, every freckle and mole, every inch of their skin, take it all in for this can be the last time you could call them yours. Say goodbye and watch them go, watch them walk away, watch them take flight while you stay.

Once they’re gone all we’re left with are their ghosts, their memories. Remember the first day you met, the spark, the passion. Remember how with every kiss you exchanged breaths, until your breaths are one. Remember how with every tender words exchanged, fragments of your souls were given and taken, entrusted to each other. This is the fourth step to letting go, desensitization. Remember every scene until it no longer sends you reeling and crying. Revisit every fond memory until no more hurt is triggered.

After letting go of the person we love, we have lots to think about. Why did they want to be freed in the first place? What led to this road of breaking up? We try to make sense of things, we try to search what went wrong. Perhaps we’ve hurt them too many times and they’ve grown tired of broken promises and lies. Perhaps they’ve found someone else, someone they love more, someone they’re more passionate about. Either way whatever the reason is, accept that by letting the person we love go, we are saving them from getting hurt by our monsters we can’t get rid of, and vice versa. This is the fifth step to letting go, and you’ll find that in this step, we already find peace with our decision.

Then perhaps one day, you’d cross paths again. You would see them out the street. You would hear their voice or their laughter amidst all the noise and sound. Or perhaps you catch them online, you greet them, send out a hi. In that snippet of conversation, gauge your heart. There was no sadness, you were fine, you tell yourself this is the person you once loved. Perhaps you work at being friends now, or just cutting ties altogether. Either way it is fine, you find no more bitterness, no more pain in your heart.

And that’s when you know you’ve mastered the art of letting go.