DAY 1
"Its over" , he said.
its --- what?
but wait, why?
how come?
why so soon?
I thought we're alright, I thought we're doing fine?
Isn't my love enough?
Am I not enough?
Dumbfounded, confused, and hurting.
so many questions, so many whys.
But words aren't coming out, only tears and a breaking heart.
Selfish is the one you love,
stupid is the person you will still love even after this night.
Selfish, stupid, as he started to turn his back and take a step away.
And your world, though falling apart finally had the courage to ask.
"What made you want to leave? Are you tired of me? or have you found someone else?" oh your brave soul, must be ready for an answer.
"Both" said he.
---
DAY 2
Starry night,
deafening silence,
and a crying heart.
Isn't it perfect?
You laughed, but bitterly.
Hasn't it sunk in yet?
That he left, and that you're alone?
Haven't you knew what they might be doing?
under the stars and the moon,
their kisses making noise,
their hearts jumping off their shirts.
Aren't they perfect?
You laughed.
You laughed and cried.
Maybe it did sank.
but unfortunately, it sunk too deep,
a little deeper than you imagined,
and now its creating cuts underneath your flesh.
Ohhh, let it sink once more,
that he left you,
and you're alone and lonely,
but he is not.
---
DAY 3
It was supposed to be a good day
with sunshine and a coffee
its warm outside, but you're unhappy.
Tell me who can appreciate a fine weather when there were storms inside your soul?
Tell me who can manage to smile like the sun when you feel too sad, and can't even think straight?
Tell me who will enjoy the coffee and call it a good day when the person you thought was your sun decided not to shine for the rest of your days?
And tell me who won't get their heart broken after the love of your life walked away with no intentions of coming back?
Well, I'll tell you, I'm sure, that person is not you.
So go and allow yourself to be sad,
and call this day bad
soak your bed with your tears
and cry all day long under your blanket.
Cry hard, it's okay not to be fine.
---
DAY 4
Its the fourth day but the weight of the broken pieces that you carry are only becoming heavier.
And it gets worse everytime you remember how it used to be so fine and simple,
that the last time,
he was still there and his smiles that gave you strength.
As usual, your eyes and your heart is crying as you reached for another box of tissue beside your bed,
when you saw your phone and grabbed it too.
Your best friend calling you a hundred times, worried and sad
but the only voice you wanted to hear was his.
No doubts, nor hesitations,
you pressed the call button beside his name and it rang.
Your heart was racing as you paced back and forth trying to structure a good paragraph of why he should come home to you.
I'll be better, I'll do things better
If you'd like it, I'd kiss you harder
I'll make it up to you,
tell me what to change, so you'll choose me too.
You set your hopes too high and I cannot imagine how much it hurts
when a voice on the other line says "hello?"
unfamilar,
not his',
probably the other girl he told you he's in love with.
---
DAY 5
Its midnight and the trees asked you if you wanted to dance.
While the world is turning upside down,
you said yes and the leaves took your hand.
Broken and drunk,
dance and cry your heart out.
Bottles of beers and tequila are lying on this street --- lonely and as empty as you.
And you were screaming,
you were dancing,
and laughing and crying.
As wasted as your soul, you tried to savour this misfortune.
"This is useless," you thought. "I am useless"
and you cried a little harder.
You knew it,
tomorrow when you're sober,
and until forever,
its him, and never another.
---
DAY 6
"How do I live without you?"
"Just breathe", he said, and again, he left.
As fast as your tears racing, you chase him and grabbed his arm, asking for another try.
" What is it that makes me less than enough?"
He remained silent, seems that he has made up his mind;
He is not coming back.
You plead, down on your knees,
but to no avail.
I pity you, my darling,
it saddens me how could you love that hard and give all of that in your heart to him, while you can't even love yourself enough to realize things.
How could a diamond like you beg for a stone to stay?
How could someone whose heart is as soft as yours need to love someone who has it stone cold?
But its getting colder now in this once warm place that witnessed your love.
And there's nothing you can do but to sit there and look at the skies,
your knees and your heart bruised,
Oh darling, tell yourself,
remind yourself,
he is not coming back.
---
DAY 7
It hurts, and it will continue to hurt,
but my darling, please remember its alright.
I beg you not to beg for love,
just let it come, and let it go.
Darling, just let him go.
You can start burning his pictures,
you can put away the things that reminds you of him.
And never forget its okay to be sad,
to stare at blankness as the moon shines through your windows.
shhh, I know that it hurts,
it hurts so bad your tears cannot stop.
But tomorrow when you wake up,
please appreciate the sun as it shines,
its a new day,
you'll be fine soon,
someday, someday.
---
DAY 8
"Its over" his voice echoed in your ears as you passed by the park where he said you the very same words.
And you realized, indeed its over.
Gone are the days where you have to cherish his fake love,
you no longer have to pretend everything's fine, that you both will make it to forever.
You don't need to do your best to make it work,
You don't have to do the things he wants you to, so he would stay, so you can hold him a little closer
You can stop risking your heart, only to have it back all broken and bruised.
You are now free from his broken promises,
his sugar coated words, his lies, from his foolishness and stupidity.
Darling, claim it!
Grab this pain and call it a freedom.
Gone are the days you have to fight for love,
You don't have to settle for something you don't deserve.
Remember. Please remember
"Its over"
---
DAY 9
Its a new day,
the sun wakes you up through your windows,
its another day, and you are well, able and alive,
so never mind your breaking heart.
Look around you and see how perfect the skies, and realize the feeling of blues isn't only just sad, but also wonderful.
See the sun as it shines,
still strong despite being alone,
and my darling please know you can do the same.
Hear the birds as they sing you a song, he might not be here to sing your favorites,
but these birds are cute, please appreciate them too.
Now look at the mirror and smile.
Tell yourself you have seen so much beauty.
Tell that person in the mirror its not her loss, but rather a gain.
Stand up, and smile, my strong warrior.
Smile, smile.
you are so beautiful,
regardless of being broken,
regardless of being alone.
So smile and fight,
love and be grateful,
for its a new day,
and you are able, well and alive.
---
DAY 10
You walk alone in this hallway that once witnessed how you both screamed,
both frustrated and hearts filled with hatred than love,
And you looked back how each words cut your flesh,
invisible, yet too much to bear.
Look how peaceful it is now that you're alone.
Remember how he lied, how he made you a fool by making you believe that he's as faithful as you are. Remember how he twisted the stories so you'll never leave.
Look how true and pure your life now that you're alone.
Realize how wonderful it is to be free from a love that you have forced all your life,
Isn't it good to spend time with your self and love you the way you wanted him to?
Look how amazing it is now that you're alone.
do you see it now?
You're better without his fake love, you're better when you're alone.
---
DAY 11
The stars shine brightly tonight,
reminding you of the dreams you once had together.
Wedding by the beach,
Traveling the world,
building a home,
and a perfect marriage.
But oh these stars remind you too that he's watching it with another girl tonight.
You looked up the skies and you realized still, its shining bright.
Just like before, when he was still yours.
And darling you're right.
Its never too late
to start again,
to dream again.
Whisper it in your heart,
inhale. exhale.
and be patient, better things are coming now.
---
DAY 12
Its a tiring day,
you went home so maybe you could forget the world and fall asleep,
but the ones caught your eyes are the letters,
pictures, broken frames,
and roses that withered long before he chose to leave,
the memories scattered on your floor,
in your bed and the ones pinned in the wall
And the world turned in slow motion,
like the first time you met him,
and the moments he smiled.
But now it slows down so you could savor the moment,
for you to pick the pieces,
and pull them close to your chest,
But unlike those any other nights you don't have to sleep with it in your bed,
pick them one by one, and put them in a box,
Name it
not after his name, but after the love and the memories --- Tainted.
Now get up, and assemble your heart too,
Its alright to be broken, but that doesn't mean you stay like that,
No, darling. No.
---
DAY 13
Suns up, and its warmth is inviting you to a trip to the mountains,
coffee and chill,
fresh air and simplicity.
Oh life,
what a long long ride it has been,
long years of loving the wrong,
and a very long time of trying to make it right.
You sipped your coffee and sighed.
How can I ever make things right?
How can I make me right?
How do I make myself feel alright?
Sigh.
A very deep sigh.
There were questions inside you,
negativities, sad thoughts, and loneliness.
and slowly, you have learned to breathe them out of your system,
accepting only what is right for you.
And what is right is forgiveness, acceptance, letting go, and self love.
What is right is starting over,
forgetting what wad behind,
moving few steps farther,
and wishing for the better.
(and not coming back)
Darling, sipped your coffee,
be glad.
And please do make it right,
make you right,
make yourself feel alright,
by accepting only what is right.
---
DAY 14
"Are you already okay?" , Your best friend asked you as she sipped her tea on this newly opened shop in town. Its a good place, there's a lot of people walking in the street, and there are restaurants, and shops, and everything, everyone just feels so alive.
"I think I am", though you can't deny that the ghosts of your past still haunt you not only in your sleep, but the fact that you're moving a little away from these shits is a good thing.
Atleast, I'm not anymore crying myself to sleep,
nor hear my hearts break inside.
I am well, I am so well now.
And true indeed,
you're starting over,
trying to stitch your own heart and fixing your own crown.
"Then why are you crying now?"
You can't. You can't just hold it in,
the needles you used for stitching now stabbing your heart, and out of nowhere there were arrows and knives striking in it too,
one by one, and all at the same time.
It's over, you two are over.
But the pain's not yet done.
"I saw him, holding her hand, and kissing her there" just in the restaurant across the street.
---
DAY 15
Its unfair.
You repeatedly uttered while you're soaking your bed again with your own tears.
How can he smile like that?
how can he laugh like that?
how can he stare at her like that?
how can he glow so much, look so happier,
how can he be someone who you've never seen before?
He looks better.
He look so good that you can't even help but to fall in love all over and over again, deeper, and wider.
The love grows again, but so as the pain, so as the hatred, and loneliness and tge existence of questions---
Why her? why not me?
when I was there all along,
I was the one who loved you so hard that I forgot to love my self,
I was the one who kept choosing you, only to realize I was just an option
I was the one who would do everything, every fcking thing just for you to be happy, just to see you smile way she does.
But you're not her, and never will be.
Its unfair.
the person you love may leave and never come back,
but the feelings, and the love,
it remains the same.
---
DAY 16
"Do you remember?" its 2 am and your brain keep asking you about the things you've been dying to forget.
And those are the moments you and your heart still treasure.
Yes, you still remember.
How can you ever forget?
The first day you first met him at school.
the hellos that soon ended in goodbyes.
Long sweet messages, flowers,
chocolates and poetries.
The first kiss at the park,
and the wild ones in bed.
The i love you's and I hate you's
Slow dances under the moon,
and the deep talks and dreams.
Everything you shared under the sun and the rain.
How could you ever forget?
Can I ever forget it?
How it was so simple,
yet full of love, full of dreams and sunshines and lies and betrayal.
Of course.
Its him that I love the most,
and the one I will still love,
though I wanted to stop,
but still.
Still its him that I wanted to love.
For a lifetime.
Forever (and a few days more)
"Do you remember?"
How can I ever forget?
---
DAY 17
The stars falling in the sky tonight,
falling to your shoulders, one by one, and all at once.
Isn't it heavy?
yes, it is. But its nothing compared to the weight of your heart.
And Here we go again.
Here we go with our crying sessions at midnight,
our questions and what ifs and all of those that would only drown your heart.
And as much as how you tried to swim to the shore of moving on,
But you still haven't seen one.
its still a vast ocean, with waves you can't even fight.
and amidst everything you can't help but to ask.
If I ever tried harder,
fought harder and held you even closer,
will things change?
Can I still have your heart?
---
DAY 18
It's stupid.
It's crazy.
and It's a shame to find yourself right here again.
Crying yourself to sleep,
Eating lesser,
and not doing the things that you love.
And I think its sad to look at the stars in a beautiful night sky and see sadness, and pain and wish for stupid things --
wishes like him kissing you, holding your hand, loving you and only you for the rest of his life.
But fight still, and fight all of the pain.
Gather all your strength and stand up again.
For not all times that the night skies are starry and wonderful.
Sometimes, it rains.
Sometimes, no matter how far you've moved already,
you always find yourself coming back,
And all you need to do, is hold on.
Oh darling. hold a little more longer.
---
DAY 19
2 am and the rest of the world is sleeping and dreaming.
And there's you, dreaming too,
yet wild awake.
Travel around the world,
take good pictures of wonderful sceneries,
taste good food, and his lips.
Build a beautiful house,
and a home,
filled with children and dogs.
And watch the stars falling
as you both grow old together.
Its sweet, isn't it?
Your tears fell,
you realized its another kind of sweet
Darling, Its bitter sweet.
and though it tastes like it you cannot help but to still feel and savour it in your thoughts.
These dreams,
will be just like those other dreams kept in a cabinet,
dreams screaming to fly but are meant to be imprisoned in a cell called memories of a beautiful past.
My darling its okay,
allow them to haunt you in your sleep,
allow them to keep you awake.
---
DAY 20
You turned your back,
and you found yourself running towards the direction that he told you he'd be taking.
You kept running and running and you stumbled.
Your body filled with bruise, and cuts and wounds,
your knees are weaker,
your body is tired.
But not your heart.
And you kept going,
kept running after that love that's long gone.
kept on hoping that maybe one day he'd realize you're still the one,
still, you're wishing and praying for his return.
And there he goes,
kissing the same girl with passion in his heart,
loving her the way you craved for so long ---
And it hits you,
you may ran miles and miles,
or do shits that he may like,
But his heart is hard to please,
unless for the one it desires.
---
DAY 21
What would you do now?
Now that you have found out that theres not even 1 percent of possibility for him to return?
You had your knees bended on the very same ground where he left you,
and its a shame that after all those days, you still haven't moved yet.
After all the struggles and efforts to forget,
you're still stuck on the same circle you cannot escape.
You're still hurting.
You're still crying.
You're still wishing for stupid things.
You're still hoping its you and him at the end of it all.
Maybe now you should stop pretending.
Maybe now you should start accepting whats meant to be.
On your bended knees,
you prayed for His guidance.
Take away this pain,
Take away the bitterness,
take away the sadness,
and never mind the questions and dreams.
Its never too late,
to try again,
to start over and over and over again.
This time, not alone,
but with God.
---
DAY 22
So here you are again.
Repeating the process,
telling yourself things you wished you could just easily believe.
There you are under the moon and the stars,
now alone and still lonely.
But trying so hard to get through it all,
Trying to be strong and be brave despite the things life throws.
But in the midst of silence and darkness of the night,
your heart whispers.
I love you.
I am here.
I will never leave.
And you realized,
indeed, you lost him.
But you gained something better.
You gained yourself.
And just like how the moon gives light to this darkness,
it gave you hope.
Take it slow, take it slower,
All will be over soon, all will be well,
My darling, hold on,
you'll be happier again.
---
DAY 23
It was just about a minute that the summer rain has stopped,
and the sun's up there, shining, smiling to you again.
There were rainbows, a sign of new hope, new life and a new beginning.
You smiled back,
as you cleaned up the mess on your table and in your heart.
It wasn't easy,
and the struggles you're facing are indeed so real.
But never mind,
For everyone's fighting their own battle too.
And everyone's trying their best to survive.
So listen up, my strong, brilliant warrior.
I want you to know that I am proud of you.
I am proud to see you standing after you have fallen countless times,
despite the bruises, the broken pieces and the baggages you carried,
you have fought and will continue to fight for yourself.
I am proud to see you now,
smiling and trying harder to take a step,
trying your best to move,
and to let go.
I am proud that you gave time to yourself, and let your bed soaked with your tears, I am proud that you embraced the sadness, and the pain.
I am very proud of you.
Now that you have realized how things should be,
of how you should be---
Strong.
Wise.
Brave.
I know your heart's not happy yet,
but I know that just like the sun,
shining and glowing brightly in the sky,
being alone, will never again matter to you.
---
DAY 24
My darling, you've been busy lately.
Meeting new friends and Hanging out with the old but gold ones,
exploring places, enjoying wonderful views,
and breathing positivy in your system.
And hey! you look better!
You look prettier when you smiled while you're fighting your battles and the loneliness.
I liked how optimistic you are today,
thanking the sun for the sunshine,
and the trees for the shades they offer.
I loved to see you going out again,
enjoying life, embracing freedom,
and chasing the clouds.
And I am happy that you have looked around.
You saw your family, who took care of you, who protected you,
Your friends who were there all along,
your pet for wagging his tail, cheering you up,
Above all, there's God and His plans.
They, whose happiness is to see you smile.
And you smiled more often.
Not the fake ones you used to have days before,
but the smiles of gratefulness and feelings of love.
Oh my dear, I thank heaven that you have realized it now,
that love isn't just romantic,
and never will be only romantic.
Louder! Shout it at the rooftops,
"I am loved"
---
DAY 25
It has been a long journey, my darling.
And ahead is a longer way of so much joy and love.
Hear me when I say the baggages you carry in your shoulders will only delay the things that you deserve to have.
Happiness, freedom, and sanity.
And as you untangle yourself from the ties of the past,
the weight that you carry will only make it harder for you to move.
So let go of them too.
Hatred,
Pain,
Regrets,
and the negative energies.
Let go and forgive him for what he has done.
and slowly, forget how he did you wrong.
Forgive yourself too.
Forgive yourself for allowing you to be hurt, for failing to protect your heart.
Now Focus on that road youre taking,
focus on whats about to come,
Move, my darling. Move your feet and walk away,
better things are coming on your way.
---
DAY 26
The night is silent, but the voice and the remnants of the memories you shared with him isn't.
It was close to perfection,
the only kind of love you wanted for the rest of your life.
If only he loved you the same way.
But darling he didn't.
Cause all along there's someone else.
And you smiled,
and hope reflected in your eyes.
You look back on how you fought too,
and there are still more battles to come,
But you are here, standing proud of how far you've moved.
This is not to life you dreamed,
this is not the life you dreamed with him,
but your heart screms this is all you need and your system agrees.
You're smiles are wider, my darling.
You're too beautiful, in case you didn't know.
You listened to the silence of the night and the voices of the memories.
"these moments won't happen again"
it whispered.
And wholeheartedly, you braced it.
and let it sink in your heart.
Acceptance.
Acceptance is a great part of this journey.
And yes, those might not happen again,
his arms might not be there anymore to be called your home,
But you are your own home now.
And acceptance make it sound better.
---
DAY 27
"Hey, I still love you. Please come back"
what? what did he just say?
Its not real. its not real.
"I realized things, and I can't lose you" , he continued.
So I guess you're right, this is real.
And you're not imagining things.
For the nth time, you turned your back to see his face,
his eyes looked at you,
shining, glimmering, waiting for a reply.
I asked you to stay, countless times before,
I even begged for you not to leave.
You have chosen this life, and from afar I have seen you have enjoyed it while I'm gone --- while I was stuck in the four corners of my room, dreaming for you to return.
"I'm sorry, I'm done choosing you", was all he heared from you.
And you walked away,
My darling, you see?
your heart is the happiest today!
You have spent most of your life choosing the wrong people,
defending their names,
fooling yourself as they fool you too.
You braced yourself as you walk home,
You had no one, you don't have him,
But at least, you have you.
---
DAY 28
For long months, you have imprisoned yourself in a cage he called his love -- and all your life you believed it was nothing but true and pure.
There were times that you wanted to fly, but u sit and stayed as if you didn't knew that the keys are kept in your pocket.
You cannot leave, for that was once your home,
your comfort zone.
But now that the cage itself revealed its true identity,
and for the past few days you have learned how to fly.
You have seen that it was good.
it feels way better than the days he was there.
And you continued to do things that you love,
Travel.
Read.
Write.
Imagine.
and Live.
You stepped out of your comfort zone,
and bravely do the things you never thought you could do.
Facing your fears,
and living life without him.
Oh my darling, you're doing great.
You're almost there, please keep moving,
And remember, you don't deserve cages.
---
DAY 29
You can see the horizons,
and the blue skies turning into pink,
You can hear,
The birds as they sing,
and the waves as they crash to the shore
You can talk to your favorite people,
and taste good food,
You can smell the scent of love scattered in the air,
And you can feel,
My darling, you can laugh
And you are breathing.
You have the people that love you dearly,
God, your family, and real friends.
You have people willing to listen,
willing to understand and willing to care.
And my darling, I am glad that you recognized,
that it is enough.
You carry so much love in your heart,
and now you're giving that love back to the world,
Indeed, you deserve everything that you have now,
you don't need much,
you don't need more than just real love and peace.
And youur heart, once scattered and crushed
now beating,
beating loud and clear for you.
making the traces of the past no longer painful.
For there is light,
There is hope,
Happiness, endless joy,
and love for what is here and what is to come.
Your heart, so strong and brave,
now happy and contented
---
DAY 30
You streched your arms and got up from bed.
"Good morning, sunshine"
and you flashed your brightest smile.
You made your self your favorite coffee and reminisced.
You laughed as you remembered how you begged for a love that was less than this moment.
I was once stupid.
You have done so much,
You loved too hard,
You cared too much.
And you were badly hurt.
But you learned.
You became strong.
And you realized,
How brave you are,
how precious you are,
and how you worth.
After the sleepless nights,
the lonlely mornings,
and crying sessions
There you are,
so beautiful and proud.
The memories no longer hurt,
nor haunts you in your sleep.
But It was not left forgotten, it was treasured.
For it is a part of you,
A reason for your being.
And all you are is thankful and grateful,
If it wasn't for the pain,
If it wasn't for the broken pieces,
If it wasn't for him leaving you,
You never could have been this better.
You never could have been this great.
Thank you for fighting,
Thank you for surviving.
You smiled,
and theres nothing in your heart but happiness,
There's so much that you have learned,
"But the most important thing," you said to yourself,
"is nothing but self-love".
•••