For all those who are here because you thought this was a sci-fi love story, I'm sorry to disappoint you.
I love deceiving just as I love being decieved.
So this is what it is now.
This is what it feels like to be in love? Fearful. Vulnerable. Meek. Secretive. Sad. Bored. Monotonous.
Just plain sad.
Is this how we perceive love now? Is this what it feels like? Is this what movies are based on? Is this how the books describe it?
Yes, sparks flew. Yes, we both felt it. Yes, we kissed and it was magic. Or at least I thought it was. But after a few drunken nights and stolen kisses, I thought maybe you were the one. After a lot of texts messages and evening drives, I thought maybe you thought i was the one too.
The texts got fewer, the phone calls shorter and the drives got silent. It got harder for me to get you to notice me since you were too busy noticing options.
But sparks burn out eventually, and it is but our choice to light them on again. So I tried. Tried hard to get that spark back. Turns out I tried too hard and burnt myself, while you walked out unscathed with some other girl, starting all over again.
"I told you so", "You jumped in too quick! You should have gone with the flow", "You'll find someone much better when you're not looking" is what I must have heard from almost every person I met. I smiled and told them "True. But I'm completely fine".
No they didn't tell me so because they were too busy telling me we look "really good together". Maybe that's what chemistry does to you, makes both of us; you, a confused young boy and me, a complete mess, look good together.
Yes I jumped in too quick because that's who I am, impulsive and drunk on the idea of love. And no, I won't go with the flow. Only dead fish go with the flow and I certainly am not a dead fish. I am a mermaid. A darn good one at that too.
And maybe I will find someone much better but how am I not supposed to think about him? Is he just going to walk up to me when I'm sitting at a cafe in Paris, reading some Nicholas Sparks' novel, in a beautiful white sundress, with my perfectly blow-dried hair flying and basically looking like I've stepped out of a movie based on the novel by the aforementioned Nicholas Sparks? Because I'm sitting home in my pj's, hair tied in a bun, eating McDonalds and browsing through 9gag. So yeah, thats never happening I guess.
But then again, when I do think about you now, I realise that you're still stuck in the same vicious circle. The initial meeting at some fancy bar, the first smile, the first dance, the first drive back to her place to drop her off safely, the first kiss, the first few text messages and promises of meeting again soon and when you do eventually meet her, the same old bar hopping and night drives, drunken kisses and midnight drives; all eventually ending because you think you can find someone much better, prettier and "different". Doing the same things and expecting a different response.
Too bad I was one of these girls. Too bad I wasn't different. Too bad I wasn't pretty enough. But trust me, if there's anyone I do feel bad for, it's you. Maybe you were one of the checkpoints on my map of getting to know myself and what you did was change me. You may not have helped me realise who I really am but I'm just a little bit closer to getting to know myself. All I do know is that I am a PJ wearing- McDonalds loving, impulsive and romantic 9gagger who enjoys drinking and profanity a little too much. Modern day Audrey Hepburn with just a little hint of mischief.
And I am completely OK with it. Any guy would be very lucky to have me, after all, I am a mermaid. And I shall not go with the flow.