The hardest battle you will ever have to fight is between who you are now and who you want to be.
-Anonymous
This isn't easy, you should know that. To feel, to be aware of, to live with someone when they are constantly making you think, ponder, wonder, question, answer, and question again, and reason. It is difficult to spend twenty four hours with somebody that is changing every second. It is a daunting task to put this forever churning mind to rest. It is difficult to convince it to sleep and all the more difficult to push it to wake up. The mind and the heart do not see eye to eye. This constant battle leaves the heart electrified and the brain throbbing. It’s like writing and rewriting and overwriting and then writing some more on a slate that only you can decipher. And I am tired now of keeping these battles hidden and the secrets, secrets.
There has been talk for a long time now that this generation, the Gen-Y is a lazy generation. That all the millennial know nothing about life and its hardships; that they got it all easy. They are stubborn, selfish, self-obsessed, westernised, careless, technology addicts and what not- the list is endless. But I do not agree. I believe that we are a generation with purpose. We refuse to settle because we do not want to sail through. We want to be who we wish to be and pursue what we wish to pursue. We do not want to be card-board cut outs from the same set of values, morals, principles, beliefs, expectations, desires or goals. We need time. We need space. We need you to believe. We need you to provide us with accountability. We want you to trust. We want you to listen and not hear. We want your support. We want to make you understand. We want to be inclusive in our process of search for self. We want you to calm down. We want you to not compare. We want you to not expect. We want to surprise you. We want to trust you. We want you to give us our chance- no questions asked. What is about to follow has been well thought of. It isn't the result of empty passion or misplaced anger or misguided rebellion. This is simply a plea, to hear out, a twenty year old someone, and understand that this time ‘don’t mistake the passion for anger/Or the confidence for cockiness/Try and understand the unknown’.
These past few days have been exhausting for me. My brain activity has recorded a spike never witnessed before. My sense of self has heightened and I am constantly fighting a battle between the old me that is trying it’s best to survive and the new me that is desperately wanting to come out of the closet. And news of this battle isn't new to just you. I am surprised myself. I didn't even know the cupboard existed, let alone a new me waiting in there to be unveiled and accepted.
The new 'I' is idealistic. It wants to shatter stereotypes, fight social battles, be capable of empathy, change the world, and lead a life of purpose and meaning. It wants to be heard, taken seriously, and not judged or oppressed. It doesn't want to be mocked or misunderstood. It wants to not pretend. It wants to be understanding of illiteracy but intolerant of ignorance. It wants to be respected, loved, acknowledged and recognized. It wants to adapt, adjust and accommodate. It is willing to forgive but not forget. It wants to soar and fly high but stay grounded, forever in touch with its roots. It wants to wander and not be assumed lost. It wants solitude. It wants to explore the unknown and take risks and travel. It wants to search for better questions, not better answers. It wants to free itself of labels because labels are meant for cans, not people. It wants to take a leap of faith and trust a stranger. It wants to prove nothing. It wants to make people believe that trust and faith go a long way. It wants to pierce its ears and get inked. It wants its tattoos to mean something significant. It wants to read and write and speak and discuss and listen. It wants to learn. It wants friendships that last a lifetime. It wants to know no bias, no discrimination. It wants to flounder but then also prosper. It wants to excel, to be great at things. It wants to be genius, in whatever capacity it can. It wants everybody to love themselves in all of their strengths and weaknesses. It wants to love beyond race, gender, religion and colour. It wants to fight for peace, not just fight to make war.
The new 'I' is idealistic. Give it some time and it'll show you its worth.