(If you'd like to read the first part of this which is entitled "A Letter From My Fuck Buddy", it's here in my account somewhere, so enjoy!😉)
I love you too, asshole! And I wish I was a little less scared and a bit braver to answer your I love you when you first said it. I wish I was a little less liar and a bit more honest the second time around, but I just shrugged you off, rolled my eyes, and told you instead to move faster and harder.
I was wondering why you didn't include that in your letter but later on I realized, all of them were failed attempts. You knew I still wouldn't believe your I love you's, and maybe that's why you went for I miss you's this time. Funny how everyone must have thought I said those magic words first, but little did they know it was you who crossed the line and broke the unwritten rules of our set up.
"I love you." The first time you said it felt like a joke. You dropped me off in front of the house, slightly bit my lip to kiss me goodbye, squeezed my bottom with your right hand, then let go and waited for me to go inside. I was closing the gate when you said that sick joke. You were intently looking at me, probably finding the reaction you wanted to get. But you never did. Believe me, I badly wanted to say it back but I knew it was a trap. You said it because you loved the way I suck you like a vacuum, how wet and warm I was for you, and the way I boost your ego and how fuckable I made you feel with my screams and moans. You had me all night and then you wanted to have sex with my mind all day, didn't you? I stared back at you for about 2 seconds and laughed; the absurd kind of laugh. I turned my back on you, headed for the house, and slept the whole day. I didn't realize until today that your I love you that morning meant "I want to love you." What a jerk!
"I love you." The second time you said it felt like a grenade. You had a few drinks that night because you argued with your father. You wouldn't tell me what it was all about but I knew it wasn't just a misunderstanding. Your eyes were in their darkest phase and I couldn't see the stars in them. I made love to you that time, just like any other days and nights we spent together, but that one was more than just making love. I wanted so much to save you from the monster who's eating up all of your glimmer and the best fight I could give was to take you to cloud nine. "I love you," you breathlessly uttered as we pushed and pulled our way towards heaven. I swear I wanted to say it back, you asshole, but I was so sure you just loved me because I saved you. I didn't cry but the world rained so hard for me that night. I didn't want to be your fuck buddy anymore. I couldn't stand the bullets and bombs everytime I tell myself you don't really love me and every sweet thing you did for me were all just part of the show to make me stay as your dirty little slut. I made up my mind.
It has been two months now and everyday I kept on rereading the explicit letter you sent to my empty house. I hated you for not recognizing the love I had been sprinkling all over the place and for realizing everything when it's already too late. I hated you but everytime I read that part where you caught me slow-dancing with my eyes closed, damn, I wish I could go down back to Earth and let you take me to our heaven again, not His.