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Isn't it funny how so many people ask you how you are, but so little actually mean it? So few are the ones who are willing to listen to the real answer.
We are not machines, we have emotions and most importantly we have thoughts that make us feel certain ways; whether it's memories, information, experiences, routines, what we believe in, what we want to fight for, what we feel sorry for... So many things in our head and yet all we find to say is "I'm fine". Sure, it's like checking if you're in the most primary sense "OK". But what if I'm not injured in a leg or an arm but I'm hurt inside? Am I still allowed to say "I'm good. How are you"? What if so many things could just make me burst out of anger or sadness or passion? I mean are all those things for nothing? What if I don't feel OK?
Now you're probably saying, "well we can't exactly ask "why do you feel sad when you watch this movie" if we don't know that you have watched it or that you have that in your mind right now. In fact we can't know what's in your mind and that's why we're asking you a generic question such as "how are you"." Very well, but I'm telling you, next time someone asks you how you are, if you don't respond with the classic answer, the reactions might be surprising.
Indeed nobody ever expects another response, because the answer almost doesn't matter to them. It's out of convenience, because we have been taught to say it.
"Well what do I do about it then" you say. Well, once I realized all those things, I tried to do it, I tried to really understand people and get the real answer. And believe me it was something! I mean it's fascinating how people have things to say. But it's also very tiring. Especially when you do it so informally, just in a few 20 minutes in-between two things. I usually let people talk as long as they want and so it usually lasts a lot longer than planned. However as I said, when it's in such an unprofessional context and since I'm no expert on human affairs, it would just be me listening and empathizing to somebody and trying to give advice all I can, but I would end up never being listened.
Now, I moved to another country and I have less time to listen to people and don't quite have the community I used to have. There are even less people willing to listen to whether I'm OK or not and -since it's nonetheless a two-ways thing- none that I really feel like opening up to, honestly.
Well, this has been a pretty cynical writing. I'm sorry if it made you sad or angry. I only hope that it made you think a little bit about what you say and who you are willing to listen to. This was my experience. Maybe I'm totally wrong and if so, I'm quite happy for you and for the world, since there at least one person who genuinely cares about how others are.
You know those strangers who build your imagination? Those people who you just wish you knew?
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Published on February 10, 2017
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