The Suicidal Note

I don't know how to say this to you but I might as well now as I have nothing to lose.

I feel I've lost everything already.

I see no light anymore. I wake up not wanting to wake up. There was a time I saw my life with you, a future with you, but you shattered my dreams and I feel dead inside.

  What was my fault even? I can't eat or sleep or think or function. What was my fault even ?

I am not angry, I am not sad, but in all senses I am writing this to you. I am much more than happy to leave this world of cheats, ' cause hope doesn't linger inside me anymore. I might as well suffer intense pain for a while and sleep forever, rather seeing my life become a nightmare all day, everyday and with growing years. What was my fault even?

You wanted me to leave, I am leaving for real and always,

To the nights we laughed,

And young days.

                    Do you think I enjoyed writing to you every now and then, to be reminded of how far we have parted for you? I did not.

Do you think I wasn't capable of understanding the most of you, and be certain about our happiness? I was.

But my throat is choking out of pain. I am panting so much I have never, but now.

What was my fault even?

The person who told me life is beautiful today shows me the miserable life. What kind of human nature exists in this universe !

You held me and cried to me just yesterday,

Today, you turned it all into a game.

But then I convince myself again

'It is not his fault. I trusted him. He too did the same'

So you don't have to feel the misery in your vein,

A day or two or three, I'll be a shame

In a blink of an eye's time,

nobody is going to remember me the same.

                        Depression is like local anaesthesia. Your body and mind becomes so numb, it doesn't fear certain death.

        I am sorry you had to do the ugly part. And i am sorry I am choosing the easiest path. But I'm going to leave like a stubborn child. You'll see a smile on my face, as I lie down there.

Don't cry, 'cause believe me i'll be happier on the other side.

Hey? I want to be dressed so beautifully before I am sent away.

Please don't let anyone cut open me and stitch me up again?

I want to go however I am found.

~ Your truest love.