“I need to see you .. can we meet ?“
he was looking through the window in his apartment still in disbelief that it was her.. everything around him froze in time.. the people & cars in the street stood still.. suddenly someone pushed the mute button in his ears but for her voice.. the park he always enjoyed looking at from the window suddenly vanished.. he was in another dimension.. where the only thing that existed was her voice..
after seven years of no contact what-so-ever.. these where her words.. a million thoughts ran around in his head.. what can he possibly say.. she called from a new number than the one he had erased only from his phone but never could from his memory.. without conscious the words came out of his mouth like an unstoppable river.. no thinking.. mind totally blocked.. no awareness of anything but her voice on the phone.. he agreed to meet her after an hour.. she said she’d be waiting for him in the old cafe they used to go to.. seven years ago..
with the same confused mind his body was put on autopilot.. his head was too busy thinking to give any commands.. he got dressed and just stood in front of the mirror.. maybe this was just a dream and any minute now he’ll wake up.. no ! it’s been a while since he felt happy in a dream.. this was really happening.. he remembered how she was the center of his life all these years ago.. how life was promising then & how they were full of hope.. how they had planned everything together.. how his life came down after the last time they met..
he had shut that memory away in a dark corner in the back of his head.. locked it in a chest as Davy Jones had locked away his heart to get rid of it’s pain.. the difference is he didn’t keep the key with him.. he threw it away.. but her voice unlocked that memory and many others and sent them running wild in his mind..
he realized he was now in a taxi on his way when the driver started talking about politics and how everything is expensive nowadays.. usually he accepts a little conversation but not this today.. he was elsewhere in another time.. how had he lived his life without her all these years.. how after her he spent a while trying to get over her without losing his mind.. how he refused all suggestions or discussions to get married till his late wife came in his life after he had started a new life.. not knowing that his old one would come back one day.. he came back to the world when he was standing outside the cafe.. when he saw her sitting there.. on the same table they used to reserve.. she was just as he remembered.. and he just stood there watching her for a few minutes.. through the window..
Chapter Two
I need to talk to him…
she thought to herself as she stood staring through the window of her tenth floor apartment overlooking the Nile,, she had just finished her coffee when she made up her mind to call him.. after all,, wasn’t he always her first choice when she needed someone to talk to ?! then again.. that was seven years ago..
” seven years.. it’s been that long ? ” she thought to herself.. but still all their memories together were there in her mind whether she wanted to admit it or not.. but she would never dare dwell on the past or try to guess when they started going apart.. why would she when deep down she knows..
last she heard of him he was married but no kids.. she found out by accident in a conference she was covering when she ran into an old mutual friend who wanted to catch up afterwards..
” did i cross his mind sometimes ?! was the first year after the breakup as hard on him as it was on me ? no !! stop thinking about that,, i already made up my mind & i’m calling him ” she ordered herself to avoid any second thoughts on the matter.. she picked up her phone & automatically dialed his number that wasn’t saved on her new phone for two reasons.. she didn’t think she’d need it.. & she never forgot it anyway..
she decided it was going a short call straight to the point.. ring ring ring,, ” should i hang up ? what would he say ? ” .. he answered..
” hi.. how are you ? yeah it’s me.. i know.. look, i just called cause.. well, I need to see you .. can we meet ? .. how about our old cafe, you remember it don’t you ? OK, see you there.. “
casual.. I’ll wear something casual.. she picked out something to wear.. put on some light make up.. he always told her she didn’t need any to look pretty.. her head never stopped thinking since they hung up.. nothing specific.. but she just couldn’t clear her head..
the cafe was only 10 minutes from her house so she’d just walk there.. she could use some fresh air anyway.. clearing her head and trying to think straight & arrange her thoughts.. fearful that when they meet all that would be in vain..
” well isn’t that just too good to be true ! ” she thought when she found their table – the one they always sat at seven years ago – free.. she went over and sat down on her usual chair..
she wondered what he’d be like after all these years.. that’s when her phone rang.. it was someone from the office telling her about some meeting the next day.. then the waiter came with her coffee.. she got too distracted to notice that he just arrived outside.. she would see him if she just looked to her left.. through the window
Chapter Three
not such a big cafe .. only 6 tables ,, all indoor.. small but elegant with it’s random distribution of tables ,, elegant lighting & of course .. the enchanting songs they always play
one waiter serving tables.. and he’s enough anyway since only 3 tables are taken..
“ok .. deep breath ,, calm down.. just go in ,, say hi & the rest will come..”
“he’s late .. i feel so stupid !! i should’ve known better… just 5 more minutes & i’ll ask for the cheque & leave”
the other two tables taken .. one had a single person with an apple laptop & headphones in.. probably working given the notes he takes in his little notebook & a large mocca in front of him.. the other one had two architecture students/lovers talking & examining some paintings in front of them or on the laptop.. the waiter was just giving them their fresh OJ & iced chocolate before they got back to their talking as the sound of music fills the cafe’s background
you light.. the skies.. up above me.. a star.. so bright.. you blind me..
” Welcome back Mr. Adam,, long time no see “
she hears Mahmoud the cafe manager say & suddenly her heart starts pounding in her chest as she does her best keeping herself from turning around,, she tries to look as though she’s busy typing something in her phone.. & she was,, she was typing down her overwhelmed thoughts… “he’s really here”
“Hi.. i see u got our,, er .. the same table as usual “ he says with a smile
” yeah ,, i guess we’re just lucky it was empty when i came “ now her teeth begin to show as she gets overwhelmed with joy as there eyes meet..
” how are you Rana ? “ with the same smile on his face as he takes his seat across the table from her..
” I’m just fine Adam,, tell me how are you and how’s your job at the bank ? I want to know all about you” her eyes were now locked on him.. her mind was actively comparing him to the person in her mind.. except for a few white hairs & the neatly trimmed light beard he used to always shave.. it really was him.. after all those years.. he was right there across the table from her..
” i’m alright “ he said,, trying to loosen the obvious awkwardness of the situation ” I left the bank a couple of years ago actually.. opened my own accounting agency” he said as he adjusted the chair so he could sit with her directly in his face.. he wanted to have only her in his sights.. as if he was making up for all those years they’d spent apart..
” oh that’s great,, just as you always wanted.. and how is that working for you ? “ she now had her child-like genuine smile across her face.. the one that he’d always he liked most about her.. the one that she had missed for a while now.. was it because she was happy for him ? or because she was really happy to see him.. it didn’t matter to her.. she was thankful her smile had returned..
” it pretty good actually ,, we already have some major firms as clients.. tell me.. u dont work at the newspaper anymore do you ? i cant find your column anymore”
” yes i left it too “ she said ” i’m now a daily writer at scribbles magazine & i’m responsible for the online site .. it’s pretty nice really”
” well .. looks like we both turned out doing pretty well “
he said it without thinking, and suddenly the heavy shadow of awkwardness came back as she know grabbed her coffee & grabbed his phone as if searching for a name just so they could let the moment pass.. luckily – they both thought – they were saved by the waiter coming to take Adam’s order..
of course they’re okay and turned out doing well.. wasn’t that what they both said all those years ago ? “we’ll just move on” she remembered both themselves saying.. obviously they did..
funny how feelings change.. how what we think would last forever would be severed with one act of fate.. just when we believe we have everything going according to plan then it just goes the other way.. the people we think would form a big part of our lives.. turn out to be the ones who cause most damage.. or so we think at that moment till we later in our years find they were our best learnt lessons.. for we learn lessons from experience and personal contact far better than we do from any other manner..
she looked back at him trying to bring the conversation to a lighter topic to lose the awkwardness “the place hasn’t changed a bit.. just as if we’d been here a couple of days ago.. “ she told him trying to look like she’d been paying attention to everything he did.. though she didn’t even notice what he ordered..
“ yeah,, just the same except for some new staff,, the waiter’s new i guess “ he said with the intention of showing her she was still as much an open book to him as ever,, he knew she was distracted “so tell me about your life.. ever got married ?” he said now turning his seat to the right a little so he could put one leg over the other.. as he always does when he starts to get tense or nervous.. “tonight was night a time for getting tense.. tonight is a time for happiness.. tonight I’m with her” he thought to himself
” no i didn’t just engaged twice then i decided it was still to early for that,, and it would also stand in the way of career “ she said plainly ” how about you ? I heard you’re married ” now focusing her eyes on him while drinking her coffee..
” was actually “ he said with an apparent sadness in his voice.. wishing he hadn’t brought up the subject.. ” May she rest in peace “
“Oh.. Sorry” she said in a lower voice feeling the conversation getting worse by the moment.. she dropped her gaze from his eyes..
” Never mind.. that was a long time ago.. ” feeling a change of topic is a must now.. ” so how’s your sister Amira & your little nephew ? “
” she fine.. and so is Ali.. he’s going to third grade ,, he’s a handful but we just can’t live without him” she said with a smile coming back to her face.. but not the same one she had a moment ago.. this was more of a “Pan M smile”.. just an expression on her face with no real emotion..
the waiter came back with the Lemon mint he’d ordered.. giving them both a moment of relief.. with the sound of music over came the silence..
And all these days i spend away..
I’ll make up for this I swear..
I need your love to hold me up..
when it’s all too much to bear..
and when the night falls in around me..
& I don’t think I’ll make it through..
I use your light to guide my way..
cause all I think about is you..
Life is weird isn’t it ? strikes you when you’re most vulnerable.. when you’re most emotional.. when you’re most unlikely to see what lies afterwards.. when you’re most likely to stay down for a longer time.. we said we wouldn’t let that happen to us.. we’d be stronger and honor the promise we’d made from the first day we took the step.. if anything goes wrong we’d take the least time possible and move on.. we’d try to keep in touch.. but it took us seven years to make a phone call.. we managed to keep the first part of the agreement and move on with our lives.. we even achieved…
” I’m sorry “
she took him completely by surprise.. cutting his line of thoughts.. he put the glass back down on the table in the middle of drinking..
“for what ?” he asked looking completely riddled
” for everything Adam..” she said in what almost appeared a whisper.. still looking down,, she couldn’t meet his eyes now.. ” for everything that happened.. for letting go when we should’ve tried fighting a bit more.. for moving away.. for cutting everything that joins us together.. for trying to shut you away from my memory and my mind.. for not calling all these long years.. i thought that was the right thing to do but it caused more pain than joy.. it was much,, much harder than i thought it’d be.. but back then we were young and i wasn’t thinking straight and i didn’t want it to be harder than it was.. i.. i.. i just couldn’t handle hanging by a loose thread of hope that we could stay together…”.. the guilt was plain in her voice.. she’d felt responsible for his pain.. as well as hers.. her smile was gone completely now.. her face wasn’t sad though.. it was plain.. expressionless.. still directed straight down..
“Rana no.. stop..” he interrupted her ” there was nothing more we could do at that time.. so we did what was thought right by us.. by both of us.. sure we could’ve done more but that’s all in the past.. dwelling over it only makes things harder.. we’re here now.. we can set things right.. it’d take time and be awkward at first sure.. but with time we can turn things around again” he said reaching across the table for her hand.. now his face was serious.. though still filled with care for her.. care that remained in him no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise..
this was the openness everybody knows is needed but no one wants to live.. the time of truth,, emotions,, of admitting things well known but never spoken,, of direct confrontation with no escape,, not only with someone else but with ourselves,, a time of Concessions,, of showing who we really are when it matters,, and what we’re willing to do to keep the people we care about.. he was determined not to lose her at that time.. he was willing to let go after all these years he felt pain, anger & sorrow.. if it meant there was the slightest chance of having her back in his life in any way possible
“i wish that was possible Adam.. i really do.. but I’m afraid it maybe too late for that..”
“there’s no better time than now.. isn’t that what you always used to say ?” he said with a kind smile
“there isn’t.. that’s why i called you actually.. cause i missed you and i wanted to see you.. i wanted to get this off my chest..” she took a slight pause as if recollecting her thoughts,, she started making little spirals with her hand on the table.. just as she always does ever since she was a child when she was about to make a confession.. slowly she raised her head till her eyes met with his ” i wanted to talk to you.. to see you.. i wanted to remember the old times.. i wanted to see you one more time.. one last time.. I’m traveling tomorrow for Australia.. and i wanted you to be the last person i see before going”
he was left speechless,, slowly loosening his grip from her hand,, she’d come back to life only to tell him that she’s leaving forever.. she moved her gaze away from him unwilling to see the look on his face,, she barely dealt with the sadness killing her from the inside with out the added misery she’d feel seeing his face right now..
a heavy silence overcame the whole place.. the architecture students were still chatting but no longer looking at the photos in front of them.. the guy working on his laptop was still occupied.. another table was taken by three friends laughing.. the sun was starting to set outside,, the streets were getting more and more crowded.. they remained silent as life kept moving around them..
they were just two people… sitting together in a cafe.. presumably having a good time and catching up.. or at least that’s what you’d see had you been passing by the cafe at that moment and by chanced looked at them.. through the window..