How can I be like this. This isn't the me I was. I was confident, selfish, asserting, dominant, powerful, strong, hard with less feelings, careless. Never thought about anyone except me, not even my brothers. I wanted fame, wanted to be someone whom everyone would remember. I was a hell lot of ambitious. Is love this powerful. Have I changed so much. Do I love her so much? Why do I fear losing her. Why am I so scared and afraid. Why can't I be happy like before. Why am I so broken ? Is this what love does apparently? Have I given so much that I have none left for me? Why do I keep thinking about her even if still it hurts me. Why do I want her to be happy? I am selfish, I should want me to be happy only. Has she become so much for me ? Does she mean this much ? I did things I never would have done otherwise.
Am I so broken ? Apparently, I am. All I want, all I need is a drop of love but I know I won't accept that from anyone other than her. And I can't demand it too. Sometimes I wish I never fell in love. I would still be that selfish old fellow. With a few friends, but living for myself. Ambitious and proud but accomplished. Little cruel, careless but a lot stronger.
She will go back. She will change again. She will fall for someone else. She would still say she loves me, but not the way I want. And all I'll be able to do is fake a smile. All I'll be able to do is pretend I'm fine.