Hon:
Finish grading tests and loads of worksheets before Holiday break is like forcing devils to comply to whatever deeds you wanted; it takes forever!
While in the middle of complaining about my student’s bad math, my phone started ringing. It was an odd time to be receiving a call, it’s only 5:30pm. I know it can’t be Marcio because he’s still at work. And it can’t be work because I just left that damn place less than an hour ago. As soon as the monkey’s sounds started exploding pass the background music, I knew who it was right away, Momo!
“Yellow! How’s my monkey doing?” I asked, happy that he called since these papers were about to break me apart. It didn’t matter much, because just the presence of Momo can light up my day anytime. He knows me so well, way better than anyone else. Well, Marcio’s getting there but the experiences Momo and I been through can never be compared.
“It’s just Momo,” he said, and it snapped me out of my happiness. He’s voice is different from his usual tone. It’s not light, silly, annoying, and arrogant. It’s actually… sad… or was it just me?
“Momo,” I asked. “Are you alright? What’s the matter?” I have never heard Momo like this before. Well, since that unfaithful day when his father burned all of his things because of his sexuality. He came to my house, all ashed and burnt, tears tinting his face and body slumped. He became family since and the next year we both moved to college, his further than mine, probably to get away from his family that decided to not love him anymore. Well, they never loved him to begin with.
“I want to quit,” he said, still sad, reminding me of that day again.
After calming down and cleaned up, he finally told me what happened, including that he was burnt because of his attempt to commit suicide, but he stopped when he thought of me then came to me. I would never ever abandon him, he’s family for as long as he live, rather he likes it or not.
I attempt at a laugh that came out nervously. “What do you mean? You have enough experiences to get into any job you want. I’m sure you’ll be ok.”
“Hon,” he said. “Don’t you ever just want to quit? Have you ever been forced into a corner with nothing but everything to lose and just don’t want to see it lost but rather not see it at all? Have you ever just want to quit life?”
I was trying to revere the question to be about his job, but my hunch was right. It’s his stupid suicidal self, gone for a decade and now back. Asshole!
“Asshole,” I said my thought outloud. “What are you talking about?”
Suddenly he laughed, almost sounded force but sad, “Hon! I want ice cream. And my place’s empty and lonely tonight. Come join me, please?” His voice sounded lighter but still, I know him way longer than anyone else. I can still hear the sadness of it.
“Ok,” I said as I stood up and grab my keys. “I’m coming with Pecan ice cream. Don’t you dare do anything stupid.”
“You better hurry,” he said. “Or else you won’t know.”
“Asshole!” I shouted before he end the call.
I rushed to the door and opened it to almost slam Narciso in the face.
“Whoa!” he shouted as he moved aside.
“Narciso?” I looked at him confuse. What is he doing here?
He looked at me more confused than I am at him.
“What are you doing here?” I finally find the voice to asked him.
He looked at me longer before saying, “Marcio invited me for dinner. Remember?”
Oh, right. “Today is saturday, is it?” He nodded. I looked at my phone then at my car then at Narciso. “Sorry! I have an emergency. Please tell Marcio, and you two can go ahead and eat dinner without me. Make yourself at home.” I dash to my car before Narciso can ask questions. I can’t waste time, who knows what a stupid asshole like Momo would do in the 20 minutes drive to get ice cream then to his house.
I ringed the bell twice before Momo opened his door. Something definitely happened. Momo’s all out of his usual self, he’s pale and his clothing are off in the sense that tonight is a saturday night; he looks like he’s ready for a comfortable night instead of his usual party night.
“Hey,” I said as I held up the ice cream. “Four box of Pecan ice cream. What’s up?” The only time we ever eat ice cream together was whenever a boyfriend breaks up with me. He never argue with me, he just sit next to me and talk to me or listen to me ramble on as we eat ice cream.
“Come on in,” he said with a smile, a smile that shouldn’t belong to such an arrogant person’s face, it isn’t fitful; it’s too depressing of a smile.
“What’s the matter?” I asked as I close the door. As soon as the door closed, he turned to me and wrapped me in a bear hug as if to answer my question. I’ve always like it that Momo was bigger than me, so then he can protect me and make sure those heartbreakers stay away but at the same time, snuggle with me and make my heart heal. “Momo?”
His arm wrapped me closer and then his body shook. It was so bizarre, it was like catching glimpse of a choir student doing the problem right the first try. My arms let go of the ice creams, they clattered to the floor, and embrace him as well.
His snobs started coming and I have to rub his back, like he did to me long ago with all those heartbreaks, saying, “Shh. It’ll be alright. I’m here now.”
“Hon,” he said but his voice broke in between snobs. “I’m - “
“Shh,” I said as tears swelled up in my own eyes. “You don’t have to say anything right now. It’ll be alright. Just keep crying. It’ll heal, I promise.”
As his tears falls onto my shoulder and back and drenched it, I realized this is his first heartbreak. I wonder who did it. Who in the world can possibly hurt someone that isn’t scare to fuck a girl’s, or guy even, boyfriend and bat no guilt? Who in the world can possibly hurt someone who isn’t scare to stand in front of his own neglectful family and turned away without a second of hesitation of having no one? Who in the world can possibly hurt someone that is so fierce and arrogant enough to quit his job three times in less than half a year and still have the face to tell CEO that they suck at their jobs? Who in the world can possibly hurt someone that isn’t afraid to be himself regardless of anything?
Who in the world dare to hurt my Momo?
Narciso:
“Where’s Hon?” my brother asked as he saw that I was the one to open the door.
“She left about an hour ago,” I said. “She said she had an emergency and then left telling me to make myself at home and to have dinner without her. So I cooked.”
He looked at me for a little while before entering the house and throwing his suitcase on one of the sofas. “An emergency?”
“Yeah,” I answered him. “She was in such a hurry, I got worried.”
“No need to be worried,” Marcio said as he pulled his tie off and throw it on the sofa’s hand. “She’s fine.”
“Are you sure? She looked very worried.“
“It’s just Momo,” Marcio said it like it really was nothing.
“Momo?”
“Yeah,” he took a seat at the table. “Whenever Momo calls her or she calls him, they call the situation an emergency. It’s nothing but just them confiding in each other. They’ll be fine.”
I didn’t know what to say. What happened to Momo? The last time I saw him was last night when I told him to leave me alone after breaking my heart the fifth time.
“That wife,” Marcio looked like he was staring far away rather than staring at the window, “and her best friend are so close, I swear they are sleeping together.”
“You know that’s not true,” I don’t even know why I am defending him, except that I hate it when brother make wrong assumptions about Momo. “You know very well that Montrell only sleeps with guys.”
“Honoree told me,” Marcio said as he look at me in the eyes. “Montrell started with girls but stopped after he did it with a guy. You can’t be sure.”
“I did it with him,” I reminded my brother. “And my couple firsts were girls too.”
“You’re just confuse,” Marcio said.
“That’s not true,” I countered. “Momo might be an evil person sleeping with other’s guy and even husbands with no care, but he isn’t the type to sleep with his only friend and family.”
Marcio looked at me and I realized that he knew what I said was right as his hateful eyes for Montrell disappeared. But somehow I can’t help but realized that he might have knew a story I didn’t know from Honoree. A story Montrell wasn’t keen enough to tell me himself. He only told me that the only family he has is Hon when I asked who his parents were.
“I know. I’m just mad that she’ll choose him instead of me after all these times. It was a dinner planned for weeks, how could she forgotten?” Marcio sighed, it sounded so different from his usual hating-Momo self.
“Do you like him?” the question coming from my brother’s mouth was more of a surprised. When I didn’t answer, he asked again. “Narciso, do you like Montrell?”
I looked down at my feet. “What’s good in it when he doesn’t even like me back?”
“So you do like him?”
“Marcio,” I looked at my brother. “He don’t want a monogamous relationship, even if I die for him.”
“So you wanna die for him?”
I don’t answer him.
“You love him, don’t you?”
I sighed. “Will you even believe me?”
“You haven’t even tell me anything, my little brother.”
“I love him,” the words came out so quick, it was almost embarrassing to admit something like this to your older brother. “I want to spend my life with him, even if you don’t accept us. I want to… I want to be with him, Marcio.” Then I looked away. “But it’s different to him. He can’t love me the way I love him.”
“And that is bad?” he asked.
“Yes it is,” I said. “I can’t share my love to him when he can’t even keep his hands to himself. He don’t even - “
“Narciso,” my brother cutting me off was a first. He always listen to me, even that first time I told him that I slept with Momo and loved it. “You’re confusing some things here.”
Confused, I asked him, “What do you mean?”
“Love,” he looks at me, “isn’t always the same. He don’t have to love you the same way you love him.” When he saw that I was still confuse, he continued. “See, I love Hon. I want to spend every day with her, yet she seem to want to spend every single days of her life with Momo, a more fun version of spending times with me. But she’s completely committed to me. She knows I hate Momo, and that nickname as well, but she loves the anger and is never afraid to express her feelings to me as well. I may not always be her top priority where Momo is, but in her eyes of love, I am the only one.”
I have never really thought of it that way before.
“Why do you think Hon, gosh I hate that nickname as well, and me are still so strong together? We have our own ways of loving each other,” Marcio smiled, a warm smile that my brother have not express since the death of our parents. “And sometimes, war may break in the house, but in the end of the day, it’s the different ways that we love each other that always bring us together.”
I just stood there. I want Momo to love me endlessly like I love him, yet I have never ever consider that he probably does love me too as he admitted, but in his own ways.
In ways that I failed to see.