We became best friends, we told each other everything, we laughed at the same things, yet we could also have serious conversations.. What hurts most now is reminiscing about all those talks we had about our future together.. How our lives would be together.. Moving out, Planning trips... just sharing our lives together... We often bought each other cute gifts and wrote each other the sweetest letters.. By then i was 22 and she was 28.. So many of my "fist times" were with her.. When it came to food, traveling, concerts, just always trying new things.. She taught me so much, and i fell completely and utterly in LOVE, my every text in the morning was to her, my every thought throughout the day was her, my every text before bed was to her.. There was never a shortage of me telling her how much i loved and adored her, and how lucky i was to be with her.. She did the same to me, we were two peas in a pod.. We went to family events, we were all just one big happy family, i was always included in her family gatherings.. It was by far the best relationship i had ever been in.. Birthdays and Christmas's were the best.. We always knew exactly what to get each other, we always paid attention to what we both said we wanted.. We always made sure to make every waking moment special..
Until this day it breaks my heart to know that things change, that things dont stay the same for ever, that the spark that once became fire, slowly begins to disappear, that we begin to get too comfortable and we kind of lose interest.. That some of the things that used to once be cute, become annoying and not as cute anymore.. Time has a way of doing that.. Any one who has been in a long term relationship knows it happens, it's just a matter of how you handle it as a couple... How strong the bond and love is... And if it can withstand the ups and downs.. That's what happened to us.. Things got rough, a little too rough, I felt we outgrew each other and we drifted apart.. maybe there were things we could have done.. But i felt we did too much to try to keep it together.. It's like the harder we tried the more we drifted.. As painful as it was we both knew it just wasn't meant to be.. But just because we felt that way it didn't mean we didn't love each other.. it just means we both are mature enough to know that sometimes things just don't work out.. And that it is better to let go and hurt, rather than to stay in a relationship and hurt every day knowing we don't love each other the way we once did.. It has now been 17 days since we broke up... And every single memory her and i shared haunts me, I see her in my dreams, my every thought is stuck on her as i wonder if she misses me as much as i miss her.. I am now 26 and she is 32.. i spent most of my adult life with her.. Whether in a relationship or not she was my everything.. She was all i knew all those years, from the moment i feel in love back when i was 21 until now.. The thought of not being able to spend the rest of my life with her like we had planned breaks my heart every time i think about it.. To know that i will no longer hear her voice makes me feel like i have millions of bee's stinging my heart.. I miss her terribly every single day and every night, when i see her in my dreams but i cant get close enough to touch her.. As i type this the memories flow from my eyes and stream onto my cheeks.. And i think to myself "how will i ever move on?" But i know i will.. I have great friends and i joined a local gym, to get my mind busy on other things.. i think our story will always haunt me.. i think the memories will always haunt me... But one day at a time right?
I can not picture my life from this day forward with anyone else.. But that is beside the point, as i am not ready for that today, or tomorrow or the next day.. I need to work on myself.. I need to learn to be happy by myself before i take it anywhere with anyone else.. many times so far i have tried to drown my sorrows with alcohol but when i come back to reality, the thought of her is still there... She helped me grow, she helped me mature.. She helped mold me into the person i am today.. And for that i will will always be thankful, and for that i will always love her.... Forever was what i envisioned with her... but now the only forever i can promise her is a place in my heart, just for her... Forever...