It's funny how sometimes the tiniest of the tiny things irritate you the most when your mind is already preoccupied with things you feel helpless about. It's funnier how your mind runs berserk at that helpless moment. That one day- feeling helpless- I had decided to go to sleep. My bed was my safe haven, always had been. Sleep was a way for me to escape the little problems I 'had no mood' to deal with. And so, sleep was what I opted for that day too. Just that moment before I could drift into my world of dreams, my dad opened the door to my room, knowing very well that his little daughter needed some unspoken consolation. But it was this concerned act of him entering the room that sparked an illogical anger in me. And the reason for this anger is something I still can't reason for. This anger was because he opened the door the 'wrong way'.
He had opened the door twisting the handle and pushing the door at the same time. That sound of the door being opened the wrong way made me shiver. That sound made me want to scream, "That's not how it's done." That sound made me want to puke. That sound made me want to cry. That sound made my head throb in pain. That sound made my skin prick. That sound made me grit my teeth in anger.That sound was a sound of pain. I could feel the pain and uneasiness of the door at that moment. "That's not how it's done," my voice shouted. Fortunately or unfortunately, that voice was just in the back of my head. "You need to turn the handle first and then, push the door. Why is it so difficult for people to understand?" That sound... It was way too much for me to handle.
So I just lay there...pretending to be fast asleep so that I could be left alone to my thoughts. Let's just say that that wasn't one of my best decisions, because well, I WAS LEFT ALONE TO MY IRRATIONAL THOUGHTS.
I lay there...face muffled by my pillow, waiting for my anger to subside. It didn't take long. It was only a matter of seconds before I was not angry anymore. I was laughing; laughing at how irrational my infuriation and annoyance was. But that was short-lived too. There you go. My plan of sleeping-my-way-out was completely ruined. But it did help me forget what I was once worried about. Well, I found a new piece to worry about. Oh, it was going to be a long night.
And so, I lay there...breathing in and out- deeply- the way you do when you become aware of your existence all of a sudden. I could then feel life bustling in every little inanimate object lying around me.
And then, I lay there...reasoning out my state of mind to prove to myself that I had not lost it.
I'm still trying to prove it.
Story