The Last Time
“Why are you here?” he asked. It was the first thing he has said for the last five minutes that I’ve been standing in front of him.
“Why are you here?” he asked again. I sat down on his bed, taking in the image of his room. His walls were gray, like his eyes. Bookshelves ran the side of the wall by the window. Outside, lightning struck somewhere, and rain still poured down from above.
I could hear the rhythm of the rain falling to the ground from outside and the calming sound of the piano music playing from Cam’s phone, it’s symphony a clarity against the chaos of what I’m feeling.
“I,um….” I sighed.
“Sadie… You’re creeping me out, you know that? You better say why you’re here in the middle of a stormy night,” he said. Indeed, his face was pale. So was I. My hands were shaking.
“Cameron… You know what I am right? You know what happened?”
“Didn’t I just say that you were creeping me out? Sadie, of course I know what happened! That’s why you have to tell me why you’re here, or maybe more like how you’re here. It’s not everyday that I lose someone and see their ghost up in middle of the night.”
“Woah, okay. It was an accident, just so you know. People keep saying I intentionally let myself be killed by a truck. I was—“
“But you were going to end your life, weren’t you?” he cut me off, looking straight into my eyes. His eyes were watery with tears. He was now sitting beside me on the bed. “Tell me. You were about to jump off that bridge, weren’t you?”
I stared at him and smiled sadly. “Yes, Cam. It was the only thing I had to do. My parents are separating because of me. My best friend ditched me for a jerk of a baseball player. School wasn’t getting any better. I knew that the path I’ve been taking is leading to nowhere with everything that’s happening. I was being deprived of life’s delight and happiness, I didn’t know what to do anymore. “ I looked down, but he put his hand under my chin and lifted my face so that I was facing him.
“But you had me. Sadie, you could’ve come to me and talked to me. You know that.”
“I know. That’s why I got off the railings and went back on the road. The rain was already pouring hard by then, and I was still in disarray, so I ran blindly across the road and got hit by that stupid truck and got killed anyway,” I replied. I was crying now.
Footsteps echoed from the hallway and his door handle started to twist, but the door remained closed. “Honey, are you okay? I know it must be hard, but you can talk to me,” his mom said from outside.
“It’s okay mom. I’m okay.” We waited for his mom to say something, but we heard receding footsteps, instead.
“But… why are you here now?” he asked.
“Maybe because I was on my way here before I died, but more of because I do have something to say to you. Funny that I decided to say it when it’s all too late,” I said, feeling a twinge in my heart.
“Nothing’s ever too late.”
“Some things are. Cam… I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I never was the perfect girl you deserve. I’m sorry for being so blind, for disregarding what you felt. I just want to let you know that it’s okay to say it, and I should’ve told you that when I was alive, but I was afraid I was wrong.”
“I love you,” he confessed, finally. I took his hand, and for the first time in a long time, I felt happy.
“I love you too. I’m sorry if I was too selfish to make you go through this. I love you. But it’s too late.” I wiped the tears from his face and held on to him for a few more moments. “Live, okay? For me.”
Then, I left him one more time. The last time.