The God That Hates Its Own Creation

Waking up feeling my body vibrating, I realized I slept again on my table while working on some homework. Checking the time, it was around 5:00 am.

After doing some light stretching, I hit some cans and bottles on my floor on the way to my bathroom. Once I got there, I removed my glasses to lightly washed my face, then combed my hair fully, before putting on a jacket and going outside and down to the vending café to buy eat some breakfast. It was slightly gloomy and foggy outside, so the jacket was perfect. When I got in, some of the machines were being restocked, including my favorite one, so I just bought coffee and waited for them to finish before making an order.

I always use my overly sized jacket to wipe off my tears after yawning, or simply cover my mouth. Nobody in my class or work have seen me like this, even during past field trips. And if they did I’ll probably be extremely embarrassed. Only my family and my best friend Fina have seen me like this when she slept over. This is also the only dress that makes me feel like me.

I got a warm rice meal from one of the vending machines, and some fresh fruit from another. It was a self-maintenance café too, other than the manager occasionally checking in on everything. I might even be able to put up a small bookshop inside if I want to, or I’m allowed to. Or probably just put books in the vending machines as well and wait for sales. Who knows what’s possible, it’s business.

I went back up to my room afterwards to take a bath since I still had classes that day. I didn’t bother washing myself too much since I don’t see it necessary. And even though I can personally afford it, I don’t really like to use contact lenses. I like to use glasses to just keep my individuality. In this world that I live in, sometimes, I really just don’t want to be noticed at all.

I prepared my bag and wore a different jacket before going to university. It was about 7:00 am when I went out, and university is about walking distance, but I didn’t really care.

I got to my room, put down my bag by my desk, got out my laptop, and started to work on the draft I’m supposed to pass by the end of the month until the professor got in to start the lecture.

After class, I stayed in the library to continue my work. While working on the draft, two students came to me, holding books. I thought I was already in a pretty private area too, so I guess they were really persistent in finding me.

“U-um, are you miss Alice? Alice Flynn?” I took a deep breath, then smiled at them.

They quickly covered their mouths. I can hear their muffled screams out of excitement.

“P-please sign our books!”

“Sure!” I got a pen from my pocket and got the books. It was my newest release, too, so I guess it was really popular like the agency said.

After signing, I told them to not tell anyone where I am, just so the others feel genuine happiness meeting me. They promised they won’t before they left. But if I’ll be honest, it’s not just the happiness, but I also just want some silence. I was at the library, after all.

By lunch time, I stopped working and went to the cafeteria to eat lunch, before finally deciding to go home.

The skies were cloudy, like it’s almost about to rain, so I had my umbrella prepared to just be pulled out of my bag anytime. Luckily though, it didn’t rain until I got inside my apartment. The sound of the rain kind of soothes me.

After dropping off my bag on my mess of a bed, even though I haven’t slept on it yesterday, I took out a small trash bag out of my cabinet and started to clean my room. It was mostly cans and bottles from all my drinking though, so I didn’t have the need to put effort in segregation. But I do need to put more effort into my problem.

I took a change of clothes then just started working again on my draft so I could finish it by the weekend then work on something else. I didn’t play music like I usually do, I just listened to the rain fall. When 7 pm came, I put my laptop to sleep, got my jacket, then got down again to the vending machine café to eat dinner. It was also my only rest, so I took some time eating while scrolling through social media.

The rain got a little bit stronger when I got back up to my room. It was probably the most peaceful night that I have worked, with no other noise than the rain and the clatter of my keyboard. I finished the draft a few minutes past midnight, which then I immediately emailed to my editor for proofreading. I then turned off my laptop, fixed my bed a little bit, then went to sleep.

It wasn’t raining anymore the next day, but it was still very cold when I woke up. The weather looked like it will be raining again, so I just kept awareness all the time.

The classes ended by 3 pm, and by 4 pm I met with my editor in a café just outside the university. I had coffee and cake while my editor just ordered some coffee.

“How is it?” I asked.

“Good, as usual.”

“Good.” I took a sip and ate a bit. “Anything else?”

“Not much, really. But you do have a supposed schedule for book signing next week Wednesday.”

“Same place?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He handed me an envelope with my printed manuscript.

“I’ll still bring this up to the boss so I guess I’ll talk to you again when there’s a need to create the cover.”

“Sure, whatever.” He let out a big sigh.

“Alice, you’re a good writer. I admire your works and I feel honored being the first one to read it. So please, don’t just randomly quit writing. I know, it doesn’t hurt the company, but doesn’t it hurt you?”

“No, it doesn’t. I don’t mind, I don’t care. If I don’t like it, no matter how good it is, I won’t have it published. But if you have the manuscripts, keep it, it’s yours to read or share. If it’s published, I’m suing the company.” He just let out another sigh, then left the café. I just put the manuscript in my bag, then left after a few minutes.

I got home, I took the manuscript out of the envelope, checked it a bit, then stored it in the metal filing cabinet I bought from the agency along with the other manuscripts I had.

Since I had just finished writing, and I’m just waiting for work to come, I took the day off. I fixed my bed, then just lied down.

When it was time for my dinner, I first went to the convenience store a few minutes away to buy some alcohol and snacks, then went back to the vending machine café to eat dinner while drinking.

After eating, I got back up to my room and turned on my laptop to scroll through social media. While doing so, the power went out. The whole street was pretty dark. I turned off my laptop and went to bed for the night, which was surprisingly earlier than my usual sleep time.

Waking up to my alarm, it didn’t feel any different than when I sleep past midnight. I still feel really tired and just plain exhausted. Luckily though, electricity was already back, so my morning just continued on like usual.

I don’t have classes every Wednesday, so after eating breakfast, I got back up my room to get a small notebook and pen before going to the park nearby to just stay there and do nothing until the sun is high.

I went back to the apartment, took a shower, then took off and got to a mall to roam around and relax and to eat lunch. I went home by 5 pm.

While I was scrolling through social media again with my laptop, the lights went out again just like last night. It was a few minutes before 7 pm, so I was hoping that the power got back quick. To my surprise though, the street lights were all still on.

My room suddenly felt cold, like I went inside a freezer. Black mist was noticeably seeping through from under my door.

A few knocks came to my door.

As I approached it, my body felt a little heavy, but I just disregarded it.

I opened the door, and I wasn’t even surprised anymore.

It was Death knocking on my door.

A giant scythe, skeleton arms, but his face is never seen. The black mist emerges from under his black, fitted yet loose, hooded robe.

Once inside, he just stood there, silent. I just sat down by my table again, and spun the chair looking at him.

“Is this my time, my moment, my finale?” He slowly, but surely, shook his head.

“Alice Flynn, God of Creation.” He spoke in a very deep, hoarse, raspy voice.

“Death, God of Death.”

“I am no god, I am merely the guide of souls.”

“Well then, why are you here if it’s not yet my time?” Death stood silent for a while.

“I am no god as well, but only a creator.”

“You’re the God of Creation, Alice Flynn.”

“I’ve disregarded of that title a long time ago, Death.” Death stood silent again for a while.

“Is this a sign?”

“This is a sign.”

“Then I’ll wait for your return.” I got up, opened the door, and just watched Death walk out and disappear. The lights turned back on after he left. I picked up my jacket and wallet then went downstairs to eat dinner.

That night, before sleeping, I just stared at my ceiling, thinking about what the future will bring.

Death himself was at my door, neither an illusion nor a delusion.

A week passed quick. I didn’t bother thinking about Death anymore the next day, I was ready for whatever will happen. Since today was also the book signing event, I didn’t stay at the park anymore but got up early, prepared early, then went to the mall on the other side of town to get prepared as well.

I got there when the mall was just about to open. The booth was already setup, and there weren’t too many people outside yet. Once the mall opened, I took a sip of water, and patiently waited for people to come to the booth.

It didn’t take long for a line to form. It’s mostly by the table beside me where few of my previous books were being sold. I never even noticed 3 years pass, I just wrote and had it published.

By lunch time, I was given an hour of rest to roam around the mall and go shopping and eat. I wasn’t too interested in shopping much, so I just took more time to eat. I wasn’t that famous to need bodyguards too so I ate alone.

I went to the mall food court to eat. I roamed around with my food tray for a while since I wasn’t really able to reserve a seat. When I thought I found an empty seat, there was one person sitting by the whole table, so I just took up some courage.

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” The person sitting was pretty, with long black hair, brown eyes emphasized by the lights, pink lips and a fair complexion. She wasn’t noticeably wearing any makeup, either. She just looked at me in awe for a bit.

“A-Alice Flynn? Miss Alice Flynn?”

“That’s me. Do you mind if I sit in front of you?”

“N-no! Not at all! I-I’m all alone anyway, so just go ahead!” I smiled at her, sat down, then proceeded to eat lunch.

“I can’t believe I’m on the same table as you! I’m so much of a fan! I really love your works!”

“Why, thank you. Did you come here for the book signing as well?”

“Yes! Oh, that reminds me, I should probably be going so I would be first in line.” I stopped her as she was standing up.

“Nonsense, you’re already here with me. What’s your name?” She noticeably blushed.

“M-my name? C-Catherine. Catherine Hasting.”

“Nice to meet you, Catherine. Just relax, it’s okay.”

“I’m freaking out, I’m talking to the person I idolize the most. I can’t relax!” I finally finished eating.

“I already got a pen. Do you have the books?”

“A-are you sure? You’re going to sign it here?”

“I don’t mind, honestly. But you’re already pretty special to me, even though I just met you.” She blushed more than before. She then brought out her copies of my books. The few older ones were noticeably beat up page to page, but it’s well cared of.

“This surely isn’t your first time going to a book signing event, based on these books.” I proceeded to sign the back of the book covers with a personal message.

“I’ve went to your book signing last year but, I wasn’t able to have these signed because I was a little late and you were already about to leave.”

“Time sure is such a hassle.” After the final book, I took out my wallet and got a business card out. I wrote my number on it and hid it inside the first book.

“Did you get the new book, yet?”

“I was about to get it a while ago, but the booth closed when I got there, so I just went up here to eat. I really didn’t expect to eat with you, Miss Flynn.”

“Please, call me Alice.” I took out the new book from my bag, signed it, then gave it to her.

“For you. I also hid my phone number in one of the books, so when you find it, introduce yourself. I’ll try to reply immediately.” She was definitely in shock the whole time.

“Y-your new book…wait, your phone number? Are you really sure about this?”

“I like you, so consider it a gift. Oh, last, let’s take a pic.” I took out my phone and got beside her, then took a selfie with her.

“Remember what I have said in one of my stories?”

“’Images are printable memories’,” we said at the same time. Both of us giggled.

“I’ll see you around, Catherine.”

“Y-you too, Miss Flynn! Thank you so much for everything!”

“You’re welcome.” I smiled, then left and got back to the booth. The book signing lasted until 6 pm. I ate dinner before going home, and since it was official company business I got a free ride home too. I just stared at the picture I took with her before I went to sleep.

The next morning, just as I got to university, I received a text message from an unknown number.

“Good morning, Ms. Flynn! It’s me, Catherine!”

“Good morning, Catherine. Looks like you found my number.” I immediately replied. She took a while to reply.

“Yes! I actually found it last night, but it was pretty late already so I thought you were already asleep and just didn’t bother you anymore.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it too much.”

“I’m at school right now so I’ll text you when I’m free. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Maybe I’ll call you when you get home. Just text me.” The professor came in, and my day went like usual.

I got a message a few minutes after I got home.

“Hi Miss Flynn! I just got home. I’m free if you want to call.”

“I told you, call me Alice. It’s okay. Also, go rest first. Maybe I’ll tell you when I’m going to call.” I replied.

“Is it really okay if I call you Alice?”

“We’re friends, it’s okay.”

“Okay, Alice. I’ll rest for now. Talk to you later.”

“Sure.”

I called her while I was eating dinner. Coincidentally, she was also eating dinner. We had fun that night just talking before we slept.

A few months passed by, and we became very good friends. Whenever I call her, I just make sure first that I don’t bother her. She went from being an extreme fan girl to just seeing me as a casual friend, which I really liked. I didn’t want to be seen as someone higher, just someone else. But I guess, I liked her too much.

One day, when we went to the mall to just chat and eat, I had her look for a place to eat while I went away to the department store to buy her a gift, since it’s been nearly half a year.

I really don’t understand why, but every time I am with her, my heart just pounds hard and loud. I can’t really take her off my mind many times. She’s not distracting me but, I feel much happier just being with her.

I bought her a pretty necklace, while also preparing myself to see her.

I came to where she was exactly as the food came to our table.

“Hey Alice! Were you able to pick a gift or do you need my help?”

“No worry, I got one. Anyway let’s eat.”

I finished eating a bit earlier than her. I just looked at her the whole time while taking glances at the necklace I bought.

“Hey Catherine, remember the first time we ate together?” I asked after she finished eating.

“Yeah. I was extremely awkward back then. I was a super fan, after all. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a fan.”

“Remember when I gave you my new book?”

“Yeah. You didn’t even tell me it was your own copy. I kept it clean since then.”

“Remember when I told you that you were special to me?”

“Yeah…what about it?” I handed her the necklace.

“What is this? Wait, you bought this for me?”

“Catherine, I have a confession to make.”

“What is it, Alice?” My heart just won’t stop pounding, and she noticeably blushed a bit.

“Catherine, I love you. And not just a friend. So please, go out with me.”

She stayed silent for a while. I was mostly just staring at her too the whole time, waiting for a reply, or rejection.

“I-I’m sorry, Alice, but please give me some time to think this through.”

I just looked down, trying to hold my tears back. I never understood why I felt so hurt. She didn’t even say much at all.

“I understand. I’m sorry.” I stood up from the chair and took my bag.

“Alice-“

“Keep the necklace, Catherine. It’s yours. I’ll see you around.” I then just left.

On my way home, my editor suddenly called me.

“Alice! What are you doing? You’re two weeks late! I know that you can probably try to churn out something in another week but, you’re also on your last warning. If you don’t give me anything by the end of next week, you’re toast, and gone for good. Contract will be voided and your stories are company property. You won’t earn anything.”

“I’ll work on it tomorrow.” I then ended the call quickly. I dropped down the bus stop, and decided to walk home.

Fire trucks and ambulances were rushing through the road, causing some traffic. I was in shock to learn that the apartment I live in was the one that caught fire. There weren’t many people outside anymore, they were probably evacuated immediately. The fire was also already under control when I came. It was afternoon, but the outside of the apartment have just been almost all black.

An hour later, fire was contained and off. I had a feeling of contempt towards myself that whole evening. The firefighters left while it was raining, but I just didn’t bother to get an umbrella anymore. I just sat down outside the now gone home I knew for years.

I didn’t cry, I can’t cry. I just felt empty knowing that everything I had was gone, and I wasn’t able to save anything.

It just continued to rain. Sometimes, I look at the light post shining down on the other side of the road. Most of the time, I’m just curled up beside the road, getting soaked in the rain.

Some time later, I thought it stopped raining because I didn’t feel the rain anymore. To my surprise, Catherine was there, covering me and herself with an umbrella.

“I told you to wait, remember?” I just looked at her. She wasn’t happy, but she wasn’t mad.

“Will you just stay there and spend your night there? Come with me.” I just followed her, not speaking the whole time. We went to the convenience store where she bought a towel to dry me. We then just waited for the rain to stop before moving again. She bought me food, but I didn’t have any appetite or interest in eating that time. I just felt really down. The sounds of rain and darkness never felt comfortable that night.

“You’re staying at my place for now, okay? I know that this isn’t a good time but, I might as well introduce you to my parents since they’ll also be meeting you.”

We took a taxi on the way to her place, which was surprisingly far. It was also my first time going to her place, but at that time I just couldn’t care less about whatever next is going to happen. On her way home, the rain also seemed to stop.

Once we got there, we were immediately greeted by her parents.

“Catherine! Where have you been? We were worried sick about you!” her mother said. I’m just staring blankly at the floor.

“I’m okay, Mom, don’t worry. Sorry if I’m a little late. Had to work on some things.”

“Who is this pretty girl you brought here? If you could’ve told us earlier we could’ve at least prepared some snacks.”

“Oh, right. Mom, Dad,” she said, holding my hand. “this is Alice Flynn, my favorite author, and, now, my girlfriend.”

Everyone stayed silent for a while.

“Well, congratulations to the both of you. We’ll fully support you two, no matter what.” her father said.

“Get her prepared in the guest room then let’s have a talk as family.” her mother said.

“I’ll get her some clothes first from my room. I’ll come back and explain to you everything.”

We just went somewhere. I guess my mind was really just wandering that time that, I just can’t be bothered even to look up a little bit. When we probably got to her room, she just told me to sit down, so I did. I just stayed there, sometimes trying to look around. Most of the time though, I’m just staring blankly at the floor.

Some time later, Catherine got back up to the room, then told me to come with her, so I did. We got down to the dining area, where there were some snacks and some water. Her parents were waiting for us. She sat down beside me. Both of her parents then talked to me.

“We’re sorry. To be terribly honest with you, we thought you were not someone we would like our only daughter to date. But now, learning about everything that happened to you, we understand why you are looking like that, and acting like that. We learned so much about you from our daughter before you two even met, and every time you meet, she always tells us how and what you are as a person. We weren’t actually prepared to learn this so early, but we’ll gladly accept you for our daughter. Please take care of her.”

I looked up to them, then nodded. I just can’t speak, and I don’t understand why.

“By the way, Catherine, go get her some medicine so she doesn’t get sick from the rain and cold,” her mother said. “And don’t worry about your place, you’re staying with us for now until you decide where you would go.” I just nodded as well.

Catherine got me medicine, which I drank, before we got back up to her room.

Since then, I sat down, then just stared blankly at her table, where my books were neatly arranged.

“By the way, my mom said it was okay for you to stay in my room.” She gave me a change of clothes.

“I hope these fit you like they do me. Let’s just buy clothes tomorrow. I’ll just ask one of your classmates too to tell your professors that you can’t come into school since your place was part of the accident.” I just stared at her blankly.

“I’ll just be outside while you change.” She then left, closing the door behind her. I looked at the clothes for a moment, just staring at them, thinking what I have lost, before finally changing into them. I got my wet clothes folded and just put them on a chair. I then unlocked the door so Catherine knew I was finished.

She dried my hair with a hair dryer before we went to sleep. I guess I was too traumatized to function at that night.

I got into her bed. It was small, but spacious. After turning off the lights, she got in and covered both of us with her blanket, which felt warm.

“Is it okay if I hug you while we sleep?” I nodded. I felt her arm wrap me by my waist. I then closed me eyes.

“It’s okay to cry, Alice. I’m here. I love you. You won’t lose me.” I teared up a bit, and slowly, but surely, while she was also caressing my head to comfort me, I cried until I slept.

I woke up early, but still dark. I got up from bed and got my phone. Checking the time, it’s 4 am, so I turned off my alarm to not bother Catherine. I then sat down by her table and emailed my editor.

“Hey. I lost everything in the fire. As much as I remember, I didn’t publish 4 stories, but you did finalize the copies. Do me a favor, and pick the one you like the most. That’s what you get published. I don’t care what the story is, or title is. Surprise me when it’s published. Don’t tell me which one you gave them.”

After having it sent, I felt someone sneak behind me, then suddenly hugging me.

“Alice, let’s still sleep okay? It’s too early.” I held her hands as she pulled me back to the bed. We both slept again until 6 am.

We got down to the kitchen after doing some light stretching. Her mother cooked us breakfast, while her father was just finishing his coffee before going to work.

I sat down, then got some rice and fried eggs. Catherine gave me coffee, and both of us just enjoyed the morning. But to be honest, it was my first time being able to eat home made breakfast, and not just something out of a vending machine. And eating with someone…felt nice.

After eating, we both got back up to her room. I sat down on her bed while she got some clothes.

“I’m gonna take a bath and go to the university first to tell the professors, okay? I got no classes today so I don’t mind.”

“Catherine, come here.” Though confused, she still sat down beside me.

“What’s up?” I hugged her tightly.

“You’ve done enough. Let’s just spend time here for now. I’m pretty sure no one would mind if I’m absent for a day.” She hugged me back tightly as well.

“Well we’re still going to the mall later, okay? We’re going to buy you clothes, at least that.”

“I’ll buy a laptop as well. I still need to work, after all.”

“Are you going to find a place too? I can try to help.”

“It’ll take me time to find a new place to stay. Let’s not worry about it for now.”

“Okay then.” I let go of her, then kissed her forehead. She just looked at me surprised and blushing.

“You take a bath first. I can wait.”

“A-Alice! J-just tell me next time when you’re going to do that…” I just smiled.

“You’ll feel different if I do it elsewhere, so don’t get too excited with just a forehead kiss.”

“It’s still a kiss!” I giggled a bit.

“Anyway, you go take a bath. I want to buy new clothes first before I change.”

“I mean I can lend you clothes.”

“I told you, Catherine, you’ve done enough. It’s okay, I’m used to this.”

“What do you mean you’re used to this?”

“Pay it no mind. Go now, the clock is ticking.” She looked at me concerned, then just left, bringing her clothes, to take a bath. I closed the door to change into my yesterday attire, which was just a little bit wet.

She came back a few minutes later fully dressed. As per usual I’m just sitting down by her bed.

“Hi Alice. You ready to go or will you take a shower?”

“Close the door. I want to talk.” She closed the door, then sat beside me.

“What is it?”

“I’m actually a god.” She looked at me both surprised and concerned.

“I know, it’s unbelievable-“

“God of what, exactly?”

“Wh-what?” I was in shock to hear that.

“What god are you?”

“I’m the god of creation.”

“And you don’t mean that because you’re a writer, right?”

“Yes.” She stayed silent for a while.

“I’m sorry you had to learn this way.” She hugged me tight.

“I don’t care if this life of mine is another story that you’ve written, as long as you’re with me.”

“Catherine…” I hugged her back tightly, then cried.

“This is the first time in all my life that someone trusted me and accepted me to be honest…I’m thankful that it’s you…”

“And I’m thankful that you shared such wonderful fictious stories with everyone, Alice. It really helped us see the world in another way.”

While we were having our moment, everything went dark again. We thought it was just about to storm, before black mist once again seeped through the door.

“A-Alice, what’s happening?”

“Stay calm, it’s okay.”

The door unlocked, once again revealing Death. He came into the room quietly. When I look at Catherine, she doesn’t seem scared, but rather concerned.

“Alice Flynn, God of Creation.”

“Death, Guider of Souls.” He nodded.

“You have redeemed yourself worthy of the title once again, Alice Flynn. And now you have to make a choice.”

“What is the first?”

“The God of Time will reset everything until the day before the fire, and change the outcome. You will remember everything that happened yesterday and today, but she won’t.”

“The other?”

“Nothing will change, and you can live life as is right now. Everything you lost is permanent, and can never be taken back.” I kept silent for a while. I then looked at Catherine for a while, before finally looking back at Death.

“I have decided.” Everything stayed silent for a while.

“And so it shall be done.”

“Until we meet again, Death.” He looked back and went out, never saying a word. Everything went back to normal.

“Alice?” I sat down beside her, hugged her, then kissed her forehead.

“All this time, all these years, I’ve always looked back and hated my creations. But you, you’re an exception.” To my surprise, she kissed me on my lips.

“I’m yours forever, Alice. Until death do us part.” I kissed her again, then smiled.

“I love you, Catherine.”

“I love you too, Alice."