It is still lingered in my mind - that one special kiss we shared in the moonlight. It was the first in my life. I could still remember the shivering in my body the moment our lips locked together. Yours were so soft. I could taste the sweetness yet it was like a fire that burned me. I closed my eyes. Then your palm touched my face. I felt loved and I thought that was the start of the forever of our love story - our almost love story. It was an almost love story that never had a happy ever after because it took so long for me to realize that everything was a lie. I let myself be fooled by you. I let myself be blinded by this LOVE THAT NEVER WAS for us in the end.
But I do not know if I have already moved on because I can still see you. How can I unlove you when every time our eyes meet, it would take me back to the first day I saw you and the first time my ears heard you utter my name? You can't just tell me to forget you because it will never be that easy for me to do it. Need I remind you that I lost myself when I loved you. I clung to what you promised to me that you would be there for me but it turned out that I was the one who was there for you and you were never there for me. Now tell me, HOW CAN I UNLOVE YOU?
How can I just bury everything in the past when you made me feel every time that I was the most special person you had ever known? How can I just let go everything we had if I could still feel your presence everywhere? How could I forget you when I am still being haunted by the truth that dropped like a bomb and wrecked my being? The truth that broke my heart into pieces, pieces represented by the tears flowing uncontrollably every night I go to sleep. Yes, I do still cry because I pity myself that I believed you. You were the first person whom I entrusted my heart with because you made me believe that you were ready to start on a clean slate. But how many times did my eyes witness that you were never over with your past love. I never confronted you about it because you also assured me many times that I was the one you loved, not the other person anymore. I believed you because you were my first love which I hoped to be my last.
I despised my friends when they kept dissuading me that I had to end what we had. I defended you to them because again, I let myself be fooled by you. I should have believed them - not myself, not even you. Imagine, I could give up everything for you. That I could just forget myself just to be with you. But you were not honest to me and had never been ever since. How could you dare make me look so stupid all those times? Maybe you are really good at this - playing hearts, breaking them, leaving girls in despair. Sad to say, I was so naive. I was so gullible. I ended up becoming one of them.
Then that one night happened. That one unforgettable night that had finally slapped my face and made me realize how fool I was. I breathed heavily so as for me to have a courage to ask you one thing. Yes, I could still remember this. It was only the two of us. I tried to fight the urge to ask you this question. But I had to. I had to ask you if you had loved me the way I did from the beginning. Then you just stared me. The expression of your eyes was empty. The silence between us was deafening. Then suddenly your mouth opened and said "I'M SORRY". I just stared at you. I felt immobile on my chair because I knew that it didn't end there. And I was right. You were sorry because you had been unfair to me. You were sorry that you made me fall in love with you. You were sorry because you realized that you still love the other person. I asked you once about that. You lied.
I held my tears inside because I had asked you again, HAVE YOU EVER LOVED ME? This time, nothing came out from your precious lying mouth. And that was the truth that dropped like a bomb and wrecked my being.
We have never talked to each other ever since though we still see each other. I just need time to heal for me to be able to bring back the love I forgot to give to myself when I was with you. This is not going to be an overnight process . I hope the time will come when we meet in the street again, I could smile at you without a stain of bitterness and pain. For now, forgive me if I can't. I am in the process of putting back the pieces of my whole being - a person who dreams, who loves and deserved to be loved.
Life must go on as it should be and so should I. There is so much to look forward. I have come to a clear insight that I should stop asking myself on how can I unlove you and maybe I should ask myself, WHERE CAN I TAKE EVERYTHING FROM HERE?
Let me carry all the memories of you with me to where I will lead my feet. After all, what we had was a great lesson for me to learn from. Don't worry, my faith that one day someone will truly love me for who I am didn't fade despite what happened to our almost love story that didn't get a happy ever after. I still believe in the power of love - its unfathomable power to intertwine two different people into one beautiful destiny. This may not how our story turned out but THE LOVE THAT WAS NEVER FOR US IS MEANT FOR THOSE WHO ARE DESTINED FOR US IN THE END.