The day I spoke with Death

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There are those times when you can see color in absolute darkness, where the distortion of senses make sense and when reality is now.

So, I met 'Death' some time back. No, I did not almost die to see the light just before coming back to life. Neither did I see Grim the reaper. It's a futile attempt to put it in words, yet at the time it made sense. It could have been the lights, or the herb-infused air; or perhaps It was the funny molecule stimulating my visual cortex; I'm gonna go with the later. He just did his thing and it all looked peaceful. After a while I spoke, and man, that was stupid. The very first thing I asked 'Death' was "what is it that requires you to exist?". On second thoughts, I should have started with a greeting. Maybe he was as confused as I. He looks at me and goes, "Bro, you trippin balls, I ain't real". Well sure I was having a hard time telling reality apart, but that was rude. I was half expecting a deep and mature voice revealing the mysteries of the universe. But 'Death' was no Morgan Freeman.

Light bled through tiny pores in the sky,
guiding a wanderer searching for dreams.
Again his maker makes him believe,
Again he wanders into the deep.

Wandering off our hotel room with water bottles and a blanket as a make-shift mosquito net, we headed for the beach. We wished for some calm and quiet, and quiet it was. A little too much for my liking. The air stood still when the sea rolled over and the insects clicked. The deserted beach hosted the two of us only for a brief time as the people inside were drifting onto lands far beyond. They did, however, make their way back to the beach and when they did, they discussed religion, humans as a species, they passed the water bottle and tried to figure where exactly is the shoreline. I could see lights dancing on one side of the beach and humongous otherworldly creatures to the other. This was when I met him.

This time I asked a simpler question, "What is death?" And as is with all personified characters, he never answered straight. Maybe the drama was an integral part of storytelling.

"What do you mean when you say death?" he asked. "Death is when I'm not alive. When my body stops functioning." I replied. " 'my body' you say"...... "Interesting" ..... ". Imagine you had an accident that leads you to transplant more than half your body; It will be possible I assure you that; would you say you're a different person? If not, at what point would you?" Putting it like this was a first for me; no matter what I change, I'll still be me. Then what is it that makes me 'ME"? It had to be the brain. "It's got all my memories, my personality and my very identity".

"Right," he said. It was almost like I wasn't the first. Many came before and spoke the same stupid. He took me on a trip. And boy what a trip it was.

BANG!! I felt a pull through my body and suddenly the black of night was dripping down like thick oil paint off a brush. The shore fell quiet and my vision started spinning.......spinning.......spinning. It stops as quickly as it started.

The mad scientist

You open your eyes to a blur of white while you hear voices reverb off the walls. Are you dead? could be. You were talking to death after all. Are you in the afterlife? Is this what it feels like to die? Questions, they seem to never end when reality comes to focus. You're in a room tiled white. You know you can't move the way you're strapped on to the bed. You look around to find a person sitting in the far corner of the room. You call out to him instinctively and while he gets up and walks towards you, you instantly realize your mistake. You can make out blood stains on his apron and every 'Saw movie' you had ever seen flashes by. "You say the brain is what makes you 'YOU'? ..... Really?". You're shocked and not for the fact that shit just got real but because this was not what you expected. He was a She. "You fucking sexist," you think to yourself. "I get that a lot", she continues followed by a very disturbing high pitch giggle. She turns around to pull a chair beside you while you look across to assess the situation. You see multiple monitors to your right that are unmistakably futuristic. There are cables running down the system and up onto your skull. The sound of struggle on the other side catches your eye to someone trying to cut loose from his bed. A shiver runs down your spine when you hear her voice. A whisper, "I like you, so I'll let you choose ...... I've always loved screams you see. They are fascinating. Have you ever wondered why you scream when in pain? What purpose does it solve? ...... You see, screaming started out as an evolutionary trait to intimidate predators when in pain. It also acted as an alarm to alert the rest of the pack. It is only funny how we still use it even when there is no hope". She giggles and completes placing a couple of more wires onto your head. You start looking around to find anything to help you out. The instant you look down you sense something weird. It takes you a couple of seconds for the horror to set in. You are not in your body. You almost instinctively turn to your left to see your body struggling to cut loose. "Oh yes. I'm sorry it slipped my mind. I've done a complete brain transplant and your brains now have a new body. So, what you see there is someone else in your body; just like you are in his. Fascinating, isn't it?"........."You see, I could have done it the easy way. It's a very simple procedure to accurately scan a person's memories and thoughts and replicate it onto another brain. But what fun would that be eh?"..."Now, let's begin, shall we? You're gonna love this". "I've recently taken interest in painting", she pulls a couple of sheets from under a tray from a nearby table. "What do you think? good isn't it? My doc. says it's to calm my mind ..... But I'm falling short of red. So obviously, I'm going to get it from one of you. Who do you think would enjoy the torture? ". You don't think twice before you shout "No!! Please. Him". "That's very thoughtful." She appears to be enjoying it. "What If I told you that I'm going to wipe away both your brains before I do it, a sort of format if you may. Would that change your decision?" You panic and say "No, torture him. I don't care if I can't remember, I don't want to feel pain". "Alright," She says. "Just one other thing. After we have our little fun, I'll switch back your memories, personality and thoughts back to your original body. Which means that If you choose him" she points to the person in your body to your left, "by the time I'm done, you'll be back in your own body that took the torturing."........."What do you say about that?". Suddenly you are not sure about you being a collection of only your memories. "Could I only be my memories and personality? What happens when I lose all my memories? Do I cease to be me? " you suddenly hear a drill come to life. Fear at its most raw form washes over you. She walks past your bed and you can make out a smile cut across her face. "Now" she calls out to someone behind the monitors. Everything turns black as reality drips down from sight.

I found myself back at the beach with my friend. "Bro," ..... "the water". He passed the bottle but he was only a ghost. He was someplace far far away. I gulped a mouthful and laid back, staring at the stars. Still trying to make sense, "What am I if I'm not my memories and thoughts" A drop fell on my cheek. The stars turned blur and I realized there was nothing on my cheek. A familiar pull from within and the echoing of silence; I left the beach once again.

Beam me up

You wake up at a familiar place. The bed is comfortable; you see your partner next to you. You strain your eyes as the shade on the window automatically gives way to sunlight as you hear your AI assistant wishing you a very good morning. "It's 30th of April 2037. The weather is nice and hot at 42 degree Celsius. You have to start your new project at the L.A office today". You pick up your phone from under the pillow and quickly send out a message when you see your partner staring at you. "Don't look at me like that, you'll have to wait." You get off your bed, freshen up and pour some food into a bowl before you call out to him. "Frank, come get your food." You get ready and set off to work. You live in Mumbai and must get to L.A, what do you do? Well, you teleport of course. In fact, teleportation is the main mode of transport for anything more than a couple of blocks. You finally pull into an automatic parking lane and get off of your bike. The yellow vending machine to the right hands you a receipt as you watch your bike getting sucked into the depths of the parking lot. "Hi, I have a departure scheduled for today" you tell the person sitting at the departure counter while you wave your phone over the counter. "Right, you could use chamber 12-d sir" the person hands you a card and you walk over to 12-d. The Chamber opens up its glass doors as you walk in and take your seat on a plush leather couch. All you have to do is drink from a vial kept within the armrest, hit the button next to it, pull on your eye shade and relax. You remove the shade, walk out through the door and off to your place of work. The teleportation chamber works in two simultaneous steps. There is one system that scans every atom present in your body and beams the information to your destination where this information is used to integrate atoms. Another system disintegrates every atom within your body and all this happens instantaneously. Back home your partner Frank waits for you all day when you return just in time to take him out on his daily walk. "Eeva, wake me up an hour earlier tomorrow" you call out before hitting the bed. She wakes you up as asked for and you are excited. It's a big day ahead. Should things go well you'll close a great deal today. You do away with the usual routine waving Frank goodbye and off you go to the departure terminal. You sit down, hit the button and climb out of the chamber. As you walk out, you find something weird. You realize you are still in Mumbai. It appears that the chamber malfunctioned and you did not get through. So now you go to the front desk and report the situation. The sweet elderly lady asks you to take a seat while she figures out what really happened. She calls in her reporting manager who is also a sweet but younger lady. You explain the situation in a hurry as you lose your patience. "I have an important meeting today and I cannot be late" you finish. She asks you to calm down and heads to the system used at the front desk. "Why today?" you think to yourself. The manager pulls out the CCTV footage to understand what went wrong. She comes back to you with a smile on her face, "It looks like you won't be late today sir. You are on your way to your office". "Ok. So can you beam me up now" you ask. "No, no sir, you don't understand". She pulls the monitor up and shows you the CCTV footage. "Sir, here you are exiting our L.A arrival chamber. You should be reaching your office as we speak. I should guess that our vaporizer malfunctioned while the scanner did its job just right". The shock renders you static. "How can that be me? I'm here. This is me. But I've been teleporting for quite some time now. So, this is not even the real me. What the fuck???". The manager continues, "Not to worry sir. We can fix this right away. We only have to vaporize you. This way sir". You panic, "You can't vaporize me. That is insane". She asks you not to panic. "It is perfectly normal. You are alive in L.A. It is the same procedure you undergo every day. Nothing changes". But you are at a loss of words. "No, I don't want to die," you shout but you see a couple of men approach the scene. "I'm sorry sir but we are forbidden to create copies, I'm sorry but I must insist". You see her expression change just a tiny bit when the men grab you and start pulling you towards the nearest chamber. You resist with all your might and try to call for help but can't find your voice. As a matter of fact, everything seems awfully quiet. you look down at your feet and see them rub off the ground like crayon on paper.

I opened my eyes back to the stars performing a great gig in the sky. It was the most peaceful I felt in like forever. I knew I won't see death again. It was the first thing he told me. He wasn't real. Death was not the end of me but only the end of a physical shell. I am not my body or my brain. If I was, I could be cloned and then which I would be 'I'? It only makes sense that there is much more at play here. Something I don't understand and maybe never will. Fear of death now only seems juvenile.

We decided to take a walk along the shore. My friend told me about his adventures to distant lands and amazing as it was, I was trying to come to terms with a concept that was now so obvious.

To acknowledge cessation
one must understand the nature of existence.