She is the first person who showed kindness to me through my entire twenty years of existence in this world. She might or might have not known that I am secretly loving her for sixteen years now.
I tried to express my feelings to her in ways that I know but she remained blind for my actions or maybe that’s just how I see it. I tried confessing to her a lot of times but I just can’t say the exact words. Last week I was planning on confessing again and finally tell her the three sweet words “ I Love You” but the words that came out of my mouth is “ I love……….. to eat ice cream” so she bought me ice cream instead. Nothing is new. This always happens when she began to lay her eyes on me. I became speechless and a coward. But yesterday was different. I am perfectly sure that I have all the courage I would ever need so looked for her just to say those three words that took me sixteen years to finally say.
I ran across the road, down to river where we used to play as children but I still couldn’t find her. I search every alley where she might be sitting in the corner silently writing but she was not there. Then when somebody told me where she is, the heavens has fallen into my fragile shoulder…
I can’t stop my tears from coming out. I even find it difficult for breathing and it feels like my heart is being shredded in to pieces. She is ……………………………. Dying. Before I could make it beside her bed she has already given me her last smile. A smile full of disappointment; a smile followed by the slow closing of her eyes. I fell through my knees and silently cursed my self for being a coward as tears flooded my soul. I lost her. I lost the only girl I’ve ever love.
The only that I am certain from now on is that I will never be able to forget her. For a man’s first love always follows him to his grave. Until the day we meet again I will make sure to straightly confess my feelings to you.
If we can’t be together in this world, I hope we will in the AFTERLIFE.