I saw her in my dreams, again.
The recurring dreams about her haven't stopped; Instead they have aggravated since I returned much of her stuff to her parents. All they could do was cry. I really didn't know what to tell them- I had more questions than answers to everything they wanted to know.
You know, moving on is tough. You live with a person for about two years and then suddenly things change.
So before I continue, let me tell you- I AM GAY.
Yes, a homosexual. Neither do my parents don't know about this nor do her parents. And I don't even want the world to know this.
My first realisation of this sexual orientation came into light when I had a crush on a boy at school. It was new, I felt different, not like the other boys who were talking about the girls all the time.
Anyway, I knew it all along. But the day I married Priya, that is when things changed.
Now a small story:
That day I was told that I am being taken to see a girl. I felt dejected. Because all along I knew that they wouldn't accept me as their son if I revealed my sexuality. So I decided to play along.
After all the chatter (Where do I work, how much do I earn, where should we be settling if a marriage is to happen, etc.) she was called.
Priya wasn't exceptionally great looking, but she had sharp features.
"Let you both talk alone now" my dad claimed looking at Priya.
She took me to the balcony.
Awkward silence. Very much awkward indeed.
"I like somebody else" she said, not even looking at me once, "I beg you to let me down. My family isn't approving my relationship with the man I love".
I looked at her. She didn't even look at me once during the whole conversation.
"Well, honestly" I muttered with courage, "I am playing along too".
Although she didn't turn her face around, I could see her lips curve upwards a bit.
"If no choice I will play long too" she said "I hope we can keep playing along for long".
"I guess that is completely fine".
The marriage was finalised.
So yes, I am gay and she was in love with another man.
Yes, even I didn't know the same until a month back.
On the night of the marriage she had asked me why was I playing along and whether I had another girl in my life.
"Will you tell anyone?".
"No. You aren't telling my part of the story then why should I".
"Promise me you wouldn't hate me for the reason".
"Yes. I promise".
"I am gay".
The shock was visible in her eyes. She was dumbfounded. I guess it took her more than half an hour to recover, after that she did come in terms with the whole situation.
"You are letting me live my own life" she said, "I guess you must also live yours as per your rules".
"So we have a deal?" I smirked.
"Against the society's rules" she smiled.
Now back to the dreams..
So yes, we spent two year together. I kept on looking for a suitable partner and she kept visiting her lover. We were staying in an apartment in the city while our parents were back home.
She became a teacher at a local school after five months of moving in.
Life was normal.
We weren't oblivious to each other's lives. She would tell me about her lover and I would tell her the things I had to go through to get one and so on.
It was all going good. Until two months ago.
She came home that day with smudged eyes- I did know something was wrong.
She wasn't ready to tell me why.
I was out for my night shift that day.
The next day there are people surrounded by the door and there were policemen too.
They found her in the bathroom- with slashed wrists.
I immediately regretted going for work.
My heart felt heavy. Although we didn't have a romantic connection, we were great friends. Two years and in one night everything changed. I stood by the window while I convinced myself that this wasn't real. I didn't want to see her- not atleast in that state.
She promised to keep my secret to her grave while I promised to keep hers. I didn't want to tell the police her secret and if I told them mine, I would be in jail.
That was the day I decided to investigate her death myself.
Fast forward two days.
So two days after her death I got a call on the landline. It was funny because the landline never rang. I was home around that time so picked it up.
"Hello?".
"Hello. This is going to be a short call. There is a diary under the mattress. That diary is Priya's death" the voice said.
Beep.
The phone was cut.
Priya's death was her diary. And the diary was under the mattress.
(To be continued)