It's that time of my life where basically I choose my path for my future. I do exams, see if I succeed and if not, I panic. I did not see the results yet but I'm hoping they are good. I don't know what I should do with my life. Don't get me wrong: I'm not a depressive teenager or maybe a little. But not in the bad way. I'm totally fine mentally, physically and even spiritually. The only thing is, I sometimes have the feeling of emptiness, of loss of words or answers. Of course I have my own complexes to go with it and what can I say? I'm 17 with a long life ahead.
The reason why I'm writing right now is because I see so many inspiring people who take chances, who succeed, who achieve something from the very bottom. And then I see the initiatives I've taken so far and the results I've had comparing to my expectations: I feel it rather disappointing.
In this short amount of time I have been, well, me; I've tried to break the walls I was always building in front of me. Walls meant for me to stop whatever I was supposed to do because it was way more comfortable back here.
At one point of my life, I realized that it was not at all comfort but more like sabotage. I was putting the biggest rock to my own foot because it 'felt better', because for 'people like me', that's how it was supposed to be. I remember once when I was maybe 7 years maybe less, I told to myself in the school bus: "If anyone sits next to you, you don't talk, you don't listen, you don't touch them, you don't look at them" I mean what is this? Dictatorship? Slavery? You name it.
But to less dramatize it, I was like this at school but I was easier with myself at home, because that place was heaven for me... when I was alone. Maybe it's a sign that I'm introvert, maybe I just don't like people (not true :D), I don't know but for a long time, I stressed myself out for literally the smallest things.
And I have so many flaws, things that I would just like to erase. But it's not that easy. So I guess my point is that even though I have so many questions in my head and even though I still have so many rocks in my path that are going to make me fall, I'm still going to survive in this jungle called life...
So let's start, shall we? (Insert energetic song of your choice :)