Always some questions are tumbling around my head? They are asking me whether I'll survive or I am just going to die or going to be submerged in a big sea?
They are always doubting me, they pump me, push me to go ahead but I can't. Sometimes it's just about the memories that keep on coming back but I swear there's nothing major holding me back to you. But I still can't figure out into what situation I am? I am completely blank right now but I know for sure that I have somehow managed to overcome your vibes because they became my nightmares at one point and I feel that you should know this but I couldn't because I was so weak to express the real me because I didn't want to lose you ever. Silly right? I know.
Somehow I have managed to be focused in present and for once not to think about how the future will look like. Still some fear is there and like water it's boiling and drying up the fluid of my soul. It's tempting me to be harsh on myself, to raise questions to myself, just simply introspect myself but then I fail even in doing that too. As if you are still there inside me. As if you are having an eye on me. As if you are there but standing invisible in front of me.
Can you please tell me that why you are doing this to me?
Why you just can't let me live in my peace? 'In my own world' . For God's sake, the very first time I took the stand for myself rather than for us, then why you can't just leave like you always have?
Although I am trying hard to save me but I don't know why somewhere deep down I feel I won't be able to forget you ever. It's like you are there in my subconscious mind. I can't get you off my head and believe me it's aching.
It's like you have become dormant for sometime, like a Volcano does. And from the inside it destroys you, just like that I know it will trouble me too.
I don't know what it feels like when somewhere is there with you all the time as you were hardly there when I needed you the most.
It's hard to recall now, the things, the gifts, the pleasure, the smile, the tickles that you gave me as I merely remember it now. Maybe I don't have enough time now.
I don't even miss it now. Maybe somewhere I have had to let it go.
Yes you heard it right..
I have let it go. I want to do this because I know there's so much more in life. There is a whole world waiting for me to come and hum a melody, to write, to paint, to discover as they want to see me right in the center stage. They people are my support and I can't let them down. They raised me. They are the reason why I am here. I am sorry but you are just the one from whom I have learnt so much about life but I am delighted about it too as if you wouldn't have been there, then I couldn't have did so much. I am grateful that if the only reason of sending you to my life by the angels of God was to write this chapter of my life. Now I know myself better.