Oh Jyotsna, behold.
As I write this letter to you today, let me tell you, I am trying to take up writing not only as a hobby but as a side profession, unlike you. I know you always wanted to do the same but never had the courage, but I have the courage to do so, now.
I know how you laced around those beautiful dreams of being like your father- a top notch scientist with a PhD in Physics, I know you want to be a part of your parents' dreams, want to live life safe like your parents. But somewhere Jyotsna, somewhere, you knew you want to take risks.
The people around you must be dictating what should you do, when should you do it and how should you be following societal obligations.
They will soon tell you how one should be proud of their roots and culture that they should be able to embrace what is theirs and nothing other than that.
But you know you are better than that.
You know that you want to try something new. And at the first instance you must have failed, failed miserably.
You decided to take science. Now that wasn't a drastic step, I know, but that wasn't even the greatest things of all time.
I won't say what you did was a recepie for disaster but it wasn't even a recepie that would make you run along the gardens that gave you honey and chocolates.
It was a neutral decision, I must say. For in our country, children as young as thirteen are put into institutions for getting into engineering such that getting into the course is the only aim of their life.
Oh, but let me tell you, I like the decision of taking up science. Science gave me confidence, it will give you confidence. Science is like that mainstream thing everyone seems to enjoy but it is the only field that articulates curiosity and learning. Science makes you think otherwise.
Moving on, please don't fret at the sight of your love life. Good things are in store, and you will learn valuable lessons finding the partner that fits your jigsaw piece in this whole puzzle.
On the same note, stop thinking what others think about you. Stop it for once and for all.
They weren't there when you fell into unwanted, unusual situations. So they don't know.
About the bullies. I know you were bullied and you are still being bullied, but you will soon come out of it as a stronger individual- the one who doesn't like to see anybody getting bullied and will stop any injustice that unfolds in front of your eyes.
Bullying will make you more empathetic, and you will embrace the experience and thank those bullies, for they showed you how mean the world could be.
Life is this learning curve, learning from your experience. Yes, you have made se bad choices (even good ones) and you will make some more bad life choices (a few more good ones too). But you will learn through experience.
Remember I mentioned about the jigsaw piece and the puzzle? The puzzle is called life. It is eternal.
You keep learning as you grow. You keep learning how to read people, how to get the right partner, how to manage those heartbreaks and most importantly how to be your own fucking self and embrace it.
So hang in there and enjoy this wonderful thing called life.
"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man."
~ Heraclitus
Love,
Your elder self-
Joee