When Doubts Creep In

Did it ever come to a point where you told yourself, “Is this even worth it?”

You finally decide that whatever the crap you’re dealing with here, it’s not going to be worth a damn. It’s not worth giving up what you’ve wanted your whole life. It will never amount to anything except than what it is at the moment.

In a span of a heartbeat, you remembered how he told you to stop being stupid when you told him how you have been overanalyzing every single word that your friends and family had told you the day before. The judgmental looks your friends were throwing at you while they told you to cut him off of your life because this relationship will not amount to anything threw you off balance emotionally. The way your mom was shaking her head when you said you were thinking about having a family with him made you shrink even smaller than you already were deep inside. The obvious grimace that your sister threw your way did not miss the knife thrown right at your heart. Their words and reactions were eating you up.

But then, for a millisecond, your eyes stray back to the bed and you can see his peacefully sleeping form wrapped in the blankets that you have just taken off you… the same blankets he wrapped around you when you felt cold in the middle of the night… the same blankets that kept you warm when he thought that his body heat was not enough.

For a suspended second, you can see his silhouette illuminated by the dim glow of the lamp beside your bed. The same lamp which he always keeps on because he knows how much you hate being in the dark. The same lamp which he keeps on even when he knows he has a hard time falling asleep with it.

You remembered how he has been putting in so much effort and invested as much spare time that he could in this relationship. You close your eyes and you could still see him flashing his dimples at you as he walked towards you that one morning. He was carrying a lunchbox in his left hand and enveloped you in a tight hug when he got to you. Yes, that man just kept making you fall even more in love with him and you never forget to tell him so every single day you are together. “I thought you might be hungry since you didn’t actually have breakfast earlier today, babe,” he whispered and you just melted right there in his arms.

You did not just choose him for the grand things that he did for you. You did not just choose him for the bad days and down times. You did not just choose him because of what he could offer you or what he could become someday.

Of course, this is worth it, you decided. You chose him because his love for you rivals your own for him. You reminded yourself that you know this is worth it because no matter what people have said and will say about this, he will always be with you in every step of the way, and because what you have is so much more than just silly fights and judgmental eyes. What you have is worth fighting for.