Everyone loves their father
They adore them so much
And they love them
Wherever I look, I see only the bliss
Those smiles and laughters
Without a trace of a broken glass
I see only the pure mirror of truth
But, I, on the other hand
Feel nothing in particular
I reflect the broken child that
Hides underneath the curtain
I should be happy when I have a family
But what's the essence if there's no presence
A presence of a man who protects his family
A presence of a husband who loves his wife
A presence of a father who cares for his children
I wonder why it's so hard for you to do that
When every father takes all the responsibility as a man
I wonder why you're so drawn up with money
When there's still us waiting to shower us with love
I wonder why you don't live in this house
When in fact a father always comes home to be with his family
Do you have someone else you love? Do you hate us?
Or do you hate my mother?
You text her with those hurtful words,
Those curses, those accusations!
You call her lazy?!
She explained why she doesn't work
A fucking million times!
But you see it as a lie
She's a MOTHER, and she knows her duty
Her duty to take care of us always
And that's what she wants to do for the rest of her life!
She "needs" us and "we" need her
She's afraid to leaves us!
She's a mother and she knows what a MOTHER is
What fucking part don't you understand?
I hate you!
Do you think I don't care?
You think I don't know?
I'm fucking bearing it in the first place!
But I can't bring myself to talk to you
Maybe I'm a coward
So I sent you a message
I asked you why
Why are you being like this?
I told you "please tell me"
I know I'm the one you'll listen to
But what I just did?
You treat it like nothing
Just like you treat my mother
I bet you just deleted it
Cause you wanted to escape
You say you're dealing it all by yourself?
How 'bout us?
Are we not you're family?
You're making ALL the decisions
Without my mother's permission!
You feel like dying?
But you're blaming it to her?
Really, dad? "Dying" in "your work"?
You use the money mostly for the business
You're almost scared to give a small amount of crap to us
'Coz you don't trust us
So what kind of "hard-work" are you doing?
Fucking self-pity and pride!
You said there's not enough money for the debts
But you spend so much for yourself and for the others
For what? To brag about your wealth?
Yes, YOU'RE wealth, it's always been you, right?
For you, we're just a peasant who always bother
Do you know what a FATHER means?
I don't know either
I never have a father
That's right
You're not a father to me
You only own the title
Not by resposibility
You're a liar
Always telling lies
Always leaving us hanging
You're a coward, you're not a man
I hate you and always will be
Do you know why I don't cry?
It's because I feel empty
They say that "you don't have the reason to be hurt
If you don't love that person"
Then maybe I don't love you anymore
Maybe...
What happened to that father I always look up to?
What happened to that man I always call "spider-man"?
What happened to my super hero?
What happened to those promises?
I wish I didn't know you
I wish I was not your daughter
I wish I have "that" father that everyone else has!
I wish you're not my father
I wish you never married my mother!
Then for sure, I will never exist
That would be better
Than having a family that's almost falling apart
You don't deserve my mother
You don't deserve us
I always hope you'll change
But if you do
It would be too late
The damage has been done
I wish I could be as strong as anyone else
I wish I can speak these words that had been kept
I wish I was not a coward
I need some courage
But I don't have it
You ignored my message
How much more if I give you these poem
You never really care
I wish I could slap you and curse you
But I really can't, you're still my father
And I wish I was strong enough to say this to you
Of what kind of a Father you are..
I almost cried where I wrote the "spider-man" part. Lol. Did I just said I don't cry? Haha. I don't know, I'm confused. But seriously, I thought he was that super hero. But, nah, guess he's not just the ideal dad.
This is why I can't relate to Father's Day. And if a teacher ask us to describe the good qualities of our father, I stayed quiet and made up something nice to say so that I will not get embarrassed. If anyone will ask what's my message to him, well, I'll roll my eyes and give him my first ever poem for him, where love doesn't exist.