It starts in September.
The familiar jingle bell tune softly plays overhead in malls, stores, and jeepneys I ride on. Discount sales on toys, festive ornaments littered all over the place. Bundle packs appear in the grocery section. Commercials air about giving and keeping in touch with loved ones. Outside, the air is colder than usual in the morning and it's when we wear coats and jackets to school. The school days become shorter and our class is giddy with talk of what to wear and what gift to give our 'Secret Santa' in our party.
People are kinder this time of the year.
We, as children, take full advantage of that. We aired out our own wishes louder. The elders just smile at us and tell us to wait instead of shushing us like they usually do at every other time of the year.
My heart beats a little bit faster and I can't help but be amazed at this magical feeling that this time of the year brings. Everything is a tad warmer.
That was me when I was a kid.
And that kid was long gone.
The years had suctioned the innocence thoroughly out of me. I am but a miniscule chip of the big heart I once were.
The magical wand has been snapped into half and the illusion which is 'Christmas' has been bared to me.
I see the commercialism, the propaganda behind the holiday, the fake-nice personas and the humble-bragging at every reunion, every party and pretty much any event. I saw the true face behind the masque.
Now, this is what I await instead of gifts under the Christmas tree.
It is very tiring to know so much depressing stuff but it's harder to latch on the good memories before the bad. With my many experiences in theatre, I still could not improvise on the feeling of peace.
I guess, I really am an adult. Tch.
There's no snow where I live but it sure feels like a blizzard is rampaging within me sometimes.
I think back to the times I was excited for parties...
Back to the times when I had the entire month or so to myself..
When I don't have to worry about buying a Christmas ham and just get as many slices as I want (without beating myself up with all the carbs I ate afterwards)
Now, I wake up to a colder morning to take an even colder shower to shrug my sleepy self to work.
I check my phone for business emails and ignore the fancy white and red pop-up ads.
The familiar jingle bell tune slowly recedes in the background as I listen to the weather report.
When my co-workers plan on throwing parties, I groan as the concept called "expense" rears its ugly head.
I search for discounts on household items and catch freebies on groceries.
With a bottle of red wine and my favorite prune cake, cozy under the covers of myself as I watch a Sci-Fi movie or a rerun on my favorite show.
Yes, Santa had left and gone, leaving my adult self with coals of childhood disappoinment.
But it sure taught me how to make the most out of a holiday.